but i've started on yet *another* lifestyle change. i downloaded this app from livestrong.org and it's really useful. and it's got a neat little community feature built into the app that is full of ridiculous people who boost each other up.
so it wants me to eat 1400 calories a day. which is not a lot but, you know. i weight a lot.
have i ever disclosed my weight here before? it's a touchy subject. i know i'm
275 pounds. and that's not my highest weight. it's just what i am now.
and i wake up in the morning and my hips hurt. i thought it was how i was sleeping, so i changed that. maybe i need to stretch or work out. so i did that. my hips still hurt.
and i realized it was probably because i'm
i always rationalized it away... excused it.
- i stopped using drugs, i can enjoy food.
- i stopped drinking sugary soda and switched to diet, i can enjoy food.
- i quit smoking, i can enjoy food.
how the fuck is that possible? i went from like a 24/22 to 22/20. fuck.
i gained 18 back when i quit smoking. and gained a bit more when my mom died and decided to stop cooking and drink all the time. and i've sort of tried since then. joined a gym and worked out a bit. watched what i eat.
but apparently that just doesn't work for me. i need to track every damn thing that i put in my mouth or i won't lose weight. so here we are again.
tomorrow morning is my first weigh in. i'm nervous as hell because if i didn't lose anything, i'll be sadpanda. i've eaten under 1500 calories every day for a week except for saturday because i had a party and i still ate A LOT less than i used to eat at parties like that.
i'm also using supplements. CLA, thermogenic pills, l-carnitine supplements (i call it l-carnosaur. obvs). i take a multivitamin and a biotin pill for healthy skin, hair, and nails. i use replacement shakes to supplement my calorie intake and fill my stomach the fuck up. so, we'll see. we'll see.
i don't have an end game - i just want to lose weight. although i do have my 15 year high school reunion in six months and a cruise just after that. so i wouldn't mind being a bit thinner then :)
aside from eating better and exercising, i also have one more challenge: to not buy new clothes until i'm down at least a full size. we'll see how that goes.