superfast horrifying post

here in my head where i am full of the AWESOME and shit like that, i imagine that you all are constantly wondering what i am up to.  that you have noticed my absence over the past couple of weeks and have been wringing your hands in worry about my whereabouts.

in reality, you probably figured i'm a lame ass blogger who ran out of shit to say or something like that.

but in actuality, i've been in new york since november 21st.  which was last sunday.  i don't have the time or emotional capacity or energy to write the whole story out now, but believe me you'll probably hear enough about it in the near future.  the short version will have to do.

my mom went to the emergency room with vision loss last saturday night.  within hours they told us it was cancer.  a huge mass in her lung which has metastacized and is also in her brain and other inernal organs.  we were then told it was stage IV cancer.  we are still waiting for the official biopsy results - that's how fast this has all happened.  i am writing this from a hospice facility in huntington, new york where awesome husband and i are with mom, who is resting comfortably.  mom has lost just about all of her vision at this point and is sleeping at least 23.5 hours a day.  she only wakes up once in a while and says something.  when she does 'wake up' she is lucid and knows who i am and can answer some questions.

if you don't know, 'hospice' is a word that is only really used when people are about to die.  we don't have a real timeframe, but this facility only accepts people on a day to day basis.  mom is not expected to survive for more than a few days.  we cannot cure this cancer, only keep her comfortable while we wait for her to pass on.

so i may or may not be blogging for a bit.  i haven't read or commented on anyone else's blogs either.  and i don't know when i will be able to share this story.  now we are only hoping for a quick and peaceful passing for my mom, who deserves to have something easy in this life - even if it is only death.

i've a shiny turkey

that's right chaps and chapesses, i have received another award.  this comes from semi true torystellar over at can u relate? who OBVIOUSLY agrees with me that i'm superawesome and totes deserving of almost any award.

so i have this shiny turkey to show for my blogging efforts.



shiny happy turkeys holding hands.. um..

 now in addition to displaying this slick bird on my blog, i have to pass it on to 3-5 other deserving bloggers AND share a story involving some combination of “food, intoxication, kitchen, cooking/baking, or holidays”.

hmm.  i'll award it to tiffany at on the verge because i can only HOPE she has an awesome story about cooking.  i'll give one to simple dude here because he's a well-known award hog and i know at the very least he may have something useful to say about drinking and eating mcribs.  and finally i'll share a shiny fucking turkey with kristine who writes wait in the van because if she doesn't deserve a shiny fucking turkey, who does in this crazy, mixed up world?  seriously.

well, i eat a lot.  and i drink *sometimes*.  i'm in the kitchen often, cooking and/or baking (usually cooking) and i celebrate a few holidays.  but all of these things together?  hmmmmmmmmm....

this is harder than i thought.  the times i've gotten specifically slizzard i have prepared food ahead of time or been somewhere that we pay people to cook for us.  i have gotten superhigh and baked cookies before, but they were just those pillsbury cookie dough in a huge fucking pail that you scoop out and drop on a sheet and pop in the oven while you pack and smoke a tight bowl watch television.  i do go through four bottles of beer on st. patty's day, but they go into the corned beef, not my bloodstream.  i have gotten almost shitfaced on meade because that sneaks the fuck up on you, but neither kitchen nor cooking were involved.  and drinking on the holidays is so overrated.  that's what everyone else does.  what do you think i am, some kind of fucking CONFORMIST?  no, but seriously, i usually have to drive places on the holidays.  so no drinking for me.

i have stories about times i was drunk without pants on.  or drunk without a bra on.  or cooking without pants on.  or baking without pants on.  i mean, PANTS i can work with.

i tried to make dinner for my family the second day i took tarzipan and kept doing stupid things.  like not turning on burners.  or practically cutting my fucking finger off.  i'm sure it would be a hysterical story... if i could remember it.

sadly for you, most of my cooking/baking adventures turn out fairly successfully.  i'm usually sober (or mostly sober) on major holidays.  i've gotten drunk enough to sit (pantsless) on my kitchen floor and cry, but i don't think that is the kind of story this award requires.

i have failed you, semi true torystellar.  i've failed your award.  i don't deserve a shiny turkey.  or a matte finish turkey.  or even a shiny cornish game hen.

now all i can think about are cornish pixies from harry potter and the chamber of secrets.  DAMN YOU JK ROWLING.  just a couple of more days until i get my next harry potter fix.  i'm seriously JONESING for tihs damn movie.

i.

cannot.

wait.

to recap: i've failed at accepting this blog award.  i haven't taken a tarzipan yet today.  i can't wait for harry potter and the deathly hallows part one this weekend.  i haven't told any of you how my classes are going - school and work related.  i haven't discussed my personal life or my bullshit or my craziness for days.

have i withdrawn? you bet your sweet asses i have.  i'll work on pulling up my big girl panties and getting some shit done around here. until then, keep your unit on you.