insert witty blog title here

i want to write, but i'm not coming up with anything good to title this random blog of crap.  so tough titties.  apparently i'm not going to be witty today.

piglet seems to be doing better.  she's active, and eating, and stepping on me with her pointy feet, and following me around relentlessly until i tell her to stay put and leave me alone.  so, back to normal.  i'm going pet food shopping today to switch up their food again.  i love love love the grain-free ingredient list of what i'm currently feeding, but the calorie count is really low.  i think i can find something close to as good with minimal grains and more calories.  and she's ready to go back on kibble starting today - which is excellent.  because we've been feeding her nighttime snack wet food on our bedroom floor.  and i don't know if it's a cat-eating-on-carpet thing or a new piglet-has-no-canines thing but she's a messy wet food eater now.  very messy.  i'm hoping to put all three cats on wet food breakfast and midday feeding, then kibbles for nighttime snack before bed.

i'm sad that i haven't been cross stitching recently but i've been doing other things.  i've picked up a few books about recovery and psychology and shit, so i've been reading.  one is about healing your inner child.  it's already very powerful and i think it will be useful, not just for me but in my counseling.  i also got a cute little book of daily affirmation things for recovery.  i'll use that in groups i think.  and i finished my positivity jar the other day!

positivity jar for work.  full of POSITIVITY!

i first collected five pages of positive affirmations.  some are for recovery, some are for self-worth and self-love, all are positive and applicable to anyone.  then i formatted them to be roughly the same size, like a largish return address label.  then i cut pretty scrapbook paper to 8.5x12" and reset the margins, then printed the affirmations one page at a time.  i used that cutting pad and a rotary cutter to cut each affirmation, folded each in half, and tossed them in the jar.  i used one of the scrapbook papers to cover the top part of the mason jar so it's pretty.  i'm considering seeing if any of my crafty friends have a cricut and could be commissioned into making a nice vinyl cling to put on the jar.  i plan on keeping this on my desk and when someone is having a particularly shitty day, they can get some positivity.  another idea is to bring it into group and pass it around, having everyone choose one and discuss it.  

i also bought another mason jar that i'm going to paint black on the inside (maybe with some glitter, who knows?) for negative thoughts.  i found a notepad with neon colored pages about 3"x5" that i'm going to have people write negative crap on, fold it up, and put it in that jar.  when i was in high school, we had a woman who ran the bookstore that we called 'mom'.  she was amazing and empathetic and loving and caring.  she truly cared about each of us, everyone in that school.  some of us gravitated toward her and spent a lot of time with her.  one day mom emptied out the bottom drawer of her desk and started having us write stupid shit that we needed to let go on her cube pad of neon paper.  we'd even draw little pictures sometimes.  then we'd fold it up and dump it in that drawer.  once it was in that drawer, that was it - we had to leave it there and let it go.  we went through that drawer when we were graduating high school, and it was ridiculous the types of shit we were going to hold on to.  i'm hoping to recreate that with this jar.  in recovery, we talk about recognizing what we can and cannot control, and letting go of what we can't control.  this is a tangible exercise in that.  i think.  

awesome husband @_antgas and i went to a local organic farm last weekend to meet baby animals.  i was kind of bummed that there were only a few baby animals - chicks and a lamb - but there were also alpaca.  which were neat.  but distracted.

@_antgas and the alpaca.  who was watching other things.

i pet a lamb! it was completely unconcerned with us and had a one track mind for nibbling.

then we stopped at another farm famous for it's pies.  @_antgas got a peach pie and we got some cookies.  i don't like peach pie, but he enjoyed it.  (not all of it, we shared with his parents and grandma.)

and then a couple of weeks ago i broke down and cooked meat.  i mentioned 'pot roast' once to awesome husband @_antgas and he couldn't get it out of his mind apparently.  i bought a huge pot roast, enough for dinner and lunch for him for the entire week.  i made it and it was fucking delicious and i felt horrible touching and cooking meat.  but it was worth it.  i'm still sticking to my roughly 90% vegetarian lifestyle (i don't like labels and i like freedom to eat whatever the fuck i want) but i haven't had my mom's pot roast in a very, very long time.  the gravy wasn't as thick as i'd have liked, but it's been years since i've tried to make gravy so i was pretty pleased with it all around.

um, yum.

and then i picked up a bookcase from craigslist.  it was $15 and it's not real wood but it was $15.  i'm going to prime it and paint it and use it in my office.  i'm thinking of trying to take the back off and wrap it in fabric or line it with scrapbook paper.  or i might paint the insides one color and the outside another.  or something else i find on pinterest that ruins life for me.

so, life has been good.  i'm going to be a paid counselor as of monday.  the cats are doing well.  i'm feeing okay emotionally.  still in a lot of pain rheumatoid disease wise.  the humira doesn't seem to be helping at all.  yet.  it's only been about 3 weeks, so we'll see.  hopefully it starts to work.  and hopefully it works well and i won't have a lot of pain and i'll be comfortable again.

delicious pretzel time recipe!

we had a visit from hercules here on long island.  i still want to know who the hell decided we had to name winter storms? 

it snowed thursday night into friday morning.  awesome husband's job wanted him to come in, but for like five hours.  and it would have taken him two to get there and back.  and he already made his money for the week.  so he stayed home.

he was home A LOT this week.  he was off last weekend.  he worked monday.  he was off tuesday because he made the most hours for the company last week so he won a contest for a paid day off.  he was off wednesday for new year's day.  he worked thursday.  he didn't go in yesterday because of the storm.  and he's off today and tomorrow.  

huh.

which mean i have to entertain him.  well, not so much 'entertain' him, but he hates sitting around watching television and doing nothing (i.e.: what i do all the time when i'm not working or interning).    we ended up playing some video games together and baking.  it was a good day to bake.  what did we make?

AWWW HELL YEAH!

yup.  awesome husband @_antgas and i made pretzel bites.  they were fucking delicious.  we ate all of them.  ALL OF THEM.  i then ate a small salad for dinner because pretzels are not calorie-free, regardless of what i'd like to think.  even if they're not freshly made soft pretzels, i really love pretzels.  they are definitely my go-to snack.

my traditional american family holiday (christmas) gift from my dad made this all possible.  revdadbob came through with a 6 quart kitchen aid stand mixer.  i've been wanting to bake more but my hands hurt too much.  even mixing chocolate chips in cookie mix is very hard for me.  now?  not so much.

thanks, dad!

so we broke that shit out and got to baking.  

delicious fucking pretzel bites*

*you can rename this recipe if necessary.

ingredients:

• 1 1/8 cups of water, heated to appropriate temperature
• 1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast
• 3 cups all purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 quarts water to boil
• 1/4 cup baking soda
• some butter and coarse salt 

be sure to check your yeast for the best temperature to bloom.  baking with yeast can seem daunting but it's not that hard if you follow the directions.  i followed some instructions i found online stating the water should be between 70º and 80º, but my yeast wasn't blooming.  i read the packet and it had a different temperature.  so my yeast took a long time to bloom, and it didn't get as frothy as i would have liked.  the taste was still good.  so, you know.  your mileage may vary.

1.  get your water and get it to the right temperature.  if you're using a metal bowl like me, prewarm it by running hot water in it so the bowl isn't so cold.  if it's cold, it lowers the temperature of the water.  yeast are super particular about crap like that.  i used filtered tap water and a digital food thermometer to get to 78º (which was too freaking cool but whatever.  don't make the same mistakes i do).  

2.  add in the brown sugar.  yeast likes to eat sugar.  this should help the proofing and it also makes the pretzels yummy yummy yummy.

me adding active dry yeast to my warm water

3.  after adding in your active dry yeast, mix it up until you can't really see the yeast granules any longer.  don't use a high speed - just mix.  i think i used like 1 or 2.  i didn't want to hurt the yeast.  i also covered it with a dish cloth and left it for a bit.  your yeast should start to bloom in about 5 minutes.  i like to watch it bloom because i'm a damn nerd.

take this time to marvel at the idea of yeast.  you purchased this little packet or jar in the dairy section and it was just a packet or jar.  you've added it to sugar and warm water and it's coming ALIVE.  yeast is ALIVE.  it is in there EATING THE SUGAR and being awesome.  life.  LIFE, MAN.

4.  i forgot to take some photos.  but after your yeast is all bloomy, dump in the 3 cups of flour.  i used whole wheat organic all purpose flour by king arthur.  they aren't paying me or anything, but i wouldn't mind being paid in flour or other awesome products :D  i have used it for pretzels, dredging, cookies - and we love it.

5.  if you are using a stand mixer, you do not want to mix it faster/higher than 2 with the dough hook.  four minutes should be perfect.  if you're doing this shit by hand, knead for about 8 minutes.

6.  oil a bowl and put the dough ball in it, turning to coat.  cover with a towel and put it somewhere to rise.  i put it in my cold oven - THE OVEN WAS OFF DON'T TURN IT ON.  you can put it anywhere cool and dry and dark.  leave it alone for an hour.

7.  after an hour, separate the dough ball into eight equal pieces.  roll each piece out to about a 20" rope.  you can then either twist it into a pretzel shape or cut it up like i did.

my dough rope may not have been 20 inches.  tough shit.

8.  while you are doing this, do something else i didn't take photos of - boil your water.  you want to boil the 2 quarts of water and stir in 1/4 cup of baking soda.  make sure it's mixed in, and try to use about 2 quarts of water.  too much more and the baking soda won't be able to do it's job.  too little water and you may taste the baking soda.  i don't know what job the baking soda does, i'm sorry.  but let it do it's job.

9.  once you have your pretzels/pretzel bites/pretzel rolls set and your water is boiling, you want to boil each pretzel thing for about 10-15 seconds.  use a slotted spoon to remove them and put them on a plate with paper towels to drain.

10.  grease your cookie sheets.  i used butter; you can use something else but i decided i wanted to make sure we had a nice buttery tasting soft pretzel bite.  

11.  put all your naked, boiled pretzel things on your cookie sheets; sprinkle your coarse salt on top at this time.

12.  put your cookie sheets full of naked pretzel things into a 425º oven.  my bites took about 10-11 minutes; i would recommend watching closely after 8 minutes.  ALSO do not put your sheets on the bottom rack - i have read reviews that this can overcook the bottoms of your pretzels.

salted pretzel bites and a couple of small pretzel rolls in the oven.  yum.

13.  like i said, keep an eye on them after about 8 minutes.  most of mine were a light to medium golden on top, and when i touched them they were soft with a defined 'crust', kind of like a bagel maybe?  it's hard to describe.  poke them.  feel them.  love them.

14.  melt a bit of butter (i melted maybe a tablespoon for all of these pretzel bites).  as soon as your pretzels are out of the oven, brush that melted butter over the tops.  

15.  eat the absolute crap out of those pretzels.

this is a plate full of pretzel bites.  they were delicious.

yum.  YUM.

i did not do anything other than salt and butter.  but i was thinking that you could try so many other things.  like skip the salt, brush with butter after baking, and dust with cinnamon sugar; use garlic salt before baking; make small rolls and stuff them with something.  you could even add stuff to the dough i bet - like chopped jalapenos, and then dip in cheese?  maybe?  i read something like that online.

and i think that's the best part about this recipe - it's a great base to try other things.  wrap the dough around hot dogs or veggie dogs.  make sandwich or burger sized rolls.  do whatever your crazy, pretzel loving heart desires.

and tell me if you liked them.  or share your pretzel ideas.  remember, i'm on pinterest, i'm on tumblr, and you can find me on twitter - @stephgas.  my goal is to have people i don't know share my recipes on pinterest, so please feel free to pin and link back to my blog.

cleaner oatmeal

i don't even like oatmeal.  yuck.

awesome husband @_antgas decided that he wanted something else for breakfast.  oatmeal.  and of course i'm not going to shell out money for the man in the hat's tiny instant envelopes of crap.  have you read the ingredients?

so i got on teh interwebz and started my research.  i ended up finding out how one makes oatmeal (because i didn't know how).  i learned the difference between instant and quick cook and steel cut omfg i hate oatmeal.

awesome husband requested cinnamon raisin (holy shit i hate raisins too.  what goes on?).  i trekked to to the store to get the necessary ingredients (for this AND a cold salad that he requested.  expect another fucking post on that.  i promise, i don't intend for this to be a recipe/craft blog.  i just keep doing things.  no photos on this one.  because i'm not making the oatmeal.  because it's disgusting.  (no, really, i'm sure this tastes delicious if you like oatmeal.)

cleaner eatin' sorta-instant cinnamon raisin oatmeal

• 6 cups of quick cooking oats of your choice (check the ingredients to make sure there isn't any added shit.  the entire 18oz canister is 6 cups)
• 6oz raisins (i just bought a 12oz box and used like half)
• 1/2 cup brown sugar (break it up, put it through a sifter, whatever you need to do)
• 4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp sea salt

i put this all in one big glass bowl and mixed it all up.  i had to touch the raisins and break some of them up because they stuck together.  is that a thing?  hmph.  

then i portioned out 1/2 cup of the oat mixture into a baggie.  it made 15 baggies.  i wrote the instructions on each one.  for 1/2 cup of oatmeal mixture, add 1 cup of water or milk.  microwave for 2 minutes (maybe try 1.5 minutes first?  it might vary depending on your microwave).

conversely, you could boil said milk or water and then mix in the oatmeal.  cook for one minute.

i hope it's good.  i'm told it's good.  so, you know.  enjoy it.

super easy stir fried vegetables

i know, i know.  too many recipe posts.  but i keep making things and dug out my old olympus that i love taking photos with.  so here we go.

i make it really easy by using a bag of frozen vegetables.  i know, right?  i use this birds eye green been stir fry blend to be ultra lazy - it even has some noodles in it.  you could really use any frozen veggie stir fry blend and some noodles.  if you use pasta or noodles that need to be boiled, i'd cook them to al dente and then mix them in at the end.  check the directions on your chosen noodles - some noodles like rice noodles only need to be steeped in hot water, not boiled.  and i guess you could serve this over rice if you prefer.  remember, i'm not a big measurer, but i try.  it's so important to measure when your'e baking because that's all chemical reactions, but i cook by smell and taste usually.

super easy stir fried vegetables

it tastes pretty damn good, and even better because it's so simple to make.  i assemble all my spices and what not first, and then get to cooking.  i serve the entire bag for awesome husband @_antgas and me.  it's a decent sized, not too heavy dinner. 

• coconut or olive oil (like a tablespoon)
• 16oz bag of frozen veggie stir fry blend (or approximately 16oz of your chosen frozen veggies.  think carrots, broccoli, peppers, onions, asparagus, water chestnuts)
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup vegetable stock
• 4 tsp low sodium soy sauce
• 1 tbsp hoisin sauce
• 1 tsp rice vinegar
• 1/4-1/2 tsp dried red pepper flakes
• grated fresh ginger (like, 1/8tsp?)
• sesame oil and sesame seeds for finishing

a bunch of the ingredients are really for the sauce.  i use better than bouillon organic veggie base.  i take my pyrex measuring cup and heat up 1/4c water in the microwave, then add 1/3tsp of the veggie base to combine.  then i can use that measuring cup for all the liquid stuff.

1. put the coconut or olive oil in your pan over medium heat.
2. add in your veggies - i toss them all in at once.  cook over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring occasionally.  since the veggies are frozen, it should take 5 or 6 minutes.  BUT halfway through this, i add in the garlic.  i don't like to add it at the beginning because i'm afraid it will overcook.
3. while your veg are cooking, take your 1/4c of broth in a small bowl (or pyrex measuring cup) and add in the soy sauce, hoisin sauce, rice vinegar, and red pepper flakes.  mix that up.
4. once your vegetables are cooked (i usually want them just not frozen and warm through) add in the liquid.
5. keep simmering - probably medium/medium-low heat - for a couple of minutes.  the liquid should reduce by about half, maybe a little more depending on your preference.
6. grate on some fresh ginger.  or add a bit of dried, powdered stuff.
7. remove from heat and splash about 1/2tsp of sesame oil on top.  mix in and plate.
8. once your veggies are plated, sprinkle some sesame seeds on top - just a bit.  i use both white and black sesame seeds because i love the look of black sesame seeds.

yum.  just enough heat in the sauce coating the crisp veggies.

yummy and pretty darn easy.  the hardest part for me was getting the damn jar of better than bouillon open.  i have a big jar and it's hard for me to open.  luckily awesome husband @_antgas is stronger than i am.  you can play with the sauce recipe too.  don't like ginger?  don't add it.  like it hotter?  add some sweet chili sauce.  want more protein?  marinate cubes of chicken or firm tofu in a mixture of hoisin sauce and brown sugar.  then dredge in flour and fry.  play with it and make it your own.

vegetarian potato soup

today i'm making potato soup.  it's a recipe that i modified from cara at pearls, handcuffs, and happy hour to make vegetarian so my brother could eat it too.  to give many of my vegetarian dishes that meaty, umami flavor, i add better than bouillon vegetable base.  it is the 'meatiest' flavored vegetable base/broth that i've found.  they also make a no-beef beef flavored base and a no-chicken chicken flavored base.  i prefer to use the vegetable base.  i use it anytime chicken or beef broth is called for in a recipe.  i've had great success using it in risottos, with portobello mushrooms to make cheesesteaks, and in stir fried meals.  (i have not received any special stuff for mentioning better than bouillon... but would love free samples if they want to share!)

i used 42oz of filtered water and about 4 teaspoons of vegetable base... give or take.  it smelled meaty and good.

i've tried to find a balance between cost, organic ingredients, and accessible ingredients.  i don't always have time to order shit online or drive all over the place to get good stuff.  ore ida is a brand i trust, and they add minimal ingredients for preservation.  i'm using an organic cream of mushroom soup for the first time (i tried making this once with an organic cream of cheddar and broccoli - everyone else liked it, i didn't love it).  as for cheese... well, the amount of cheese awesome husband @_antgas and i eat makes it very cost prohibitive to shop all organic and whatnot.  we usually use stop & shop brand cheeses but really... cheese is pasteurized milk, enzymes, salt, and sometimes color.  i'm comfortable enough with their ingredients, even though they are not organic.  and for this recipe, i purchased the onion down the road at a local farmstand.  i've been trying to get as much produce as i can there.  but i have actually used frozen diced onions before with excellent results - and they're very convenient because you can just grab a handful and add them to whatever.

Vegetarian Potato Soup

delicious.  and it reheats rather well - we reheat it in a pot on the stove over medium-low heat, stirring regularly.

ingredients:

• one bag of frozen shredded hash browns (30oz bag)
• 42oz of vegetable broth (or 3 14oz cans of your chosen broth)
• 1 can of condensed cream of mushroom soup (or other cream based soup - cream of chicken, cream of cheddar)
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 8oz package cream cheese - use a full fat brick (low fat or whipped seem to melt funny for me)
• 1/2tsp fresh cracked black pepper
• shredded cheddar cheese (a small handful/big pinch to top each bowl)
• a handful of scallions/green onions, chopped (appx. 1tbsp per bowl)
• bacon bits to your heart's content (seriously, check the ingredients of most bacon bits - there is NO BACON, NO MEAT in most of them)

BOOM - you're ready to go.  get your shit together and clear a spot on your counter top - remember, most slow cookers get pretty darn hot on the sides, so you want a few inches of space on all sides.  plug it in and set it to low!

1. dump in your frozen shredded hash browns.
2. pour in your 42oz of broth.
3. pour in your condensed cream soup (do not add extra liquid).
4. dump in that chopped onion.
5. crack some pepper.
6. put the top on and leave it the hell alone for 6-7 hours.

   

   mix it all up good.  cover and leave it alone.  if you're like me, you can peek/sniff/stir a couple of time.

7. at hour 7, add in the cream cheese.  some people leave it out to get to room temperature before adding.  i cut it into little hunks and drop them in, stirring to combine.  
8. cook on low for 1 more hour. 
9. if your cream cheese is not completely combined, taking a whisk to the soup should help combine it.  you want it all mixed in to achieve a nice, smooth, creamy consistency.
   
   

   

   add in the cubed cream cheese.  whisk it up if needed.

10. put in huge ass bowls; sprinkle with a bit more fresh cracked pepper, some cheddar cheese, scallions, and bacon bits like woah.  some people report adding a dollop of sour cream too.  i hate sour cream, so fuck that.
11. eat the hell out of the soup because it's really good.

    
    

    a bowl full of deliciousness.  that's a bit of extra sharp new york cheddar cheese, scallions, and mccormick bacon bits - vegetarian friendly!

pop any leftovers in a plastic storage thingy and stick it in the fridge.  leftovers are just as yummy.  

RAWR - RAW... coincidence?

'rawr' is obviously the sound cats make.  and it contains the word 'raw' in it.

which is a really lame and not at all interesting way for me to tell you i'm feeding my cats a partially raw diet.

this is a controversial topic.  people are used to feeding cats what's in the grocery store.  they think it's okay to spend $10 on a 20 pound bag of food and call it a day.  they think, cats have eaten table scraps and whatever for years and they're okay.

not quite true.  dogs have been domesticated for at least 14,000 years, possibly a lot longer (i think a lot longer).  there was a dna diversion from wolves up to 100,000 years ago.  dogs were the first domesticated animal.  they've been eating whatever fell from the table or whatever scraps we threw at them for-EVER.

cats, on the other hand.... well, if you're a cat person, you can immediately see the differences between cats and dogs.  cats are not pack animals, and they do not 'recognize' a pack leader.  each cat is their own leader.  they'll fight with the other cats in the house whenever and wherever they feel like it.  oh, cats will get along.  because it's easier.

how stuff works' website has a good article about feline domestication.  the article also makes an excellent point about how feral cats survive so easily.  the american domestic shorthair - the cat equivalent of the mutt - makes a wonderful housepet, but can also survive very well in the wilds of long island.  i know because there are tons of feral cat colonies, some of which are trapped, fixed, and returned to their colony by loving volunteers all over long island.  some are fed.  but the point is, there is physically and biologically nothing different between my piglet, samantha, and jake and the colonies of feral cats out there - except my brood lives in my home and is cared for by me.

although, right now, jake is chattering at the door because he can see birds on the bird feeder.  which is the entire reason i bought a bird feeder.  i like them being able to see the birds and remembering that I WANT TO KILL THAT AND EAT IT OMFG I'M A WILD BEAST AND I NEED TO KILLLLLLLL.

because, deep down, that's what all cats want.  watch your cat hunt the little red dot; hunt its housemates; stalk the bird on the outside tree.

but don't keep your cats outside.  i strongly believe that pet cats belong inside unless on supervised yard visits.  i do not think that cats (or dogs) should be let out unsupervised to roam the neighborhood.  of course, that's another blog.

so raw food.  the BARF diet, aka bones and raw food or biologically appropriate raw food diet, is about giving the cats what they would eat in the wild, in its raw form.  it entails a lot of ordering organic rabbit and having it shipped to your home for outrageous amounts of money.  or finding a good local butcher who will butcher and sell you bits of chicken, quail, rabbit, duck, etc.  or buying these meats yourself and bringing them home.

but a cat has specific vitamin and mineral needs.  did it get all these from it's prey in the past?  maybe, maybe not.  of course, humans take multivitamins every day to supplement their diet and ensure they're getting the right nutrients - right?  so many pet parents buy raw meats and add special supplements to make sure their cats are getting enough essential nutrients - like taurine, which is imperative for cat's health.  these meats are offered in their raw form and ground up with the supplements added.  with the bones and all.  because bone is actually an important part of a cat's diet.  calcium.

then you have very concerned pet parents like me who are lazier than that.  at least, for now.  and we are concerned about our cats very specific nutrient needs.  so we turn to commercially prepared raw foods that have no or limited non-animal products.  these are in their natural state, uncooked and unprocessed.  or very minimally so.  we kept researching and changing: from friskies and crap to iams (which is also crap), to blue buffalo (crap), to wellness (not too crappy, but eh) and finally i found nature's variety instinct.  it's 86% animal bits and 14% veggies/fruits/minerals/vitamins.  i'd prefer the 'non-meat' to be 10% or less, but this is pretty damn close.  once we started feeding this kibble, which is completely grain free, we noticed a difference in the litter box.  less poop.  with each higher quality food we've fed the cats, we've noticed this positive change.

then we tackled the canned/wet food.  i searched and searched for my picky piglet, and happened upon weruva.  this food is minimally processed in a factory in thailand.  i know what you're thinking: THAILAND??? REALLY?  but yes.  it's actually processed in a factory that processed human food as well.  it's family owned - and that human food is sold in america.  so it meets USDA standards.  and i felt this was a good balance.  the cats were pretty happy, i was pretty happy.  poop was minimal.  vomiting was at an all-time low.

but i wanted more, better, whole-r foods for my cats.  awesome husband @_antgas and i had started eating so much healthier and cutting back on processed foods.  hell, i even stopped drinking diet coke (i know, hell may have frozen over.  i still enjoy a diet soda once or twice a week).  so it was important to feed my furbabies well too.  which is why i've started feeding them freeze dried and frozen raw.  the freeze dried is neat - i can rehydrate it with warm water so the temperature is perfect.  i am experimenting with other frozen raw foods and am having mixed results.

but overall, the results are good.

jake, piglet, and samantha enjoying a raw dinner

so there you have it.  the beginning of our raw journey.  hopefully we'll see more health benefits and find a vet that doesn't treat me like an idiot for feeding raw.  but that's definitely another blog post.

propoganda!

you may know that i don't like the word diet.  as one of my heros (and i'm not fucking kidding) richard simmons says, the first three letters of the word 'diet' are 'DIE'.  i prefer lifestyle change.  because a fad 'diet' is not sustainable; it's about making lifelong, sustainable changes to your life that will make you healthier.  the word 'diet' describes what foods you consider suitable to eat daily (fruit is part of a healthy diet).  it may refer to what a group of people eat (new yorkers eat a diet rich in pizza) or a recommended type of food (my diabetes means i should be on a low sugar diet).  diet is a noun; it describes WHAT you eat. people 'diet' as a verb; it describes HOW you limit yourself things because you don't think you're worthy to eat them, or you're too fat, or whatever.  think about a religious jew who doesn't eat pork - he's not ON a diet, that's just something that's not IN his diet.

it surprises some people that i love richard simmons.  i remember as a teen doing his 'sweatin' to the oldies' routines and honestly working up a sweat (and i wasn't even fat).  a lot of people my age just think he's a funny, gay, short-short wearing exercise freak.  but he's more than that.  richard simmons was a very in demand actor in italy in the 1960s.  he was in italy studying art and being fat, and was still very much in demand.  one day someone left him a note saying something like fat people die, and i don't want you to die.  that really struck richard and he 'went on a diet' - the wrong way.  he lost a fuckton of weight in a couple of months - over 100 pounds.  in A COUPLE OF MONTHS.  he did it by starving himself, overexercising, and using diet pills - and landed in the hospital.  it inspired richard to research nutrition and a proper diet (noun) and he returned to america, taking a job in a restaurant - witnessing firsthand how out of control portion sizes and poor diet (noun) choices were.

so what did he do?  he helped millions of people lose MILLIONS of pounds...  on the dr oz show in 2010, richard said that over his 35 year career in fitness/health, he estimated that he had helped people lose over 12 million pounds.  i bet it's more.  richard still does his fitness thang at his fitness center in beverly hills (where else?).  he leads motivational classes.  and i think richard simmons is ridiculously motivating.  he's so excited and cuddly.  all he wants to do is make you healthy.  i read a quote from richard once saying he didn't have many friends.  he felt he didn't have a lot to offer one person - he had a lot to offer a lot of people.  he has spread his love and motivation and support around the globe, just trying to make us all a little healthier.

i don't like when people talk bad about richard simmons.

it's his philosophy about diets that i really love.  i might tell people 'i'm on a diet' but only because it's easier for people to understand.  it's hard to say 'i'm in the midst of a lifestyle change'.  it sounds like i'm about to undergo gender reassignment surgery.  (i'm not.)  i'm not ON a diet.  i'm CHANGING my diet.  i'm redesigning a healthier DIET for me and my family (aka awesome husband @_antgas).  and what started that dietary change?  well, aside from the fact that i'm fat, my husband is in the best shape of his life, and that every january i try again?

'fat, sick, and nearly dead'.  that's what started this.  it's a documentary (available on netflix) about this guy who was... well, fat, sick, and nearly dead.  he had a rare autoimmune disorder and was on so many pills.  he decided that he was going to give his body what it needed to heal itself (short story) and he went on a 60 day juice fast - and lost so much weight.  AND was able to stop taking all of his medications.  he basically cured himself.

now a 60 day juice fast sounds ridiculous to me.  i like to chew things.  plus all that produce would just be ridiculously expensive, especially during winter in new york.  but @_antgas and i decided it was an excellent way to get our daily fruit and veg.  on a regular day, if i ate one serving of fruit and two servings of veggies, i was happy.  i don't have time/money/energy/stomach space to eat that much fruit and veg.  so we started juicing about 5 nights a week.  i learned i don't like kale.  i was reminded about how much i love fresh carrot juice.  and we started experimenting with ginger and different types of apples and what we could find in the reduced produce section at stop & shop.

but what really happened is we started watching other diet (noun and verb) documentaries on netflix.  ones like 'killer at large: why obesity is america's greatest threat', 'hungry for change', 'food matters', 'forks over knives', and 'vegucated'.  they're all great docs, but the two that really seemed to resonate with @_antgas and me were 'forks over knives' and 'vegucated'.  'forks over knives' talks about two doctors and a plant based diet.  and how it fixes EVERYTHING.  overgeneralization, i know.  but really, google it and 'the china study' and learn about how the instances of chronic illnesses and cancers skyrockets when meat and dairy are heavy in one's diet.  'vegucated' is about three new yorkers who accept a challenge to live a vegan lifestyle for six weeks with guidance from another vegan.  this movie may use a bit more visual scare tactics (how pigs are slaughtered, for instance) to promote veganism, but it still has some good animal rights information and health info from the three volunteers.

i have seen the PETA videos.  the ones where they hold rabbit's eyes open to test cosmetics in them and you hear the rabbits scream.  i've seen most of the 'meet your meat' video, but while i was in high school.  i remember being terribly saddened by them.... enough to ensure that my cosmetics were not tested on animals (that began my boycott of revlon and gillette) but not enough to stop enjoying the everliving fuck out of a steak.  for some reason, seeing this kind of stuff again at 32 years old and 271 pounds (already lost 14 since the new year), i was devastated.

and watching 'forks over knives' really affected @_antgas.  we're all taught how meat and dairy are good for us - hell, the government includes them in the myplate dietary guidelines (which replaced the pyramid).  our parents used to admonish us to 'drink your milk'.  but you know what?  we're the only mammal that continues drinking milk after infancy.  it's really like breastmilk - mammalian milk is meant to feed the young.  and we drink ANOTHER ANIMAL'S milk.  that's.... i mean, that's kind of strange, right?  a little strange.  like when that creepy uncle picks you up and it's awkward and a little inappropriate.  but the china study (discussed in 'forks over knives') followed the health of chinese people in 65 counties of china that ate a plant-based diet.  as meat and dairy were increased in their diets, the instances of cancers - particularly prostate and colon cancers - SKYROCKETED.  and through all of these movies and some other research, we learned about the carbon footprint of a meat-based diet versus a plant-based diet (you can google meatless mondays and check the UN - yes, united nations - website for basic info on that).

so the last week has seen the gas family undergoing probably the biggest lifestyle change we've ever seen.  there is no longer cow's milk in this house - we are using almond milk for cooking, cereal, and protein shakes.  i used soy milk in my coffee and was unimpressed... i'm going to try coconut milk next.    @_antgas found a soy based protein shake - no animal derived proteins.  i served meat-free meals almost all week.  we had fish (sushi) on wednesday.  @_antgas had chicken on friday and i had chicken sausage yesterday.  we're continuing to juice.

it was funny, my first thought was 'we don't eat THAT much meat'.  out of seven nights a week, i only cooked meat maybe four or five.... and i realized, that's kind of more than i thought.  but then we realized that we were eating meat every single day for lunch - cold cuts.  now i'm making beans and rice for lunch.  and @_antgas is on a bit of a cleaner food kick as well.  he's reading labels and cutting down processed foods.  i looked at the back of my favorite low fat ranch salad dressing (i use it for my carrot snack time) - HOLY FUCK.  i now use hummus for my carrots.  and that special k cereal?  the cookies i like?  ergh.  you can be vegetarian and eat SO SHITTILY - did you know oreos (and teddy grahams) are technically vegan.  i do not support PETA, and i will not link to them in my blog.  but they have an interesting page called 'accidentally vegan' where you can see a bunch of crap that you wouldn't think is vegan.  but if all you eat is morningstar farms veggie burgers, oreos, and soy ice cream - you're not healthy.  you might be vegetarian/vegan, but you're not healthy.

we're striving to be healthy.  we're looking at lower-processed, meat-free and dairy-free food item.  @_antgas is gung ho on cutting out dairy.  i think he's fucking crazy.  i love cheese.  LOVE. IT.  and i finally started eating yogurt like three years ago and i like to mix my chia seeds in it.  and since i started eating it every day, well, let's say my intestines are a lot happier and more regular.

have you TRIED vegan cheese?  don't.  please.  just don't.

so instead of cutting out all dairy FOREVER, we're going to visit some local long island farms this spring and see if we can't find some locally produced, organic egg and cheese options.  until then, we're buying 'cage free' organic eggs and keeping our fingers crossed.  and i'm still buying cheese.  and i'm still going to eat the fuck out of it.

but meat?  not so much.  i think it's amazing that i've only eaten meat twice in the past week - and one time was fish, not even meat-meat.  and i feel pretty damn good.  i just never thought that this would happen.  my brother has been a vegetarian for seven years (i think it's about seven years...) and i remember asking him, don't you think you'll ever want a steak again?  my family LOVES some steak.  and he said he didn't think so.  he can go out to eat with us and watch EVERYONE around him eat a steak, and he's perfectly happy with his pasta primavera.  to be honest, i used to think he was crazy.  no chicken stir fry?  no chinese food boneless pork spare ribs?  NO FUCKING STEAK???!?!?!!

REALLY???!

now?  not so much.  i remember my brother telling me what finally drove him to be vegetarian.  i never thought he was crazy for making the choice; i even told him i understood it.  i did - i am empathetic enough to understand why he chose it.  but now i REALLY understand it.  and while my brother's main reasons for eating a vegetarian diet are animal-rights based, i understand the health benefits as well.

and so we embark on a plant based lifestyle.

crockpot crazy

i have a handful of go-to recipes i make in my crock pot.  moroccon beef stew.  chili.  black beans.  occasional soups.  but i've never really ROCKED my crock.

until now.  thanks to @misstattootara, who has a pinning obsession (as do i, find me on pinterest @stephgas.  same for instagram) and pins a lot of slow cooker meals, i've started compiling a bucket of new slow cooker recipes for awesome husband and i to enjoy (since i'm plugging everyone's fucking twitter and pinterest, you can find awesome husband @_antgas on both twitter and instagram). 

i tried a sesame chicken the other day which turned out less than awesome (leftovers were tossed.  that kind of 'less than awesome').  but i found a lot of great blogs with photos and recipes of slow cooker meals.

while reading them, i realized something: both of my crocks are timer-free.  i have a 4 quart and a 6 quart, one for meat and one for veg.  it turns out i cook vegetarian crock pot meals for my brother about once a year, so a separate one is not necessary.  ONCE i made chili for the family, and one crock was meat, one crock was faux meat.  ONCE.  in an entire year.

so i'm donating my gently used 4 quart (hanging onto the 6 quart in case i need to make 'fill in the blank' for a crowd) and purchased a shiny new cuisinart 3.5 quart slow cooker with a timer function.  i set the timer for however many hours, set it to high, low, or simmer, and walk away.  after the time is up, it automatically switches to the warm setting for up to eight hours. 

last week with my sesame chicken debacle, i set it for 6.5 hours, went to work, came home 8 hours later and it was perfect - cooked through and still hot (it was the sauce that ruined the meal, not the cooking).

today i'm trying another recipe - orange beef.  i've never even ordered orange beef from a chinese restaurant, so we'll see how this goes.  credit where credit is due, i snatched this recipe from stephanie o'dea who challenged herself to make something DIFFERENT in her crock EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR.  and she has a fuckton of awesome recipes on her blog, including slow cooker orange beef.

i have to modify each recipe a bit as i go because i'm cooking for 2 (usually get three servings) but like, in this recipe, she uses 1.5 pounds of beef... i'm using 3/4 of a pound.  so i cut everything in half.  i also may end up reducing the time a bit here and there as i get used to how my new crock works.  since it's a bit smaller (she uses a 4 quart for many of her meals) and i'm filling it a bit less, it *should* even out, right?

RIGHT??

anyway.  so last night i sliced up my eye round (on sale at stop & shop, i hate paying full price for meat) and popped it in a reuseable, resealable container (not a tupperware, since that's a brand name and i own, like, two things from tupperware) along with the ingredients called for.

i gently threw it in the fridge and have given it a toss each time i'm in the fridge.  now i'll be dumping it in the crock, along with a bunch of frozen veg.  that's right, fuck fresh.

no, not fuck fresh.  it's just, frozen veg are just as good for you and hold longer and are less expensive when i buy them on sale (yes, i also fucking detest paying full price for frozen vegetables.  there are few things i enjoy paying full price for...).  one medium pepper, sliced, should yield roughly a cup.  and i'm halving this recipe... but i love me some veggies.  so i'm going to add a cup and a half of mixed peppers to my crock.  i'm also going to toss in a scant 1/2 cup of chopped onion too, because i'm too lazy to buy green onions and i love nice, smushy onions cooked in the crock pot.  like stephanie o'dea's daughters, i don't eat bok choy and saw no reason to waste money on something i don't like to eat.  so i left that out too.

then i set my crock for 6 hours (i'm erring on the low side of the time because it's a smaller portion), set it for low, and go to work! 

we'll see how it comes out when i come home tonight...

-------------------------------

so i came home about a quarter after 8.  i opened the crock and found this....

i guess that sheen is a bit of fat from the meat floating on top.  no biggie, right?

it was a bit liquidy, probably because i used frozen vegetables so they release a bit of liquid.  i reheated some brown rice i had left over from the sesame chicken debacle and awesome husband and i sat down to this....

pretty much yum.  the flavor was delicious.  i can see it might be a bit better with fresh veg, but i'm a busy fucking woman.  but it was very good.  i'll just cut back on the liquid next time.

so there you have it.  i'm going to post stuff about my crock adventures as well as the normal other shit.

i got a call back on the job interview i went on last week, which is a great sign.  i can't wait until thursday to see what happens!

have a safe and happy fourth of july everyone!

new shooz?

wasn't new shooz an 80s band?  had a song called 'i can't wait'.  or am i mixing them up with someone else?

anyway.  i got new shoes a couple of weeks ago and VOWED that i would wear them somewhere last friday.  instead of planning ahead and trying to like get a group of people together to go someplace neat i could show off my shoes, i procrastinated and asked my dad to go out to dinner with us last minute.  on thursday he said 'yes'.  on friday he changed his mind and was like 'i got caught up with shit at work so i can't do it tonight.  tomorrow?' and i was sad.

for a minute.  then i put on comfy pants (my brother was home, otherwise i would have been pantsless) and we ordered pizza.  so it ended up being okay.

so saturday night i wrangled my dad into taking us out to dinner at our favorite steakhouse.  we chipped in, obvs, but he had a gift certificate he was willing to share.  i had a margarita and a couple of mojitos and steak and baked clams and it was delicious.  as always.  we took our after dinner drinks outside so dad could smoke a cigar and just chat.  and i looked GOOD.

my new shoes.  it's hard to see, but the hell and the platform are covered in like glitter.

awesome husband sitting outside enjoying his irish coffee

me looking AWESOME. if not a bit top heavy.

then sunday awesome husband and my brother did some yardwork while i did some homework.  we also did some shopping at BJs and purchased our usual HUGE package of string cheese.  i had a pedicure at a salon that was showing star wars - sadly, the pedicure was worth every cent i paid for it - only $14.  i will not be going back there.

of course, i was thrilled to see that they used their autoclave.  one of the last places i went to didn't.  it was the second or third time i was there and i was having my manicure.  and behind my manicurist were the two autoclaves.  i thought it was odd that neither appeared to be on, but one didn't have a light on the front so i figured that one was on and the other was off because... well, maybe they only needed one at a time?  THEN i noticed that NEITHER MACHINE WAS EVEN PLUGGED IN.  and i saw two of the manicurists put their little box of tools in there and take it back out.  like they were PRETENDING to sterilize shit.

so i stopped going there.  anyway, i had my pedi and then i decided i needed to have mojitos.  apparently EVERY liquor store in the area closes at 5pm on sundays.  we finally found one place that drastically overcharged for bacardi but, whatever, i got my mojito on.  i tried to make one with truvia and it wasn't quite the same.  i might try again to see if i mess with the ratios it will be better. 

and now it's time to go to KFC.  awesome husband just decided he needs popcorn chicken and mashed potatoes.  i suppose i can be talked into a biscuit or two.  we're spending our labor day watching 'star wars' and drinking.  good thing we've not started drinking yet so we can drive to KFC.

disappointed.

yes.  i'm disappointed.  ONE of you entered my superfantastic giveaway.

yandie is the only one awesome enough to have donated to that worthy cause - and is the winner of a rule 42, inc custom original.  yandie, congratulations and check here to see a recap of what you can choose from.  and the rest of you can go there and hopefully feel shame for not being as awesome as yandie.

yandie is awesome in many ways.  she's an awesome blogger here.  she's canadian, eh.  and a leo.  so it's obvious that not only is she great, but she's WINNING.

yes, charlie sheen reference.  i'm totes in the loop about that.

so i had a quick four-day vacay to new york for my dad's birthday.  my brother and i took him to our fave steakhouse for dinner.  i had three delicious margaritas and two bailey's on the rocks.  and almost hit two different waiters on three occasions.  we were a table of ten - my brother, sisterfromanothermister, my aunt and uncle, cousin and her boyf, and my twin half sisters.  dad talked me into sharing a porterhouse for two with him, which is a HUGE EFFING STEAK of fury.  it's like a 36 ounce steak or something ridiculous.  deliciously ridiculous.

AND THEN i got molested in the bathroom.  my aunt and i headed to the little girl's room to have a wee since we'd drank way more than we should have.  i had washed my hands and was waiting for her when the door opened into me (my fault, i was totes blocking it).  and i lead with my boobs.  and the woman who walked in shouted 'holy boobs!' and asked me how i did that.  i told her a push up bra.  then she started poking me in the tits.

i love my life sometimes.

i also ate more diner food than should be legal, drank too much, slept too little, spent too much money, and gained three pounds.

like i care.

so.  congrats to yandie, go follow her and her awesomeness.  and be sure that you're following my awesomeness or i might sic hand banana on you.  and remember, rape is almost always NOT funny.  but once in a while, it is.

i thought there was no school on labor day.

my first day of 'class' is tomorrow.  well, i have to post my bio.  so it's not really a 'class' so much as i just have to post something that i've already written.  i just have to log on and post it to both of my class message boards or whatever you want to call them.

does anyone else remember the interwebz back in the early days?  i do.  it must have been like 1994.  i had a friend who was a bit of a nerd.  sorry, but it's true.  and i remember hanging out with him on his computer, using 'old fashioned' message boards and chatting with some guy who claimed to be a chef in texas.  it was this strange string of code-looking crap that he'd type in to get us connected to this mysterious internet.  and then we'd play myst.

and then in 1997, i remember surfing the web at school for pictures of claire danes from 'romeo + juliet' to use as a screen saver on my home computer (we didn't have the internets).  and photos of shirley manson to print out and drool over.

i remember aol.  like, just aol.  before they assigned a number to it.  it came on disks - not cd's.  and getting booted off because there were too many people dialling into the same phone number you were to connect.  and aol chat rooms.  hahahahaha do i remember aol chat rooms.

but my real reason for this trip down memory lane interwebz style is message boards.  threads and moderators and lol'ing and trolls.  an easy way to interact with people who had common ideas or interests as we did, but lived thousands of miles away.  we'd trade jabs about music or politicians, talk about movies or video games.

and now, my class is basically a message board.  i will have shit posted online to read, basically submit my assignments by glorified email, and interact with my professors and classmates on a message board.  this is how i will get my degree.  who knew, when we first popped in that aol disk and waited 40 minutes to dial that aol number and not get a busy signal, that this would even be possible. 

i heart interwebz.

by the way, awesome husband just put on slaughter's 'up all night' on music on demand and told me it was for me.  i was like, i used to love slaughter.  how did you know that?  his answer?  i fucking hate slaughter, so i figured you'd like it.

what the fuck is up with that?!?!?  i liked slaughter when i was, like, 12.  it's not like i was rocking out to that last week.  dick.

in other news, i wore my new zombie stomper shoes out of the house for the first time, to benihana's for lunch.  i not only wore them, but stood and walked in them!  here's a photo of me at benihana's.  you will see my pink hair, the shoes, and this full-body shot will validate my big-girl status.

not only am i wearing them, i am balancing with
the aid of that huge concrete support.

we also had a good lunch.  tomorrow we're waking up early to go shopping.  the cats are getting low on kibble.  i shouldn't spend anything on those ungrateful bitches.  i dropped $300 at the vet yesterday for rabies shots and distemper shots and rectal thermometry.  and all they did was get mad at me.  fuckers.

save the drama for your.... dad.

i swear, i really wanted to have a funny, witty, blog today. or at least, funnier/wittier than the last few.

but today i had some more side effects from my new meds. i guess, just more jittery and unable to focus. i sat at my sewing table for an hour and forty minutes, staring at five different fabrics and trying to figure out how to use them. then, when i finally gave up and put it all away for the day, i was overcome with sleepiness.

so i spent the rest of the day in bed watching harry potter 5 and 6. then awesome husband made me take a shower, and put stouffer's salisbury steaks in the oven for dinner. well, dinner for him and mom. i had a plate of french fries covered in pepper. yum.

so i ingested delicious french fries, messed around online for a bit, and watched some ghost hunters. i thought about posting a blog about being married without children. you know, something kind of cheeky and hopefully funny.

then i saw a status update from my aunt about my dad almost missing a flight from new york to florida. i live in florida. like two hours away from where he's going. and he *forgot* to mention when he was coming to florida. so even though i'm his first born, his only daughter (well... mostly. but that's another post), and willing to drive down the coast to see him for an afternoon, he neglected to tell me he was coming to florida now and set up a day to meet.

even though i only see him three or four times a year, tops. so i'm kind of bummed out now. i shouldn't be. this is par for the course for my dad. it's also the fourth or fifth time he's done this. he comes to florida once or twice a year to visit a friend about two hours from where i live, and never sets up a date or time to meet up. it kind of makes me feel rejected, even though it should not. my parents split when i was 6, which is twenty four years ago.

twenty. four. years.

so i've had quite some time to get used to my dad's flakiness. he was late to my girl scout moving up ceremony. he was late to my brother's first play. he was late to every play or concert i was involved in. he didn't show up to the art show i was in. he was late to my graduation. he was late to my brother's graduation. he misses planes, or gets there 3 minutes before take off. he is habitually late for reservations - we have a restaurant we frequent in new york where they are shocked if he is less than 30 minutes late. he showed up on time once, and everyone was speechless.

i'm convinced the only reason he wasn't late to my wedding was because we made my mom go with him.

i should be used to it. and i'm thirty - an adult. even if i'm batshit crazy, i'm still a grown up. i'm not a child. but when it comes to our parents, i think we always will be children.

and on the seventh day, i sewed again

so it seems my new thing is taking wednesdays off from 'normal work' and doing 'fun work' all day, like sewing. since i'd like sewing and selling the things i sew to be my 'real' job at some point in time, it makes sense to devote some time every week to designing and creating new stuff.

of course, that means i now have a bunch of completed bags sitting in plastic, waiting for someone to buy them. and a fuckload of material that i can't WAIT to make into things. and i will. soon. i hope.

anyway, i slept late today and decided to make a cheesy delicious omelet when i finally did drag my ass out of bed. and then i got down to sewing. that went on for a couple of hours, while i listened to all my new found glory albums and drank a liter of diet crack... ergh, coke. then i was off to the farmer's market at cagan crossings, the apartment complex i used to live at.

well. 'farmer's market' is a very, very generous term. there were maybe six stalls set up, and only two of them were selling any fruits or veg. there was a soy candle booth (good idea, setting up your candle booth OUTSIDE in FLORIDA in JULY), a shave ice booth (which means all i could think about for hours was the sealab 2021 episode where marcos comes back and tells his story about selling shave ice), something about jams and preserves, someone who made something that had to do with shells? and i think that was it. i don't remember if there was another stall. oh, wait. glass things. like glass tiles and bead things and whatnot. ah hah.

and there weren't even any red peppers to be had. damn it.

but i did get four HUGE tomatoes, two green peppers, and a beautiful eggplant for $5. i really wanted red peppers since we're all so into roasted red peppers recently, but i'll live. so i decided with my new found veg that i should make a new recipe tonight. i went to allrecipes.com, which is my go-to recipe site, and entered 'chicken', 'tomatoes', and 'green bell peppers' into their ingredient search.

and a bunch of fucking ridiculousness came up. stuffed peppers. arroz con pollo. mexican rice.. really? chili soup (wtf?). and finally, chicken cacciatore. which i've never made, but had everything on hand to complete for dinner. and ended up rocking. i changed the recipe, mais ouis, because that is how i roll. it is. seriously, that is just how i roll.

everyone was pleased. i have now added it to my rotation of delicious food i can make and make well, that i will serve regularly.

or, as regularly as the ingredients go on sale. i do not appreciate paying $5 a pound for fucking chicken breasts.

and then, we were going to put the veg in the car, when we noticed the recently opened jewish deli. like kosher. glatt kosher. so we decided to stop in.

i don't appreciate paying $18 a pound for pastrami, but we did pick up some very delicious black and white cookies, and a potato knish that i really can't wait to eat. they had some beautiful meat in there, make matzo ball soup daily, and apparently supply kosher meals to one of our local dinner show, arabian nights. which seems to be like medieval times, but with... arabian times? there's a pirate one too.

you have no idea what it's like where we live.

the moral of this blog? someone tell me when red peppers are in season.

como hacer empanadas, perra

okay. i'm doing the empanada post. be forewarned - i have discovered that uploading multiple photos to blogger makes me super angry, so they are all down the middle and the same size and not fancy at all. i feel badly about this, like it's bad show or something, but i really want to share my empanadas and have had a special request :D so here we go.

also, i don't really 'do' recipes so much. i do lots of estimating and shaking and tasting. enjoy!

step one: chop up an onion. chop the hell out of it. like one mediumish onion. then put it in a pan with some olive oil. or butter. maybe half and half. like a total of 1tbsp. add a pinch of kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper.
saute those bitches until they are getting 'translucent'. which is not really possible, but that's generally the term one would use. they get less white. more pearly. browny bits on the edges. what have you.

step two: dump in some ground beef. 1/2 to 3/4 of a pound should do it. i use ground chuck - 80/20 - because that's how i roll. well, that's what was on sale this week at publix. and honestly, that IS how i roll. brown that shit up. see how it starts swimming in it's own ground beefy fat? drain it. that's nasty. gah - add more kosher salt/black pepper.
now it's been drained and it's nice and cooked. add in some garlic. i recommend at least 2 good sized cloves, chopped fine. i usually use 3 huge ass cloves, or 4 'good sized' cloves of garlic cause i fucking love garlic. yummmmmm.

step three: add a big potato, i usually get one around 3/4 of a pound. cut it into bite sized cubes, about a half an inch. oh, peel it please. i never really peel potatoes unless i'm making empanadas. also, i use basic russet potatoes. yukons would work well too, but i don't know how red or new potatoes would hang.

step forty two: add other shit to the beefy potatoey goodness. like at least 2 cups of water (you want to cover just about everything). if you desire, 4-10 shakes of tabasco sauce (we're on the 10 shakes side in this household. even mom likes it). 1.5-2tbsp of adobo. i love me some adobo seasoning. also add a half of a packet of sazon con azafran. i love my shit with azafran. (ergh... saffron.)

bring it to a boil. it should take just a few minutes, and may thicken up a bit. turn to low and simmer covered for 15-20 minutes. check after 15 to see if the potatoes are cooked through.

see how everything melds together? the potatoes are done now - if you still have a lot of extra liquid, simmer it uncovered for a few more minutes. stir occasionally.
step five... i think: i trust you have already thawed your discos... goya discos. i use the smaller ones, so i get a fuckload of itsy empanadas and can spread the deliciousness further. i also do not FULLY thaw them - i like them to still be super cold when i assemble. you'll want to roll them out a bit with a rolling pin, too - just to thin the discos out a bit. then plop a spoonful in the middle. like, two tablespoons? maybe a bit less? just go with it.

now, you don't want any of the meat & potato mixture to get close to the edges, where you will crimp and seal with a fork. keep it all in the middle or the empanadas will not seal right :/ and you will cry. so will i. also, now is a good time to preheat your oven to 375 degrees F.

step six: fill and fold discos until you have no more discos or filling, which ever comes first. if you have filling left over, eat it with a spoon while the empanadas are cooking.

step seven: melt some butter. like two tablespoonsish? and mix in the remaining half packet of sazon CON AZAFRAN. it will make an orangey buttery.... butter that you will brush on things. i like to use my fancy silicone pastry brush because it makes me feel important.

now, brush it on all your empanadas. the more butter you use, the fattier... ergh, better they will crisp up. now put them in the oven for about 20 minutes (check them after 17 to see if they are browning on the edges yet - that's when you'll want to take them out).

step by step: take them out of the oven and LEAVE THEM ALONE because they are fucking hot as all hell right now. turn off your oven and go like set the table or check for new stuff at http://rule42custom.com/.

final step: put on a plate, shake some tabasco on, and enjoy the fuck out of them. they reheat well too - i pop them in the microwave for about 20 seconds, just to warm them through, then i put them in the toaster until the very edges are a bit bubbly.

so that's mostly my empanada recipe. they're really delicious and not at all authentic. i have also added a diced tomato before and it's nice, but not necessary as far as i'm concerned. i serve them with nothing but tabasco sauce and eat at least two at a time - one is never enough. if you make these and find them as delicious as awesome husband and i do, let me know. if you make these and find them horrible, please don't blame me because i am obviously not any kind of latinish, nor colombian. i mean, potatoes i can do. i'm irish. so you KNOW the potatoes will be divine. at least there is that.

PS- i need to point out that blogger's spell check told me that i should spell AZAFRAN 'saffron'. well played, blogger. well played.