bitches be crazy.
that's one of my favorite things to say. bitches be crazy... and we are. but sometimes i'm just not sure what women are thinking.
my first example is this anthony weiner thing. for those of you not in the political loop, google it. or click here. his wife, huma abedin, has stood by him since his first.... indiscretion. but she's still standing beside him. and it's started some kind of ridiculous discussion in the media and public: is it cute that she's standing by her man, or is it sending a bad message that she's letting herself be treated like this and putting up with it? just today, i heard one idea that abedin is only staying with him because it furthers her own political career (she was a top advisor to hillary clinton). so she's either adorable and old-fashioned for staying with him, stupid for staying with him, or self-serving by staying with him.
let's all take a deep breath and step back for a second.
the divorce rate in america is roughly 50%. half of all marriages end in divorce. what's up with that? because every time something goes wrong, people get divorced. your husband has an online fling? divorce. he drinks more than you like? divorce. he kisses another woman? divorce. he lies to you about spending money? divorce. he tweets a few risque pictures to other women but doesn't have physical relationships with him? divorce him, you idiot!
marriage is hard work, yo. it's not all bright mornings and shiny appliances and perfection. it's hard and disgusting and terrifying and never, ever perfect. i'm not saying that women should always stay married, and i'm all for leaving an abuser at the first instance of abuse. but marriage takes work - would you spend days writing a paper and then throw it out because one of your sources turned out to be unreliable? NO, you'd work on it.
weiner and abedin also have a child together - that brings another level into it. of course they'd want to work on their marriage for the baby's sake, right?
marriage takes work. i'll use my own marriage and my parent's marriage for some examples. my dad drank a lot. my mom put up with it for a long time and tried to work with it - going to meetings like alanon, trying marriage counselors, etc. dad kept drinking and messing around, mom left - after trying. awesome husband @_antgas did a bit of drinking too. we talked about my concerns, we worked on it together - and we continue to work on it. neither of us currently drink because it brought nothing positive to our lives. we worked on it together.
even non-marriage relationships take work. i was a bad girl when @_antgas and i were dating. there were numerous indiscretions (let's leave it at that for now). we talked about them, we worked through them - and i think we're stronger for it. we've both made mistakes, we've both apologized for things, and we've both worked at our relationship. and as i write this, we've been together for over sixteen years, celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary in a few months.
why can't we let abedin decide what's best for her own marriage?
and onto my next topic: the robin thicke song 'blurred lines'. a lot of people are talking about it being pro-rape because the line 'i know you want it' is something rapists say to their victims.
@_antgas has said 'i know you want it' to me when we're talking about ice cream. it doesn't make me think of rape.
i think it's a sign of our culture that we automatically think this song is like a rape anthem. read the lyrics. yes, he says 'i know you want it'. he also says he feels lucky because she WANTS to hug him. so this hypothetical woman in this song wants to snuggle with robin thicke (can you blame her?). there's another verse: 'okay now he was close, tried to domesticate you/but you're an animal, baby it's in your nature'. so maybe this girl was in a relationship contemplating marriage, but she's not the type to be tied down? maybe her last partner wanted her to be demure and 'traditionally' feminine, but she was all into whips and chains? who knows? but what about the song really says 'hi, i'm going to rape you'??
really? am i missing something?
women are brought up fearing men. we're taught to hold our keys in our hands between our fingers to help us defend ourselves if we're attacked walking across a parking lot. we're taught to look in our backseats before getting in our car and driving away. we're taught to avoid groups of men while walking on a street. we're taught to travel in pairs because we're safer (why do you think so many of us go to the bathroom together? it's just habit). women are groomed to think that men are out to hurt us and rape us and beat us up and treat us like shit.
so of course we'd think a guy singing 'i know you want it' in a sexual way is about to rape us, right? why can't this song just be a sexy, liberating song about a woman who wants to get some? maybe she wants to let her hair down and have robin thicke (or pharrel or TI, whoever) pull it. why does it have to be like she's about to get thrown on the ground and raped?
because we've brought up women to think that's what is going to happen.