NSFW. i don't know how else to say it. seriously. NSFW. this is not pr0n.

yeah.  that's right.  it's borderline porn.

but with fake bewbz.  really fake.

let me start at the beginning....


my wife (a bestie from high school) loves building and sculpting and artsy things.  and ended up with a job at a company that makes fake cadavers.

yes.  you read that right.

the company makes, like, fake bodies and torsos and shit like that for medical students to learn on.  she's sculpted teensy veins for people to practice, like, veiny shit on.  and she's assembled a body on top of a skeleton by attaching muscles in an anatomically correct way.

seriously.  what a job, right?

anyway, so for reasons undisclosed to me, they were casting bewbz.  like, i don't know if someone requested them or what, but they could hide things in the breast to have people search for them.

no, not like matchbox cars and toys.  like, fake tumors and shit.  get it?  great idea, right?

so they cast some bewbz of the workers.  they had small and medium bewbz, but needed large bewbz.

you see where this is going now, right?  now, if you're offended by pictures of big girls partially clothed and fake breasts (seriously, i promish- nothing is real here) don't scroll down.




......




......




seriously, you better be okay with this.  i'm either about to lose all of my followers or get attacked by pr0n bots.


and if you are related to me or otherwise queasy about seeing a lifelike replica of my actual breast (or my beautiful gut hanging over my jeans) then turn back now!


for the rest of you...  enjoy our feature presentation 'the making of the BEWBZ'

wife's other better half and wife mixing stuff

'instamold - for all your BEWBZ casting needs'

using an ancient flour sifter to sift the powdery crap.  my beaver was cast in the sink as well.  yes, an actual toy beaver.  sickos.

being felt up by wife and wife's other better half.  in the name of science, or something.

more fondling.  the stuff set faster than i think any of us expected.

wife's other better half copping an extra feel.  can you blame him?

the first cast! we never used that bowl again.

it was strange looking at it.  i didn't think my tatas were that cavernous.

so we did that casting in late april.  then went out to dinner.  and probably drank or something.  weeks go by, they turn into months... it turns out it's a lot harder to make bewbz than any of us thought.

but the process was fun.  it was nice to get surprise emails or picture messages on my phone with my boob in some state of being created.

april 25th - the naming of the bewbz - 'titzilla' is born!

may 3rd - the mold being created

may 3rd - the mold.  i also have a photo of my wife wearing it as a hat.... :/

july 7th, what i believe to be the first working prototype.

'working prototype' meaning 'being able to be fondled' of course.

i also have a RIDICULOUS video of my wife slapping my bewbz around.  not my real bewbz... we never tape stuff like that.  i mean titzilla.  it's pretty hysterical. *goes to watch it and laugh for a few minutes*

okay.  so a couple of weeks ago i received photos from my wife on the final bewbz, TITZILLA!!!

this is my bewbz.  it is my right bewbz.  i went with righty because she's a bit more hefty.

the shape is pretty much right on.  big bewbz sag and pull down a bit.  sorry fellas, but it's true.

i must be honest, my nipple area is not quite that pink.  but it inspired me to start rouging my nipples.

yeah, rouging nipples.  look it up, it was done.  nipples used to be considered, like, fashionable.  not anymore, sadly.

and now, for the coup de grace.  thank you for bearing with me and my BEWBZ on this exciting journey.  if you have been a long-time reader (yeah, like a few months) you may remember i got the "nice rack" award a while back.  and that semi true torystellar called me out, saying my BEWBZ pictures were not worthy.

well, here you go torystellar.  how are these??

no caption necessary, i think.

epic, just epic. thanks, wife and her company that shall remain nameless at the bequest of the owner.

you might wonder why i did it?


who gets to do something like this?  how many times in my life am i going to be asked 'hey, can we cast your boob?'  the answers are 'no one' and 'never again'.

and, hey, i'm getting more action than ever before.  there are potentially hundreds of students groping me as we speak.  how many people do you know that can say THAT?

that's right, just one: STEPH MOTHERFUCKIN' GAS!

do over

okay so apparently some people are calling shenanigans on my bewbz pictures that i posted as part of accepting my nice rack blog award.  now, in my defense i went through all the photos i have on my computer, which constist of basically every picture i've taken since 2004.

which means photos of my wedding, my honeymoon, my cats, disney, and two major car accidents that i was in. 

and not as much bewbage as you'd expect.  and the bewbz that were in my records were actually, well, bewbz.  like, fully naked bewbz from when i took photos of my nipple rings.  back when i had them.  because they migrated.

yes.  shutup.

so i was like, i guess i'll have to take new pictures that kind of showcase the bewbz a bit more.  also in my defense, i don't have a fully anonymous blog so my friends and family members read this.  including (possibly) my brother.  who hasn't ever seen my bewbz and neither of us has any desire to change that.

of course, almost everyone else that i know has seen my bewbz.  numerous times.

ANYWAY. 

here.

my bewbz in a ghostbuster shirt. you know you jealous.

more bewbz.  BEWBZ i tell you.

that's right, bitches.  these are my BEWBZ.  werd 2 yo momma.

offers and bewbz. not related.

first the offers part.  we have had two offers on the house, both for MORE than the asking price.  i am still perplexed by the real estate market and buying houses.  however, none of that matters because i have a great agent and am probably going to closing within 35 days.  we're accepting an offer today.

we listed the house monday.  LAST monday.  monday april 11. today is friday april 15. 

yup.  i'm just that awesome.

the best offer came from someone who saw the house last night.  it was a last minute showing and i'd already started dinner (empanadas).  so the smell of my delicious, non-authentic, columbian inspired emapandas was wafting through the house.

and they called my agent two hours later to inform her of the offer.

lesson: always have fresh flowers out AND empanads in your oven if you want to sell your house in a week.

obviously.

so i got this award from torystellar at can u relate?.  and it's the nice rack award.

i totes deserve this.

but it dictates that i pass it on to others as well as show a photo of my rack.  now, as much as i love my bewbz, the fact is that most of the photos i have of them are not suitable for posting online.

not because i'm ashamed or don't want you to see my migrated nipple rings.  seriously.  but because blogger would be all 'ZOMG IT'S A PLUS SIZE PRON BLOG' and shut my shit down.

yes, i actually do have a photo of one of my nipple rings migrating.  it's interesting, and sad because i loved having my nipples pierced.  once we're settled in new york again, i'm going to go a piercer recommended by sisterfromanothermister who thinks i should be able to repierce them.  fingers crossed.

anyway.  i went through the archives to find photos showcasing my bewbz while not bordering on porn.  have fun.

these are my bewbz circa 2008.  they still look basically the same.

bewbz circa 2009, after i chopped all my hair off.  that mark is from awesome husband beating me.  okay, no it's not.  it's probably from a cat stepping on me.  i have sensitive skin.

my bewbz with my brother, sisterfromanothermister, and awesome husband june 2010.

my bewbz in new york, march 2011.

yeah, i know.  pretty lame.  i feel like i should find an excuse to dress up and take tit pics (especially for stephaniec.  since she asked so nicely).  i'm sure i'll fine more bewbz pics that i'll share.  i'm practically OBLIGATED to share them now that i've gotten this nice rack award.

and now i get to pass it to some other bloggers.  i've decided to give it to people whose bewbz i wouldn't mind seeing.  not in a creepy stalker way.  i promise.

ergh.  that was awkward.

anyway, here goes.

-stephanie c at seriously?? reeeally? seriously? because i should take my chances now before she's all married.
-nicki at the loaded handbag because i don't totally have a crush on her.
-sarah p at naked cupcakes because i feel that the title of her blog alone warrants me asking her to show me her, well, cupcakes.
-the barreness at, um, the barreness, because i need to know if they're better than nigella lawson's.  it could be imperative to my fantasies research.

and i should like get back into actual blogging, and not this half assed phoning-it-in kind of crap.  one day.  i promise.  but it might not be for a while.  you might have to put up with packing and rental-house-hunting bullshit for now.

i hate packing. i hate moving.

i hate packing and moving.  although i'm excited to get back to new york to be with my family.  but let me back up a bit here.

so saturday morning i had a realtor from an investmenty company come in.  i was hoping that she'd be all like 'we'll totes offer you ALMOST what you owe on your house on the spot' and was sorely disappointed.  about $21K disappointed.  HOWEVER.  she works with this investmenty company and is an actual realtor.  the good stuff is that the investmenty company she works with, while they will not buy my house, will share the listing with their entire database of over TWENTY THOUSAND investors who are looking for something just like my house.  she then proceeded to take out the dreaded market comparison make me cry analysis which says not only is my house worth 50% less than what we paid for it less than five years ago, but houses at the price i was hoping to list at are sitting on the market for over two hundred days.  or forever, which do you prefer?  because it's the same thing to me.  she then tells me that these houses are only selling once they hit about $5-10K less than what i wanted to ask.  and shows me the houses at that price point that are comparable to mine and priced accordingly.

dude, these houses are selling in under 25 days.  some in SEVEN DAYS.  one week from listing, boom they are sold.  so it's not all about location, it's about pricing. 

and our superrealtor is coming tonight to take photos of our lovely abode and list it.  and we may be having an open house/garage sale this weekend.  superrealtor told me that many real estate peeps have gotten away from that and she thinks it sucks.  people apparently used to have combo open house/garage sales ALL THE TIME.  so they were selling their shit and their house at the same time!

genius!

and we have A LOT of shit to sell. of course, i'm secretly hoping that superrealtor will list the house tonight and have a gazillion offers by tomorrow.  not likely i know.  but maybe by like thursday?  so we can just ixnay the open house and sell this bad boy?  it's not a lot to ask, right?

awesome husband has put in his two weeks notice at work.  i know, totes putting the cart before the horse but he's fed up with his job, and we actually aren't hurting for money at this second.  so i figured he's worth more to me at home packing.  so i can keep working and doing the school thing and what not.  i gave superrealtor the moving deadline of june 1st and she seems to think that will be no problem. 

yay! 

so awesome husband will work til the end of this month and have some time to pack and move and find a job in new york.  which we also have some leads on. 

i fucking hate packing and moving and the stress.  i hate having to go through my mom's stuff to put it in boxes and bring it to new york.  i hate having to do all this shit still.  but at least it looks like it might go fairly smooth. 

ALSO! i gots me another award, and it requires a picture of my BEWBZ.  i know stephaniec will be thrilled with the idea of seeing my BEWBZ.  i'm under a lot of pressure to make sure i get the right picture chosen, so it may be a couple of days until i post info about this newest award presented to me from semi true torystellar.

i gots me another award.

i'm totes popular, yo.  another blog award?? yay!  from nicki over at the loaded handbag.  it's an award about stylin'. 

stylin' and profilin'

obvs i deserve it.  not sure why.  i'm not terrifically stylish.  i like to think i have my own ridiculous style.  like, i just ordered some really neat like knitted tights.  they're like flowers and stuff.  and i ordered a litle denim skirt to wear with them.  and a new belt. 

i told awesome husband i was going to start dressing like a hipster.  he said he'd leave me.

anyway.  i should probably pass this blog award on.  i want to give it to the barreness, but i know nicki already got her.  i'd like to give it to becky at steam me up kid because pickles and worm porn are ALWAYS stylish.  and i suppose lastly i want to give it up to god.  because, you know, without god, none of us would be here.

but truthishly, life has been full of the suck recently.  i have pills, which are nice.  but i've had the flu for like a week and a half and i'm afraid to eat tarzipan with cold medicine.  and i wake up during the night even with nyquil.  and my nose is all ouchy and raw from all the nose blowing.  and i kind of want to take my nose rings out for a while, but if i sleep with them out they holes might start closing up and that's just another issue.  and i want to move back to new york NOW so if you know anyone who wants to buy a house eight miles from animal kindgom let me know.  i mean, seriously.  14.4 miles as the crow flies between my house and cinderella's castle.

seriously, expect more dark and sad and annoying and boring posts soon.  i keep thinking that i want to blog about politics.  or the westboro baptist church.  or my cats.  or my new computer.  or my mom dying.  but in reality, i'm kind of hitting a wall with the blogging.  it's like i was out of it for so long (really only a few weeks) while my mom was sick and shit, and with all the traveling i've been doing.

i'll get back, i promish.  until then, why don't you all give me a topic to blog about.  maybe i'll pick like, i don't know, five and set up a poll or something and let you all vote on which one i'll blog about and the person who gives me the winning idea will get a prize?  sound interesting?

yes.  so seriously - give me ideas for blog posts.  whatever you want.  i'll figure out the specifics of the poll and contest, but leave your entry idea in the comment section and we'll get on with it.

another one?

i was about to start writing a new blog.  i gots me another award, yo.  from semi true torystellar over at can u relate?.

but then i got distracted by itunes.  i'm streaming krock 2.  if you ever lived in the new york area, you'll remember how great krock was.  until it turned into z100.  well, krock 2 online is like krock used to be, minus some of the nirvana and add some emo.  fun.

however, i got horribly distracted by 'doll parts' by hole. 

it's over now, so i can continue with my life.  my new awared from torystellar is the irresistibly sweet blog award.  i think she might have consumed copious amounts of vodka before bestowing it on me, because i am not 'irresistibly sweet'.  but i never look a blog-awarding horse in the mouth.

i'm supposed to list five guilty pleasures and pass it on to three more.  i'll pass it on first.  i shall bestow this honorable blog award to...

-stephc over at seriously??... reeeally?..... seriously? because i love her canadian ways.
-nicki at the loaded handbag because i love her photos.  even though i can't believe she'd come to florida without visiting the mouse.
-kristine who does wait in the van because she's crazy.  and sweet.  and did i mention crazy?

now.  five guilty pleasures. 

this is hard.  because i don't really have 'guilty' anything.  no remorse, no regret. and the things i do feel guilty about aren't pleasurable.

but i guess i can try.. let's see... what might i be embarrased for you all to know... er....


um....



hmmmmmmm.....

well.  i like kesha. oh, i mean ke$ha.  i like lots of pop music.  i also like gangsta rap, yo.

i love twilight.  yes, the stupid vampire books.  i really like them.  like, i own them all and have seen all the movies.  and i guess it's a bit embarrassing.  but not really.  maybe a bit.

margaritas from chili's.  i know they're not the best, but i love the presidente margaritas at chili's.  i can drink them until i fall off the stool.  and i have before.  i think.

christmas music. hell, i don't even celebrate christmas as anything more than a traditional american familial holiday.  but i love christmas music.

tootsie rolls.  the teensy ones.  i'll include them as a guilty pleasure because i can't eat less than like fourteen at a time.  which defeats the purpose of tiny like 10 calorie tootsie roll snack time.

there you have it, folks.  i'd keep writing, but i have like the flu or something and feel like absolute shite.  so have fun and until then, keep your unit on you.

i've a shiny turkey

that's right chaps and chapesses, i have received another award.  this comes from semi true torystellar over at can u relate? who OBVIOUSLY agrees with me that i'm superawesome and totes deserving of almost any award.

so i have this shiny turkey to show for my blogging efforts.



shiny happy turkeys holding hands.. um..

 now in addition to displaying this slick bird on my blog, i have to pass it on to 3-5 other deserving bloggers AND share a story involving some combination of “food, intoxication, kitchen, cooking/baking, or holidays”.

hmm.  i'll award it to tiffany at on the verge because i can only HOPE she has an awesome story about cooking.  i'll give one to simple dude here because he's a well-known award hog and i know at the very least he may have something useful to say about drinking and eating mcribs.  and finally i'll share a shiny fucking turkey with kristine who writes wait in the van because if she doesn't deserve a shiny fucking turkey, who does in this crazy, mixed up world?  seriously.

well, i eat a lot.  and i drink *sometimes*.  i'm in the kitchen often, cooking and/or baking (usually cooking) and i celebrate a few holidays.  but all of these things together?  hmmmmmmmmm....

this is harder than i thought.  the times i've gotten specifically slizzard i have prepared food ahead of time or been somewhere that we pay people to cook for us.  i have gotten superhigh and baked cookies before, but they were just those pillsbury cookie dough in a huge fucking pail that you scoop out and drop on a sheet and pop in the oven while you pack and smoke a tight bowl watch television.  i do go through four bottles of beer on st. patty's day, but they go into the corned beef, not my bloodstream.  i have gotten almost shitfaced on meade because that sneaks the fuck up on you, but neither kitchen nor cooking were involved.  and drinking on the holidays is so overrated.  that's what everyone else does.  what do you think i am, some kind of fucking CONFORMIST?  no, but seriously, i usually have to drive places on the holidays.  so no drinking for me.

i have stories about times i was drunk without pants on.  or drunk without a bra on.  or cooking without pants on.  or baking without pants on.  i mean, PANTS i can work with.

i tried to make dinner for my family the second day i took tarzipan and kept doing stupid things.  like not turning on burners.  or practically cutting my fucking finger off.  i'm sure it would be a hysterical story... if i could remember it.

sadly for you, most of my cooking/baking adventures turn out fairly successfully.  i'm usually sober (or mostly sober) on major holidays.  i've gotten drunk enough to sit (pantsless) on my kitchen floor and cry, but i don't think that is the kind of story this award requires.

i have failed you, semi true torystellar.  i've failed your award.  i don't deserve a shiny turkey.  or a matte finish turkey.  or even a shiny cornish game hen.

now all i can think about are cornish pixies from harry potter and the chamber of secrets.  DAMN YOU JK ROWLING.  just a couple of more days until i get my next harry potter fix.  i'm seriously JONESING for tihs damn movie.

i.

cannot.

wait.

to recap: i've failed at accepting this blog award.  i haven't taken a tarzipan yet today.  i can't wait for harry potter and the deathly hallows part one this weekend.  i haven't told any of you how my classes are going - school and work related.  i haven't discussed my personal life or my bullshit or my craziness for days.

have i withdrawn? you bet your sweet asses i have.  i'll work on pulling up my big girl panties and getting some shit done around here. until then, keep your unit on you.

it's not my fault i'm so full of the AWESOME

that's right, bitches.  i won another blog award.  here it is:

boo yah, sir.  boo yah.

this was bestowed upon me by semi true torystellar over at can u relate?  i'm supposed to list ten superhonest things about myself and to tell you the truth, i'm really pissed off right now because i worked superhard on it and blogger fucked me right up the ass and it's all gone now.  it's impossible to capture lightening like that twice, so this is probably going to be subpar and less awesome and i'm going to be angry and pissy and whatever.

ANYWAY.

1. in my mind, the barreness looks like nigella lawson.  i have an unhealthy borderline obsession with nigella, to the point where i cannot watch her cooking shows.  and since the lovely barreness speaks her mind on her anonymous blog about sexy things and naughty bits, it's only natural that i have developed an unhealthy borderline obsessive blog crush on her.
2. i spent more time than i'd like to admit geeking out and being in an online roleplaying wrestling federation.  that's right.  i made my own character and we'd write out promos and other more talented people would write out entire shows, complete with my character kicking guy's asses.  or having sex with them.  whatever.  geektastic.
3. i ate awesome husband's ding dong.  OMGGETYOURMINDOUTOFTHEGUTTER.  he has a box of ding dongs in the pantry and i just ate one because they are delicious.  you cheeky minxes.
4. i had my first serious crush on a girl on someone i'd known for years who may or may not be reading this blog right now.  no questions, please.  i won't tell you who it is so don't ask.  i like to keep you all quivering with antici........pation.
5. all i can think about now is how proud i was of my first list of ten superhonest things about myself, and how fucking pissed off i am that i lost it.  and i can't think of more honest things to say or remember what was on the first list.
6. i still pick my nose.  i'll own up to it.  i also have both nostrils pierced, so i think that entitles me to digging around in there.  i don't do it in front of company, though.  or at least, i try not to.
7. i am harder on myself than other people are on me.  and while i think that's true for a lot of people, i go a step further because i think that some people expect less from me because i'm crazy, so i push myself even harder.
8. i make people laugh.
9. i make people cry.
10. on good days, i think i'm a pretty rad person.  i've gone through a lot of shit and horribleness and terrible things to get here, and i think i turned out good.  i know i have even more shit to go through, but if i didn't go through what i've gone through, i'd be less of a person than i am now.  if that makes sense.

now i suppose it's time for me to pass this award on to some blogs i like.  i'm giving it to three people today, because i like the number three.

firstly is the barreness at hello, sailor.  she's supersuperhonest on her anonymous blog, as well as a bit naughty at times.  but i have to admire that kind of forthrightness.

second i'll share it with nicki at the loaded handbag because she is honest and her blog makes me think sometimes, but she's still funny and quirky and awesome.

and finally i'm passing this one on to stephaniec who writes seriously?? reeeally? seriously?.  not only is she honest with us, but i think stephc is pretty honest with herself on that blog.  plus?  she has THE BEST NAME.


now i'm going to go find something to eat and obsessively check to see if my eng101 grade has been posted yet.  steph gas, over and out.

sorry, no witty titles today. but i did get another award.

as usual, i have a BILLION ideas for blog posts that i never do.  i mean, what's the point of me blogging about something that was in the news and relevant weeks ago?  so i'm not going to talk about that mommy blogger who was getting shit from other moms for letting her son dress up as daphne for halloween.

because, honestly?  he rocked that wig.  and WHO THE FUCK CARES??!  it's halloween.  if little girls want to dress up as 'traditionally' boy things, no one minds.  double standard.  stupid crap.

ARGH.

so then i was like 'omg i should blog about my new classes' which are english 102 and cis 105, which apparently is like computer information science or something?  but the practical upshot of that class is that we learn how a computer works.

seriously.  like word processors and operating systems.  and how they work.  and i kind of spent two and a half years working in the consumer electronics field.  like selling computers.  and am more geeky and familiar with both macs and pc's than i care to admit.  so that should be SUPERFUN.

and we write another essay thing in my eng102 class.  2000-2500 words this time, and a persuasive essay.  i'm contemplating writing on legalization of marijuana.  it's supposed to be something that is like current and shit.  and our choices for topics are things like 'colonization', 'drugs', 'identity', 'war',  and 'culture'.  so i've been trying to find something that i can argue successfully that is current and interesting and shit.  i was thinking about branching 'identity' out to gender identity and talking about gays somehow.  or branching out 'culture' to somehow talk about how freedom of religion isn't really free.

but then i realized i'm pretty close to those two 'arguments' and might not be the best candidate for arguing them without bias.

and i made a new bag for my website.  which probably will sell as well as the others, which is NOT AT ALL.  i mean, the holidays are coming up so i'm hoping to get some orders.  but we'll see.  i'm probably going to sew a lot for holiday gifts this year.  but i can't give EVERYONE a fucking computer case (you can check out my shit here if you're really interested, but don't feel obligated because this blog is not about me selling my shit, it's about my venting my spleen).

and then tonight i start my new class for this new job.  it looks like i actually have to take the class to learn how to be a customer service rep for the company and then i'll learn about being a facilitator and helping other agents.  i also signed up my first agent under my corporation, so i'm growing that as well.  i'd like to get a small group of us together where we really lift each other up and support our business.  instead of me making money off of them, like many of the other corporations do in my industry.

and mom is in new york for another job interview.  with a cable company.  and it would be nice if she got it because then, hello, free cable/phone/internet when we move to new york.  but i'll be happy as long as she has a job that she's happy with.  she isn't really 100% cut out for working from home.  she's done it for a couple of years and excelled at it, but she'd prefer a more traditional office environment.  on the other hand, i love it.  i love working from home, not having anyone stand over my shoulder, setting my own schedule, all of it.

finally, i was bestowed another award by semi true torystellar at can u relate?.  it has cupcakes on it.  which means i now want to bake and eat cupcakes.  hmm... that is a good idea of what i can do today.

you can see it on my RESPEK KNUCKLES page.  i don't know that there were rules with this one.  i'ma be a greedy bitch today and keep it for myself.

that's right.  i'm not passing this cupcakey blog award on.  suck it.  it's mine now.

new award!

that's right, i got me a shiny new award!  it's called the gold framed dog blog award and i received it from semi true torystellar at can u relate?.  remember, you can see all my (two) awards on the RESPEK KNUCKLES! page.

now, apparently i'm supposed to pass this on to five other bloggers.  and i will do so now.

i would like to bestow this honor upon my aunt motherfucking becky at mommy wants vodka.  because, OBVIOUSLY.  she completely and totally deserves it.

i also would love to give it to my sextastic blogcrush the barreness at hello, sailor!.  she is delicious and wonderful and lovely.

annah over at red means go! is always, always, always on the list for any blog award because she makes me laugh and think and cry laughing and wish i was just a bit latina most days.

tiffany writes on the verge, and honestly writes much less about diarrhea than she claims.  but is still hysterically funny.

and finally, nicki at the loaded handbag has this great mix of photos, life, humor, sarcasm, thought-provocation, and northeasterner that makes me happy in the pants. 

OMG ALL OF YOU HAVE WON THIS AMAZING BLOG AWARD!  i'll probably pester the hell out of all of you to come pick it the fuck up.

please know you deserve this adorable goggie-themed golden award.

pass it the fuck on to five other awesome blogs, please. 

ALSO.  thanks to a suggestion from reader and fellow blogger semi true torystellar, i will grow too big for my britches and give out my OWN blog award in the near future.  expect ridiculous rules and the threat of blog stalking and tormenting if you are awarded it.  it will be epic. 

epic.

ALSO ALSO.  i promish to have a new, useful, meaningful blog up and running soon.  possibly TODAY.  how productive!

you are now reading an AWARD WINNING blog!

and i'm totally going to let it go to my head.  my first ever bloggity award was given to me by vicki over at glitter frog. it's the one lovely blog award.

 

 

and it appears this blog award comes with some strings attached. good strings, though.

 

1 - grab the award and post it on your blog with the name of the person who awarded it to you

 

2 - pay it forward to 15 other blogs that you've discovered

 

3 - contact those bloggers and tell them they've been chosen for the one lovely blog award!

so since i'm so full of the awesome now, i've started my RESPEK KNUCKLES page.  it's totally available by clicking somewhere on the top of my page.  where it says RESPEK KNUCKLES.  obviously.

now i have to choose fifteen blogs to award this prestigious award to.

• my aunt motherfucking becky at mommy wants vodka because, obviously.
• annah over at red means go - my favorite famosity-whore
• the barreness at hello, sailor for her saucy, delicious, nigella-esqu-ness.
• charles at in review: stuff and things because he wears makeup so well.
• una at the sassy curmudgeon since she's so sassy.
• kristine at wait in the van because she may be my sister-in-craziness.
• tiffany over at on the verge for her amazing verbal diarrhea.
• jenny the bloggess.  i don't know that i can actually blog and not love her.
• nicki at the loaded handbag because she's funny and cute and real.
• sarah p over at naked cupcakes because i love all cupcakes, even lopsided ones.
• allie who does hyperbole and a half, because i probably never would have thought about blogging before i found her blog.
• becky at steam me up, kid because.. um, well, read the blog.  you'll see.  it's really that good.
• amanda who is ms. co-dependent who doesn't seem so co-dependent to me, but i'm crazy.  so.
• mrs. call me crazy at life's crazy joke because i gots to give it up for my crazy sisters.
• and my last one is going to semi true torystellar at can u relate?. even though she's just starting out, i expect great things from her and am preemptively awarding her for her awesomeness.  follow her, people.  good things to come.

 
now, i just have to actually TELL all these people that they got the one lovely blog award.