new award!

that's right, i got me a shiny new award!  it's called the gold framed dog blog award and i received it from semi true torystellar at can u relate?.  remember, you can see all my (two) awards on the RESPEK KNUCKLES! page.

now, apparently i'm supposed to pass this on to five other bloggers.  and i will do so now.

i would like to bestow this honor upon my aunt motherfucking becky at mommy wants vodka.  because, OBVIOUSLY.  she completely and totally deserves it.

i also would love to give it to my sextastic blogcrush the barreness at hello, sailor!.  she is delicious and wonderful and lovely.

annah over at red means go! is always, always, always on the list for any blog award because she makes me laugh and think and cry laughing and wish i was just a bit latina most days.

tiffany writes on the verge, and honestly writes much less about diarrhea than she claims.  but is still hysterically funny.

and finally, nicki at the loaded handbag has this great mix of photos, life, humor, sarcasm, thought-provocation, and northeasterner that makes me happy in the pants. 

OMG ALL OF YOU HAVE WON THIS AMAZING BLOG AWARD!  i'll probably pester the hell out of all of you to come pick it the fuck up.

please know you deserve this adorable goggie-themed golden award.

pass it the fuck on to five other awesome blogs, please. 

ALSO.  thanks to a suggestion from reader and fellow blogger semi true torystellar, i will grow too big for my britches and give out my OWN blog award in the near future.  expect ridiculous rules and the threat of blog stalking and tormenting if you are awarded it.  it will be epic. 

epic.

ALSO ALSO.  i promish to have a new, useful, meaningful blog up and running soon.  possibly TODAY.  how productive!

como hacer empanadas, perra

okay. i'm doing the empanada post. be forewarned - i have discovered that uploading multiple photos to blogger makes me super angry, so they are all down the middle and the same size and not fancy at all. i feel badly about this, like it's bad show or something, but i really want to share my empanadas and have had a special request :D so here we go.

also, i don't really 'do' recipes so much. i do lots of estimating and shaking and tasting. enjoy!

step one: chop up an onion. chop the hell out of it. like one mediumish onion. then put it in a pan with some olive oil. or butter. maybe half and half. like a total of 1tbsp. add a pinch of kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper.
saute those bitches until they are getting 'translucent'. which is not really possible, but that's generally the term one would use. they get less white. more pearly. browny bits on the edges. what have you.

step two: dump in some ground beef. 1/2 to 3/4 of a pound should do it. i use ground chuck - 80/20 - because that's how i roll. well, that's what was on sale this week at publix. and honestly, that IS how i roll. brown that shit up. see how it starts swimming in it's own ground beefy fat? drain it. that's nasty. gah - add more kosher salt/black pepper.
now it's been drained and it's nice and cooked. add in some garlic. i recommend at least 2 good sized cloves, chopped fine. i usually use 3 huge ass cloves, or 4 'good sized' cloves of garlic cause i fucking love garlic. yummmmmm.

step three: add a big potato, i usually get one around 3/4 of a pound. cut it into bite sized cubes, about a half an inch. oh, peel it please. i never really peel potatoes unless i'm making empanadas. also, i use basic russet potatoes. yukons would work well too, but i don't know how red or new potatoes would hang.

step forty two: add other shit to the beefy potatoey goodness. like at least 2 cups of water (you want to cover just about everything). if you desire, 4-10 shakes of tabasco sauce (we're on the 10 shakes side in this household. even mom likes it). 1.5-2tbsp of adobo. i love me some adobo seasoning. also add a half of a packet of sazon con azafran. i love my shit with azafran. (ergh... saffron.)

bring it to a boil. it should take just a few minutes, and may thicken up a bit. turn to low and simmer covered for 15-20 minutes. check after 15 to see if the potatoes are cooked through.

see how everything melds together? the potatoes are done now - if you still have a lot of extra liquid, simmer it uncovered for a few more minutes. stir occasionally.
step five... i think: i trust you have already thawed your discos... goya discos. i use the smaller ones, so i get a fuckload of itsy empanadas and can spread the deliciousness further. i also do not FULLY thaw them - i like them to still be super cold when i assemble. you'll want to roll them out a bit with a rolling pin, too - just to thin the discos out a bit. then plop a spoonful in the middle. like, two tablespoons? maybe a bit less? just go with it.

now, you don't want any of the meat & potato mixture to get close to the edges, where you will crimp and seal with a fork. keep it all in the middle or the empanadas will not seal right :/ and you will cry. so will i. also, now is a good time to preheat your oven to 375 degrees F.

step six: fill and fold discos until you have no more discos or filling, which ever comes first. if you have filling left over, eat it with a spoon while the empanadas are cooking.

step seven: melt some butter. like two tablespoonsish? and mix in the remaining half packet of sazon CON AZAFRAN. it will make an orangey buttery.... butter that you will brush on things. i like to use my fancy silicone pastry brush because it makes me feel important.

now, brush it on all your empanadas. the more butter you use, the fattier... ergh, better they will crisp up. now put them in the oven for about 20 minutes (check them after 17 to see if they are browning on the edges yet - that's when you'll want to take them out).

step by step: take them out of the oven and LEAVE THEM ALONE because they are fucking hot as all hell right now. turn off your oven and go like set the table or check for new stuff at http://rule42custom.com/.

final step: put on a plate, shake some tabasco on, and enjoy the fuck out of them. they reheat well too - i pop them in the microwave for about 20 seconds, just to warm them through, then i put them in the toaster until the very edges are a bit bubbly.

so that's mostly my empanada recipe. they're really delicious and not at all authentic. i have also added a diced tomato before and it's nice, but not necessary as far as i'm concerned. i serve them with nothing but tabasco sauce and eat at least two at a time - one is never enough. if you make these and find them as delicious as awesome husband and i do, let me know. if you make these and find them horrible, please don't blame me because i am obviously not any kind of latinish, nor colombian. i mean, potatoes i can do. i'm irish. so you KNOW the potatoes will be divine. at least there is that.

PS- i need to point out that blogger's spell check told me that i should spell AZAFRAN 'saffron'. well played, blogger. well played.

fish are friends, not food

i love to eat. not really like just eat (although i do partake of emotional eating :/) but i wholeheartedly enjoy food. i love to cook most nights, unless i have a really bad day. and i'm guilty of spending money on shitty food but i do love food. like, okay, i'll spend $10 on the 'steak' at outback, but i know that's not really steak. i go to outback to get the salad and a sweet potato and sidney's sinful sundae. outback 'steak' is a means to an end. i will go to chili's and eat the fuck out of quesadillas and black beans and rice, but i know it's not mexican really. it's like sort of tex-mex-inspired.

not that i'm the best cook in the world. or some kind of food connoisseur, but i know what i like. and if i can't find it, i try to make it. like colombian empanadas. we used to get these killer empanadas when we lived in new york. there was a shitty colombian restaurant that served lunch for $5 that was a plate of beans, rice, and chicken - enough to fill awesome husband for the day. and they had these empanadas that he used to buy and bring home for me. delicious. but they don't have empanadas like that here in the FLA. i guess there's too much of a cuban influence in florida? maybe. but i had to take matters into my own hands and MAKE my own recipe by searching online, remembering what i ate, and trial/error. and it took some time, but i finally got a decent colombian-inspired empanada that i'm super happy with.

and my arroz con pollo... that was harder. back in the days that i worked at boston market, i worked with a bunch of puerto rican guys and gals who taught me some super rudimentary spanish and shared some good food with me. i remember one day, one of the girls took some pulled chicken in a bowl, and topped it with the rice pilaf and marinara sauce that we had. i was like, really? that's an interesting combination. (mind you, at this point the closest i'd gotten to any latin food was taco bell.) she told me it was kind of like a quick arroz con pollo, and my interest was piqued. yummy chicken? starchy rice? red sauce? i love these things: tell me more! she did one better: she brought in her mom's arroz con pollo one day, and i was smitten.

i was also a kid and not paying attention. life went on, and ten years later i realized i had never had arroz con pollo like that. so i set off to create my own version. the problems mounted quickly: i am not spanish, puerto rican, colombian, mexican, or any other latinish that would make someone in my family have a great hand me down recipe for arroz con pollo (or even rice and beans.. grr). we have things like 'stay in bed stew' that my drunk irish great aunt concocted, and boiled meats and potatoes, since we're mostly irish. so i set off to the interwebs. i found lots of recipes, none of which were right. so i tried, and tried, and tried again.

and finally i was able to figure out something close to what i was fed all those years ago. is it authentic? i would say 'no fucking way'. are my empanadas authentic? probably not. but they remind me of these delicous things i was fed all those years ago that make my mouth water and my tummy happy. and i really think that ultimately, that's what matters. now if only i could master souvlaki. no matter what recipe i've tried, or what combination i've come up with, it's never as good as from a decent greek place. i'm going to try avgolemono soup next. i am determined but not confident that i will be successful. but at least i'll always have my empanadas and arroz con pollo. and real steak from pace's when i visit new york.