no news is... good news?

things are pretty much status quo here.

work. sleep. eat. puppy. cats.

the cycle starts over and over, just later on monday, tuesday, and wednesday.

i had the intention of going to bed early tonight since i have to be up early tomorrow. probably isn't going to happen.

you should immediately go read the bloggess' new post. jenny is an amazing person and a wonderful person and probably one of the best people in the world.  so, go here.

i still can't figure out where to go to school. i'm still existing in a near-constant state of anxiety. i'm going to shine up my resume and send it out because why not. who knows what will come up, right? i'm not depressed, which is nice, but i'm having some self-worth issues and thinking more than i like about drinking or drugging. i even had a really vivid and horrible drug dream last monday, which kind of ruined the day. however, my blood pressure, blood glucose, and cholesterol are at healthy levels. so, yay me! (don't worry, i'm still fat. just healthy. i know, it's hard to imagine someone being FAT and HEALTHY, isn't it?)

(if you answered 'yes', go fuck yourself.)

so for now, i'm going to feed the cats and try to sleep. well, i will sleep. eventually. and hopefully i'll be blissfully unaware of anxiety and depression and cravings and low self-worth for at least 7 hours or so. that would be nice.

frustration is not motivating PLUS we got a puppy!

i've been really frustrated with life.  but life is really good.

that seems kind of stupid.  but that's how it's been.

i've started a new medication in addition to my life-saving pristiq: vyvanse.  it's an amphetamine.  i was really nervous about taking it but so far i'm not having any weird side effects - i don't even feel like i'm hopped up on amphetamines.  i'm not sure how much 'better' i feel, but i don't feel worse so that's great.

we got a puppy. she's very small and very rambunctious and very annoying.  her name is alice (allie) and they told us she's a chihuahua-mini pinscher mix.  we think they're wrong.

yes, we got her a wicket doll to gnaw on.  may the fourth be with you!

she's teething.  i have a feeling this has something to do with that fact.

alice on one of her many walks

on another.... walk.  taking a roll around in the grass break.

allie is ridiculous.  she wants to 'play' with the cats, and the cats want NOTHING to do with her.  it's not always pretty.  but we're working on it.

i'm very frustrated with work.  i'm so over my schedule - i hate the 12-8:30pm on monday through wednesday.  i want to work days like a typical person.  i want to be able to cook after work; stop at the supermarket and pick up the night's ingredients; meet friends for dinner or coffee.  hell, i want to eat three 'normal' meals a day.  my eating schedule is all fucked up.  and i'm usually tired - i can't get my body used to this schedule.

i mentioned to my boss that i want to switch back to days and she said that something should change within the next couple of months.  that was about a month ago.  i love my job - just not my hours.  my family is a priority to me - and i can't take care of my family the way i'm used to with this schedule.

i did a bit of looking online to see what's out there with my credentials.  and found a posting for a job that is $12K a more than i'm making.  it's with a private company - not a non-profit - but that's a huge pay jump.  HUGE.  it makes me think, and i don't like thinking ;)

good gravy

so awesome husband @_antgas has been sick.  he wouldn't come home early from work yesterday, but took some cold & sinus crap and felt 'better'.  he came home and snuggled down on the couch.  i made french onion soup and grilled roast beef & cheese sandwiches.  we ate, we watched cartoons, @_antgas napped, we went to bed.  he's had a fever - fluctuating between 99º and 102º for at least 30 hours at this point (he felt very feverish while at work).

awesome husband @_antgas stayed home from work today, stretched out on the couch with cats watching wwe network.  he said he felt a bit better after eating some advil.  i made pasta with butter and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese for dinner, figuring it was nice and simple for him (@_antgas ate during the day without issues, but wasn't hungry for anything).

he took two, maybe three bites, and vomited A LOT in the bathroom.  thankfully he made it to the bathroom.

it was surprising, considering he's had this fever for more than a day and ate normally yesterday.  today he had english muffins and berries and a banana and brownie/cookie bars and had no problems.  pasta with butter and BOOM vomit city.

excellent.

if awesome husband @_antgas gets me sick, i'm going to kick him in the nuts.

piglet's going to a new, holistic vet on saturday.  she needs blood work and i want to talk about putting her back on a raw diet.  perhaps homemade raw this time, where i'd cut or grind raw meat here at home, then add a powder supplement that adds all the necessary vitamins (like taurine).  this vet is western trained, so he practices what most people consider 'normal' veterinary medicine alongside holistic stuff like natural supplements and acupuncture.  here's hoping piglet does well on the drive over and with the new vet!

cleaner oatmeal

i don't even like oatmeal.  yuck.

awesome husband @_antgas decided that he wanted something else for breakfast.  oatmeal.  and of course i'm not going to shell out money for the man in the hat's tiny instant envelopes of crap.  have you read the ingredients?

so i got on teh interwebz and started my research.  i ended up finding out how one makes oatmeal (because i didn't know how).  i learned the difference between instant and quick cook and steel cut omfg i hate oatmeal.

awesome husband requested cinnamon raisin (holy shit i hate raisins too.  what goes on?).  i trekked to to the store to get the necessary ingredients (for this AND a cold salad that he requested.  expect another fucking post on that.  i promise, i don't intend for this to be a recipe/craft blog.  i just keep doing things.  no photos on this one.  because i'm not making the oatmeal.  because it's disgusting.  (no, really, i'm sure this tastes delicious if you like oatmeal.)

cleaner eatin' sorta-instant cinnamon raisin oatmeal

• 6 cups of quick cooking oats of your choice (check the ingredients to make sure there isn't any added shit.  the entire 18oz canister is 6 cups)
• 6oz raisins (i just bought a 12oz box and used like half)
• 1/2 cup brown sugar (break it up, put it through a sifter, whatever you need to do)
• 4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp sea salt

i put this all in one big glass bowl and mixed it all up.  i had to touch the raisins and break some of them up because they stuck together.  is that a thing?  hmph.  

then i portioned out 1/2 cup of the oat mixture into a baggie.  it made 15 baggies.  i wrote the instructions on each one.  for 1/2 cup of oatmeal mixture, add 1 cup of water or milk.  microwave for 2 minutes (maybe try 1.5 minutes first?  it might vary depending on your microwave).

conversely, you could boil said milk or water and then mix in the oatmeal.  cook for one minute.

i hope it's good.  i'm told it's good.  so, you know.  enjoy it.

super easy stir fried vegetables

i know, i know.  too many recipe posts.  but i keep making things and dug out my old olympus that i love taking photos with.  so here we go.

i make it really easy by using a bag of frozen vegetables.  i know, right?  i use this birds eye green been stir fry blend to be ultra lazy - it even has some noodles in it.  you could really use any frozen veggie stir fry blend and some noodles.  if you use pasta or noodles that need to be boiled, i'd cook them to al dente and then mix them in at the end.  check the directions on your chosen noodles - some noodles like rice noodles only need to be steeped in hot water, not boiled.  and i guess you could serve this over rice if you prefer.  remember, i'm not a big measurer, but i try.  it's so important to measure when your'e baking because that's all chemical reactions, but i cook by smell and taste usually.

super easy stir fried vegetables

it tastes pretty damn good, and even better because it's so simple to make.  i assemble all my spices and what not first, and then get to cooking.  i serve the entire bag for awesome husband @_antgas and me.  it's a decent sized, not too heavy dinner. 

• coconut or olive oil (like a tablespoon)
• 16oz bag of frozen veggie stir fry blend (or approximately 16oz of your chosen frozen veggies.  think carrots, broccoli, peppers, onions, asparagus, water chestnuts)
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup vegetable stock
• 4 tsp low sodium soy sauce
• 1 tbsp hoisin sauce
• 1 tsp rice vinegar
• 1/4-1/2 tsp dried red pepper flakes
• grated fresh ginger (like, 1/8tsp?)
• sesame oil and sesame seeds for finishing

a bunch of the ingredients are really for the sauce.  i use better than bouillon organic veggie base.  i take my pyrex measuring cup and heat up 1/4c water in the microwave, then add 1/3tsp of the veggie base to combine.  then i can use that measuring cup for all the liquid stuff.

1. put the coconut or olive oil in your pan over medium heat.
2. add in your veggies - i toss them all in at once.  cook over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring occasionally.  since the veggies are frozen, it should take 5 or 6 minutes.  BUT halfway through this, i add in the garlic.  i don't like to add it at the beginning because i'm afraid it will overcook.
3. while your veg are cooking, take your 1/4c of broth in a small bowl (or pyrex measuring cup) and add in the soy sauce, hoisin sauce, rice vinegar, and red pepper flakes.  mix that up.
4. once your vegetables are cooked (i usually want them just not frozen and warm through) add in the liquid.
5. keep simmering - probably medium/medium-low heat - for a couple of minutes.  the liquid should reduce by about half, maybe a little more depending on your preference.
6. grate on some fresh ginger.  or add a bit of dried, powdered stuff.
7. remove from heat and splash about 1/2tsp of sesame oil on top.  mix in and plate.
8. once your veggies are plated, sprinkle some sesame seeds on top - just a bit.  i use both white and black sesame seeds because i love the look of black sesame seeds.

yum.  just enough heat in the sauce coating the crisp veggies.

yummy and pretty darn easy.  the hardest part for me was getting the damn jar of better than bouillon open.  i have a big jar and it's hard for me to open.  luckily awesome husband @_antgas is stronger than i am.  you can play with the sauce recipe too.  don't like ginger?  don't add it.  like it hotter?  add some sweet chili sauce.  want more protein?  marinate cubes of chicken or firm tofu in a mixture of hoisin sauce and brown sugar.  then dredge in flour and fry.  play with it and make it your own.

rheumatoid arthritis

i have a fancy recipe blog all set and ready to post.  photos uploaded, things tagged, deliciousness ready to send your way.

i don't think i've harped on too much about my body aches and pains, but this post from last month should cover some of it.  the doctor initially said it wasn't RA because of the knuckle involvement.  when we got the results of the first round of bloodwork, my inflammation levels were higher than normal and i had a vitamin d deficiency, which *could* cause some joint pain.  she decided to put me on prednisone and ordered another blood test called vectra da which tests for specific protein markers for rheumatoid arthritis.

the prednisone helped, while it was over 5mg a day.  once i dropped it down as directed, everything came back in full force.  i didn't even realize how much it had been helping until then.  i went back today for an ultrasound 'event'.  they have an RA specialist from the midwest out teaching the rheumy doctors in the practice how to use ultrasound to help diagnose special cases.  my doctor called me because she thought i'd be a good candidate.  i know now that she thought i'd be a good candidate because she wasn't 100% sure where to go with me.  my vectra da score came back at 51 - which is high and shows a lot of disease activity.  my rheumatoid factor is negative, but that can happen early in the disease.  once she did the ultrasounds, she's 100% sure i do have RA and wants to speak with me tomorrow about starting on medication.

rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disease.  basically, it seems that my immune system has identified  my synovium - the membrane that lines my joints and helps protect them - as something to destroy.  which means my own immune system is trying to kill my joints.  after time, the joints wear down and become deformed, which is stupid.  so now they're going to try to put me on a DMARD - something that suppresses my immune system.

so my own immune system won't attack my joints, but it will leave me susceptible to other things.  like, you know, the flu.  colds.  illnesses.  viruses.  etc.  damn it.

i'm a little pissed.  i'm sad and scared too, but mostly kind of angry at my own body for betraying me like this.  which is stupid.  but not that stupid.  because it's like HEY BODY WHAT IS THE BIG IDEA OF FUCKING ATTACKING ME??? AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO WORK TOGETHER?

at least i know why i've been so achy and ouchy and tired and whatnot.  that counts for something, right?  at least now i know what we can try to do to make it better.  i guess that's all i can do.

bah.  i think i need a nap *yawn*....

do photos count as a post?

i post so many pictures to my instagram, but no one gets to see them.  you can see them regularly by clicking over there <~~~~~~ and following me on instagram.  but i wanted to share my photos with more people, and who knows me better than you guys?  so i decided to write a post with some of the stuff i've done recently.  since i stopped blogging and wasn't dying.

i made philly cheese steaks with portobello mushrooms.  yum.

we juice a lot.  this is what i shove in the juicer on a regular basis.

we went to the cemetery to visit my uncle and grandparents.  this was a neat looking stone marker.

 this is awesome husband @_antgas standing on what was left of a huge old tree after superstorm sandy

samantha cat likes to help me with my hair and makeup

awesome husband @_antgas and i had a weekend 'away' a few towns over.  this is after dinner at our fave steakhouse.

these are rhode island red hens pecking at me when we visited a farm out east

there was not a child in this stroller.  but it made me think that the hens like ate the kid or something.  it looked eerie to me.

 i has a hen!

i also have video of this rooster crowing.  they are way louder than i thought they'd be, and they crow at all hours.  not just in the morning.  we went to a chicken lecture and i learned many, many chicken-related things.  and i also learned that awesome husband @_antgas won't let me raise chickens. 

business cat jake.  i have a plan to make him a whole range of handsome ties, but we'll see.

@_antgas and i were on our way somewhere and i was singing along to the rocky horror picture show soundtrack.  and took a photo because why not.

i used diptic to put this together for mother's day.  it was my third mother's day without mom. 

i was feeling pretty hot that day.  then @_antgas made some stupid comment that made me feel bad.  but it still looked good.

memorial day 2013

i found this in my mom's things.  she was in the fife & drum corps .

another thing from mom's fife & drum days

 i found this at home goods.  seriously, how could i not have this?

my beautiful piglet cat.  she has her own vine account.  which has like one video.  but okay.

hmmm... hello.

hello.  hi there.  how have you been?

me?  okay, i guess.  eating 1400 calories a day, plus half of my exercise calories back.  and not losing ANY FUCKING WEIGHT.

i've been busting my hump in the gym, either on the treadmill or the bicycle, and weight training, six days a week.  and i haven't lost ANY FUCKING INCHES.

so basically, i'm eating so carefully and working out and doing all the things i'm supposed to do, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING.

okay, i lost 2.4 pounds.  in almost THREE WEEKS.  that's ridiculous.  i mean, seriously, i should have lost more than that in water weight alone. 

oh, and speaking of water.  FIFTY SOMETHING OUNCES A DAY?!  i fucking hate water.  it's horrible.  i hate drinking it.  and yet, here i am, drinking between 50-60 ounces a day, every day.  and then i can switch to my diet crack coke. 

i mean, at least i'm eating better.  right? 

i'm trying to get in touch with a registered dietician that my doctor recommended.  that way i can be sure i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing.  because some things i see say to eat my 1400 calories and work out all i want - but then if i burn 1000 calories, i've only really 'eaten' 400... so won't my body go into starvation mode?  i mean, 1400 calories is already a deficit, right?

i think so.  most things i can find online say that my basal metabolic rate should be between 1900-2300 calories a day.  that's how many calories i need to, like, live.  like, breathing and brain function and shit like that.  so 1400 calories a day is already a deficit. 

sooooo... i should already be losing weight.  right?

RIGHT??

anyway.  so i've not been blogging because i've been busy not making money as a body piercer and struggling over choosing where to go to school.

other than that.  times are good. 

hi!

i'm working on being more positive.  it's hard work, yo.  hard work.


you know what helps?  family, cats, and baseball.

jake napping on our couch

awesome husband and me on my bro's b-day

jake looking out our front window

meeeee at my in-laws

samantha on one of our cat trees

brother and sisterfromanothermister on father's day.

awesome husband and i at the melting pot for deliciousness

jake stretched out on our bed, imitating longcat

piglet hiding in one of the many boxes we've had around the house.

taylor showing you how he will take over the damn world

samantha playing

jake sitting in a box full of packing paper, tearing it bit by bit.

awesome husband and me at citi field

yay! let's go mets!

1986 world series trophy.  first time i've ever seen one!

at the game

PLAY BALL!

 

 

AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.