Monday, January 30, 2012

adventures in breakfast

i always figured i didn't like oatmeal.  i think i may have tried it when i was younger.  but i know i don't like farina or cream or whateverthehellyou'retryingtofeedme or shit like that.  i clumped oatmeal into the basket.

embarking on a new diet lifestyle is always tricky, but i was trying to find ways to eat things besides cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast every day.  not because i'm tired of cinnamon toast crunch, omfg are you serious? i love that cereal like a fat early-30s girl loves cinnamon toast crunch.

that's the saying, right??

so i picked up a box of quaker oatmeal.  cinnamon sugar oatmeal, obvs.  figured it would be cinnamondelicious.

and i decided to make it this morning.  i poured the little packet of oat thingies into a bowl, added the required 2/3 cup of cold water, bunged the thing in the microwave for 1:30 (packet said 1-2 minutes, way to be specific dick) and waited.

it was a bit soupy.  so i stirred it and put another :30 on the timer.

and it was still a bit soupy.  and BLAZING hot.  i decided to bring it in my office and let it cool off a bit.  as it did, it thickened into all it's cinnamon-oaty glory.  and smelled pretty good, if a little oaty.

then i decided to try it.  and was met with a consistency unlike any i had ever encountered before.  and i did not like it.  so i sent a text to awesome husband....  what follows is our convo.

me: do i have to chew oatmeal?

awesome husband: Um. Maybe.

me: then i don't like them.  swallowing them without chewing is possible but i don't know how fucking long it will take to digest.

me: which may be good.  then i won't have to eat again all day.

awesome husband:  I would guess that you should chew it.

me: then i still dislike oatmeal.

of course, i had already swallowed-without-chewing half of the bowl.  so i probably won't eat for another 6 or 7 hours, right?  does anyone know the answer to this?  do i have to chew oatmeal?  because, if so, cinnamon toast crunch shall remain my breakfast of choice.

11 comments:

  1. I always had an unnatural fear of oatmeal myself until my friend Claudia invited me for breakfast. She makes "real oatmeal" not the packet kind, and loads it up with healthy homemade granola and stuff. Obviously hers you have to chew(because of the nuts and fruit bits), but the packaged stuff I treat like toothless baby food....mash it against my palate and swallow.

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    1. sounds horrifyingly healthy. and kind of horrifying. random nuts and fruit bits? i'm a-scared.

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  2. I luuuuuurve Cinnamon Toast Crunch, in much the same way you do. It's become my 'treat' cereal (I have cheerios or Life for breakfast, and CTC or Nesquik as a treat).

    I still can't do Oatmeal, although I LOVE the smell of the quaker cookies and cream oatmeal.

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    1. cheerios are evil, life is delicious. especially CINNAMON life.

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  3. I wouldnt call it chewing, kind of squishing n swallow lol

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  4. Holy shit, I nearly sprayed coffee outta my nose at "i love that cereal like a fat early-30s girl loves cinnamon toast crunch."

    gawd I luv ya.

    Oatmeal should be chewed like cud.
    And I gaaay-ron-tee you'll be hungry in about 45 minutes. That shit is carbs on carbs on hot woman love.

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    1. is that not a saying yet? if not, WHY NOT??? and i was hungry about an hour later. so oatmeal: fail.

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  5. i like oatmeal, but can definitely understand the consistency aversion - i can't stand grits for that reason! i just stopped by from stephanieC's blog & have been enjoying your posts!!

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    1. now, i had never had grits. we don't do things like that, generally, in new york. at least, not anywhere i've ever eaten. EXCEPT for a fancy-pants restaurant in NYC that i won't give free advertising too (mostly because i'm waiting until enough people read my blog that said restaurant will give me shit for free).

      ahem. anyway. grits and shrimp. and the grits were all cheesy. and delicious. so apparently i like grits. if served with cheese and shrimp, at least.

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  6. Damn. I haven't had oatmeal in YEARS. I used to live off the stuff with the attached jelly packets. Yes. I am newly aware of how disgusting that sounds.

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    1. omg i remember the oatmeal with jelly packets. i had friends who ate the stuff. seriously, i'm so over oatmeal it's barely funny. back to cinnamon toast crunch and granola bars, i suppose. and those oh-so-healthy meal replacement shakes.

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