yeah.... no.

that holistic vet that we went to?  rip off.

that $300 nutrition consultation?  the special, customized diet designed specifically for piglet?

it was ONE RECIPE that was made with a premix called balanceIT.  literally.  it was lamb, sweet potato, fish oil, and balanceIT powder.

$300.

ONE RECIPE.

PREMADE MIX.

it was like i paid $300 for a fucking advertisement.

so we didn't do that.  we made a different raw recipe.  i bought all my own supplements - fish oil, taurine, vitamins, all that crap.  i ground up raw chicken thighs, chicken livers, and small chicken hearts.  which was slightly devastating to me.

and the cats like it.  it's nutritionally balanced, it isn't made with a premix, and it didn't cost $300.

i took piglet for her 4th acupuncture appointment today.  it's $62 a session instead of $172.  and it's less than 10 minutes away with traffic, not 40 minutes away.  i'm hoping to get piglet's blood drawn by another vet within the next week or so to see where we're at.  i've decided that i'm basically going to suck it up and just go to a local vet that's not an idiot and refuse to discuss nutrition.

now, the smell of the raw food is making me sick.  literally.  and i'm very nervous about raw chicken and my stupid immune system.  awesome husband @_antgas and i are considering cooking the food next time.  at least it will still be home cooked and i will have control over what's in it.

in other non-cat news, next week is my last week of interning.  i'll be a full fledged alcohol and substance abuse counselor come june 2nd.  i'm super excited.  i've been decorating my office and buying twelve step books and all types of awesome shit.  very exciting.

i've been very tired recently, not sure if it's my RA or if i'm just beating myself up too much.  or working too hard.  or something.  ugh.

at least my cats are healthy.

insert witty blog title here

i want to write, but i'm not coming up with anything good to title this random blog of crap.  so tough titties.  apparently i'm not going to be witty today.

piglet seems to be doing better.  she's active, and eating, and stepping on me with her pointy feet, and following me around relentlessly until i tell her to stay put and leave me alone.  so, back to normal.  i'm going pet food shopping today to switch up their food again.  i love love love the grain-free ingredient list of what i'm currently feeding, but the calorie count is really low.  i think i can find something close to as good with minimal grains and more calories.  and she's ready to go back on kibble starting today - which is excellent.  because we've been feeding her nighttime snack wet food on our bedroom floor.  and i don't know if it's a cat-eating-on-carpet thing or a new piglet-has-no-canines thing but she's a messy wet food eater now.  very messy.  i'm hoping to put all three cats on wet food breakfast and midday feeding, then kibbles for nighttime snack before bed.

i'm sad that i haven't been cross stitching recently but i've been doing other things.  i've picked up a few books about recovery and psychology and shit, so i've been reading.  one is about healing your inner child.  it's already very powerful and i think it will be useful, not just for me but in my counseling.  i also got a cute little book of daily affirmation things for recovery.  i'll use that in groups i think.  and i finished my positivity jar the other day!

positivity jar for work.  full of POSITIVITY!

i first collected five pages of positive affirmations.  some are for recovery, some are for self-worth and self-love, all are positive and applicable to anyone.  then i formatted them to be roughly the same size, like a largish return address label.  then i cut pretty scrapbook paper to 8.5x12" and reset the margins, then printed the affirmations one page at a time.  i used that cutting pad and a rotary cutter to cut each affirmation, folded each in half, and tossed them in the jar.  i used one of the scrapbook papers to cover the top part of the mason jar so it's pretty.  i'm considering seeing if any of my crafty friends have a cricut and could be commissioned into making a nice vinyl cling to put on the jar.  i plan on keeping this on my desk and when someone is having a particularly shitty day, they can get some positivity.  another idea is to bring it into group and pass it around, having everyone choose one and discuss it.  

i also bought another mason jar that i'm going to paint black on the inside (maybe with some glitter, who knows?) for negative thoughts.  i found a notepad with neon colored pages about 3"x5" that i'm going to have people write negative crap on, fold it up, and put it in that jar.  when i was in high school, we had a woman who ran the bookstore that we called 'mom'.  she was amazing and empathetic and loving and caring.  she truly cared about each of us, everyone in that school.  some of us gravitated toward her and spent a lot of time with her.  one day mom emptied out the bottom drawer of her desk and started having us write stupid shit that we needed to let go on her cube pad of neon paper.  we'd even draw little pictures sometimes.  then we'd fold it up and dump it in that drawer.  once it was in that drawer, that was it - we had to leave it there and let it go.  we went through that drawer when we were graduating high school, and it was ridiculous the types of shit we were going to hold on to.  i'm hoping to recreate that with this jar.  in recovery, we talk about recognizing what we can and cannot control, and letting go of what we can't control.  this is a tangible exercise in that.  i think.  

awesome husband @_antgas and i went to a local organic farm last weekend to meet baby animals.  i was kind of bummed that there were only a few baby animals - chicks and a lamb - but there were also alpaca.  which were neat.  but distracted.

@_antgas and the alpaca.  who was watching other things.

i pet a lamb! it was completely unconcerned with us and had a one track mind for nibbling.

then we stopped at another farm famous for it's pies.  @_antgas got a peach pie and we got some cookies.  i don't like peach pie, but he enjoyed it.  (not all of it, we shared with his parents and grandma.)

and then a couple of weeks ago i broke down and cooked meat.  i mentioned 'pot roast' once to awesome husband @_antgas and he couldn't get it out of his mind apparently.  i bought a huge pot roast, enough for dinner and lunch for him for the entire week.  i made it and it was fucking delicious and i felt horrible touching and cooking meat.  but it was worth it.  i'm still sticking to my roughly 90% vegetarian lifestyle (i don't like labels and i like freedom to eat whatever the fuck i want) but i haven't had my mom's pot roast in a very, very long time.  the gravy wasn't as thick as i'd have liked, but it's been years since i've tried to make gravy so i was pretty pleased with it all around.

um, yum.

and then i picked up a bookcase from craigslist.  it was $15 and it's not real wood but it was $15.  i'm going to prime it and paint it and use it in my office.  i'm thinking of trying to take the back off and wrap it in fabric or line it with scrapbook paper.  or i might paint the insides one color and the outside another.  or something else i find on pinterest that ruins life for me.

so, life has been good.  i'm going to be a paid counselor as of monday.  the cats are doing well.  i'm feeing okay emotionally.  still in a lot of pain rheumatoid disease wise.  the humira doesn't seem to be helping at all.  yet.  it's only been about 3 weeks, so we'll see.  hopefully it starts to work.  and hopefully it works well and i won't have a lot of pain and i'll be comfortable again.

ahh, wednesday.

i'm finally not really that sick any longer.  it's been two weeks since i started feeling ill and i'm still a little snotty and coughing a bit.  i can't fucking wait until it's all cleared up.  it better be soon.  ugh.

my birthday was last week.  and i was sick.  so, you know.  awesome husband @_antgas and i went to benihana (if you have a local location, join their chef's club and you'll get a $30 certificate for your birthday!) and ate A LOT.  then on my birthday we went over our friends' house and had nathan's for dinner.  it was very nice and nostalgic: when we were younger, my mom would pick up nathan's hot dogs and french fries for a special dinner on our birthdays.  she'd also get this lemony cake for dessert.  i don't know how many years we did it, but i remember it being a thing.  the next night we had greek food and ice cream with my bestie for forever.

my dad's birthday is the week before mine, so we've often done joint birthday things.  on sunday, we went to our favorite steak house with dad, my brother, his fiancee sisterfromanothermister, and my twin half sisters.  it was lots of food and lots of fun.  i had a meat-ful weekend.

so much meat.  so much.

i'm not eating meat until saturday again.  @_antgas' mom is having st. patrick's day.  we didn't do anything for st. paddy's day because i won't cook meat and we don't drink... so, kind of pointless.  but for saturday i'm planning on making scratch irish soda bread - one without raisins because i hate raisins - and i might make my family's cole slaw.

i've been off my meds forever, it feels like.  my joints are screaming.  and the fatigue is coming back. it's like just existing in this much pain causes fatigue.  i'm kind of over it.

i'm getting some tattoo work done on thursday, not too much but a bit.  my rheumy said i should stop taking my meds for a week before and a week after if i want to get tattooed.  i've been off for over two weeks, almost three.  but then i have to wait for another week before i can start humira.  which is the next biologic drug we're trying.  enbrel didn't do shit.  i only hope humira does something.

piglet seems to be.... well, piglet.  her tooth is definitely getting worse, but she's still drinking and eating and peeing and pooping.  of course, every cat vomited everywhere last night.  damn it.  we'll bring piglet back in about two weeks to have another round of blood work and see if anything's changed.  i guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it....

fuck this motherfucking snow

seriously.  awesome husband @_antgas and i are home for another snow day.  i'm supposed to intern today and the place is closed.  i'm losing intern hours every time this happens.  i mean, i'll make them up.

but i was kind of excited to go in today.  they're revamping the chemical dependency program where i'm interning to make it more of a day program.  instead of people coming in for an hour and a half group three or four times a week and an individual once a week, they're offering unbillable (free) groups to keep people there all day.  they're structuring the billable (required for treatment) groups and times for individual sessions so that there is some free time in between.  so you show up for group at 9:30am, and your next group isn't until 12:30.  you get out at 10:45... what will you do until then?  most of the people are driven by OUR van, so they have to wait.... why not have free groups that they can attend?

i'll be doing one orientation group a week - going over rules, the stuff they signed, basics of why they shouldn't use tobacco or energy drinks, etc.  and i was offered the choice between a general substance abuse group or opioid group - i chose the opioid.  i think that will be very interested, focusing on opioids.  the heroin and opiate problem on long island is seriously an epidemic.  i'd talk about different opiates at each group maybe, show what they do to your brain, work on education.  since it's not 'billable', i can't make it too treatment-y - it can't really be like full-on counseling.  i'm sure some coping skill stuff will come up, we'll work on relapse cues and prevention, but it won't be primarily a therapeutic group.

i've also picked up cross stitching recently.  i've purchased a couple of patters from subversive cross stitch and a couple of etsy stores.  because they're not my designs, i can't sell them.  so i'm guessing i'll give them to friends - and maybe give away a few here....

it's funny, you'd think (i thought) that cross stitching would be horrible for my hands since they're so swollen and achey.  it's not painful at all, and i don't think it's hurting anything.  my pain levels haven't changed... maybe my hands have gotten a little looser (they're not any stronger, but they feel a little easier to move).

so today will be another day wasted at home.  awesome husband @_antgas will play video games most of the day, i'll tool around online and cross stitch most of the day.  i bought potatoes yesterday for dinner tonight - i'm thinking big, yummy baked potatoes (his is a white potato and i bought sour cream; mine is a sweet potato and i'll cover it in butter and brown sugar) and soup.  maybe i'll whip up a batch of my delicious pretzels and we can watch a disney movie.  we're (i'm) planning our anniversary trip to disney and have had a hankering to watch 'beauty and the beast' for a few days now.  or maybe 'sleeping beauty'.  we'll see.

are you somewhere it keeps fucking snowing?  are you going stir crazy?  are you ready to punch the next weatherperson who uses the phrase 'polar vortex'?  and are you mad at whoever decided to start naming winter storms?  (this one is pax.  PAX i tell you.  i hate that fucking name.)

cookies and pizza. yum.

today is probably one of my worst rheumatoid disease days yet.

i am calling it rd, rheumatoid disease, now.  i think that using the word arthritis gives people the wrong idea.  it's not 'just arthritis'.  

i participated in a twitter chat last weekend (#rheum).  it was kind of nice to see other people have the same questions, concerns, and feelings that i do.  it's always nice to have your feelings validated.

but today i woke up with so much hand pain.  my hips hurt, my head hurts, my ankles and feet hurt.  but OHMYFUCKINGGODS my hands.  my fingers, my wrists, my knuckles.  all of it.  

in happy news, yesterday a tiny person and her mother knocked on my apartment door looking to sell girl scout cookies.  YES PLEASE.  but $4 a box?  when i was a brownie selling cookies for the first time, they were $1.50 a box.  guess i'm older than i thought i was.  two boxes each of thin mints (for awesome husband @_antgas), samosa, and savannah smiles.  i love lemon flavored things.

it snowed a bunch yesterday.  the roads weren't too bad today, and it got warm enough that some of the snow melted.  but yesterday it snowed on top of snow left over from last week's snow storm.  oh, and it's going to snow again overnight tonight.  so when i wake up tomorrow morning, there will be snow from three snow storms piled up all over the place.  amazing.  and it's barely february.  we have months of this shit left.  my birthday is mid-march, and i was born during a blizzard.  i've had to cancel or change birthday plans numerous times because of snow.  fuck.

i wish i had something more useful to say.  i went to my internship today, i remembered to eat, i voided my bladder numerous times.  i'm feeling sleepy and achy and lazy now, and i'm planning on ordering pizza for dinner and crying.

just keep swimming.

last friday i went to this new psychologist.  i like him enough so far.  he can't give me medications, which is annoying because then i have to find another doctor for medication management if that's what i want.  maybe just talking it out with someone will help alleviate some of the issues, then my current medication will be enough again.

after two weeks of working more than i have in the past six months, this week is slow.  it's been nice to have more me time again, just begging out an doing nothing.  i think i do a little too much 'nothing', but whatever.  i'm sitting on my couch, watching the news, typing, and i'm in pain.  so what if i nap and space out a couple of hours a day?

i'm planning our anniversary trip to disney world.  this october will be our tenth wedding anniversary and we're going to disney.  i'm excited - i think we're going to stay at the contemporary if it's not an arm AND a leg.  my parents stayed there on their honeymoon (we stayed at the animal kingdom lodge with a savanna view room.  it was awesome.) and it's on the monorail line right next to magic kingdom.  we've already started looking at different places we want to eat.  you can start booking dining reservation 180 days before your check in - which is this april, so i have a couple of months to decide exactly what we want to do and where.  i also have nine months to start saving money to spend because we're going to need it.  luckily, i can buy disney and universal tickets through AAA at a bit of a discount.  i can buy them ahead of time so i don't have to worry about that when we get there.  i'm really really really excited about it.

even though i'll probably need a wheelchair or electric scooter.  even if my pain levels are lower or gone, the fatigue will be devastating.  if we want to get anything done, i'll need a chair.  and i always hate that.  when you're fat in a chair at disney, people give you looks that clearly say 'look at that fat, lazy bitch who doesn't want to walk the parks'.  it's annoying.  and it makes me sad.  i've used a chair before because i injured my foot in a car accident a few years ago and i have degenerative arthritis.  doing more than one day in the parks was not possible on that foot; when people came to visit, i'd get a chair so we didn't have to baby my foot.  and i hated getting those looks.  but i used to be able to go to universal for a day or disney for a day and not have a chair.

now, we spend an hour at the mall and my ankles feel like they might explode.  not to mention all the teensy joints in my feet, my hips, and my back.  an hour in the mall is really bad.  how am i supposed to spend seven days traveling, going to disney, going to universal without a chair?

i don't know.  it's just one other thing to think about/worry about/whatever.

i'm just trying to stay focused and calm and keep l-i-v-i-n.

honesty is such a lonely word.

i had written this as part of a journal i'm keeping mostly related to my rheumatoid disease diagnosis.  no one on that website knows me in real life, unlike people who read this blog.  it's an easy way for me to write without worrying about what people i care for might think.  and it's turned into a good way to hide.   this entry is day ninety four since my diagnosis.  it seems like so much longer in so many ways; i don't remember what it's like to wake up without pain.  i don't remember what it's like to be able to go to the mall without having trouble walking around.  i don't remember what it's like to just sit still, reading or watching a movie, and not be in pain - even though i'm not moving.

i went to a psychologist for the first time in almost a decade yesterday.  i'm recognizing things in my life and thoughts that i do not like.  i have often glossed over some of my disordered eating, but over the past week i have spent more time thinking about food than i have spent thinking about anything else.  i think back to the days i was counting calories - how obsessive i would become.  save these breakfast calories so i can drink tonight.  save these lunch calories so i can go out to dinner later.  save calories every day this week so i can binge drink this weekend.  i don't drink any more, but neither do i count calories.  it becomes an obsession for me, counting calories in and out.  trying to determine exactly how many calories i've burned today - so i can have a bit more food and stay within my calorie goal.  

my behaviors vacillate back and forth, sometimes similar to an anorexic's behavior, sometimes similar to a bulimic.  i saw an episode of 'my strange addiction' where the girl took so many laxatives - common for some anorexic people.  i started wondering if that would work for me.  i scared myself.  i think i have a problem.

as billy joel wrote, 'honesty is such a lonely word'.  if i'm only honest with myself, how can i get help?

delicious pretzel time recipe!

we had a visit from hercules here on long island.  i still want to know who the hell decided we had to name winter storms? 

it snowed thursday night into friday morning.  awesome husband's job wanted him to come in, but for like five hours.  and it would have taken him two to get there and back.  and he already made his money for the week.  so he stayed home.

he was home A LOT this week.  he was off last weekend.  he worked monday.  he was off tuesday because he made the most hours for the company last week so he won a contest for a paid day off.  he was off wednesday for new year's day.  he worked thursday.  he didn't go in yesterday because of the storm.  and he's off today and tomorrow.  

huh.

which mean i have to entertain him.  well, not so much 'entertain' him, but he hates sitting around watching television and doing nothing (i.e.: what i do all the time when i'm not working or interning).    we ended up playing some video games together and baking.  it was a good day to bake.  what did we make?

AWWW HELL YEAH!

yup.  awesome husband @_antgas and i made pretzel bites.  they were fucking delicious.  we ate all of them.  ALL OF THEM.  i then ate a small salad for dinner because pretzels are not calorie-free, regardless of what i'd like to think.  even if they're not freshly made soft pretzels, i really love pretzels.  they are definitely my go-to snack.

my traditional american family holiday (christmas) gift from my dad made this all possible.  revdadbob came through with a 6 quart kitchen aid stand mixer.  i've been wanting to bake more but my hands hurt too much.  even mixing chocolate chips in cookie mix is very hard for me.  now?  not so much.

thanks, dad!

so we broke that shit out and got to baking.  

delicious fucking pretzel bites*

*you can rename this recipe if necessary.

ingredients:

• 1 1/8 cups of water, heated to appropriate temperature
• 1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast
• 3 cups all purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 quarts water to boil
• 1/4 cup baking soda
• some butter and coarse salt 

be sure to check your yeast for the best temperature to bloom.  baking with yeast can seem daunting but it's not that hard if you follow the directions.  i followed some instructions i found online stating the water should be between 70º and 80º, but my yeast wasn't blooming.  i read the packet and it had a different temperature.  so my yeast took a long time to bloom, and it didn't get as frothy as i would have liked.  the taste was still good.  so, you know.  your mileage may vary.

1.  get your water and get it to the right temperature.  if you're using a metal bowl like me, prewarm it by running hot water in it so the bowl isn't so cold.  if it's cold, it lowers the temperature of the water.  yeast are super particular about crap like that.  i used filtered tap water and a digital food thermometer to get to 78º (which was too freaking cool but whatever.  don't make the same mistakes i do).  

2.  add in the brown sugar.  yeast likes to eat sugar.  this should help the proofing and it also makes the pretzels yummy yummy yummy.

me adding active dry yeast to my warm water

3.  after adding in your active dry yeast, mix it up until you can't really see the yeast granules any longer.  don't use a high speed - just mix.  i think i used like 1 or 2.  i didn't want to hurt the yeast.  i also covered it with a dish cloth and left it for a bit.  your yeast should start to bloom in about 5 minutes.  i like to watch it bloom because i'm a damn nerd.

take this time to marvel at the idea of yeast.  you purchased this little packet or jar in the dairy section and it was just a packet or jar.  you've added it to sugar and warm water and it's coming ALIVE.  yeast is ALIVE.  it is in there EATING THE SUGAR and being awesome.  life.  LIFE, MAN.

4.  i forgot to take some photos.  but after your yeast is all bloomy, dump in the 3 cups of flour.  i used whole wheat organic all purpose flour by king arthur.  they aren't paying me or anything, but i wouldn't mind being paid in flour or other awesome products :D  i have used it for pretzels, dredging, cookies - and we love it.

5.  if you are using a stand mixer, you do not want to mix it faster/higher than 2 with the dough hook.  four minutes should be perfect.  if you're doing this shit by hand, knead for about 8 minutes.

6.  oil a bowl and put the dough ball in it, turning to coat.  cover with a towel and put it somewhere to rise.  i put it in my cold oven - THE OVEN WAS OFF DON'T TURN IT ON.  you can put it anywhere cool and dry and dark.  leave it alone for an hour.

7.  after an hour, separate the dough ball into eight equal pieces.  roll each piece out to about a 20" rope.  you can then either twist it into a pretzel shape or cut it up like i did.

my dough rope may not have been 20 inches.  tough shit.

8.  while you are doing this, do something else i didn't take photos of - boil your water.  you want to boil the 2 quarts of water and stir in 1/4 cup of baking soda.  make sure it's mixed in, and try to use about 2 quarts of water.  too much more and the baking soda won't be able to do it's job.  too little water and you may taste the baking soda.  i don't know what job the baking soda does, i'm sorry.  but let it do it's job.

9.  once you have your pretzels/pretzel bites/pretzel rolls set and your water is boiling, you want to boil each pretzel thing for about 10-15 seconds.  use a slotted spoon to remove them and put them on a plate with paper towels to drain.

10.  grease your cookie sheets.  i used butter; you can use something else but i decided i wanted to make sure we had a nice buttery tasting soft pretzel bite.  

11.  put all your naked, boiled pretzel things on your cookie sheets; sprinkle your coarse salt on top at this time.

12.  put your cookie sheets full of naked pretzel things into a 425º oven.  my bites took about 10-11 minutes; i would recommend watching closely after 8 minutes.  ALSO do not put your sheets on the bottom rack - i have read reviews that this can overcook the bottoms of your pretzels.

salted pretzel bites and a couple of small pretzel rolls in the oven.  yum.

13.  like i said, keep an eye on them after about 8 minutes.  most of mine were a light to medium golden on top, and when i touched them they were soft with a defined 'crust', kind of like a bagel maybe?  it's hard to describe.  poke them.  feel them.  love them.

14.  melt a bit of butter (i melted maybe a tablespoon for all of these pretzel bites).  as soon as your pretzels are out of the oven, brush that melted butter over the tops.  

15.  eat the absolute crap out of those pretzels.

this is a plate full of pretzel bites.  they were delicious.

yum.  YUM.

i did not do anything other than salt and butter.  but i was thinking that you could try so many other things.  like skip the salt, brush with butter after baking, and dust with cinnamon sugar; use garlic salt before baking; make small rolls and stuff them with something.  you could even add stuff to the dough i bet - like chopped jalapenos, and then dip in cheese?  maybe?  i read something like that online.

and i think that's the best part about this recipe - it's a great base to try other things.  wrap the dough around hot dogs or veggie dogs.  make sandwich or burger sized rolls.  do whatever your crazy, pretzel loving heart desires.

and tell me if you liked them.  or share your pretzel ideas.  remember, i'm on pinterest, i'm on tumblr, and you can find me on twitter - @stephgas.  my goal is to have people i don't know share my recipes on pinterest, so please feel free to pin and link back to my blog.

super easy stir fried vegetables

i know, i know.  too many recipe posts.  but i keep making things and dug out my old olympus that i love taking photos with.  so here we go.

i make it really easy by using a bag of frozen vegetables.  i know, right?  i use this birds eye green been stir fry blend to be ultra lazy - it even has some noodles in it.  you could really use any frozen veggie stir fry blend and some noodles.  if you use pasta or noodles that need to be boiled, i'd cook them to al dente and then mix them in at the end.  check the directions on your chosen noodles - some noodles like rice noodles only need to be steeped in hot water, not boiled.  and i guess you could serve this over rice if you prefer.  remember, i'm not a big measurer, but i try.  it's so important to measure when your'e baking because that's all chemical reactions, but i cook by smell and taste usually.

super easy stir fried vegetables

it tastes pretty damn good, and even better because it's so simple to make.  i assemble all my spices and what not first, and then get to cooking.  i serve the entire bag for awesome husband @_antgas and me.  it's a decent sized, not too heavy dinner. 

• coconut or olive oil (like a tablespoon)
• 16oz bag of frozen veggie stir fry blend (or approximately 16oz of your chosen frozen veggies.  think carrots, broccoli, peppers, onions, asparagus, water chestnuts)
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup vegetable stock
• 4 tsp low sodium soy sauce
• 1 tbsp hoisin sauce
• 1 tsp rice vinegar
• 1/4-1/2 tsp dried red pepper flakes
• grated fresh ginger (like, 1/8tsp?)
• sesame oil and sesame seeds for finishing

a bunch of the ingredients are really for the sauce.  i use better than bouillon organic veggie base.  i take my pyrex measuring cup and heat up 1/4c water in the microwave, then add 1/3tsp of the veggie base to combine.  then i can use that measuring cup for all the liquid stuff.

1. put the coconut or olive oil in your pan over medium heat.
2. add in your veggies - i toss them all in at once.  cook over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring occasionally.  since the veggies are frozen, it should take 5 or 6 minutes.  BUT halfway through this, i add in the garlic.  i don't like to add it at the beginning because i'm afraid it will overcook.
3. while your veg are cooking, take your 1/4c of broth in a small bowl (or pyrex measuring cup) and add in the soy sauce, hoisin sauce, rice vinegar, and red pepper flakes.  mix that up.
4. once your vegetables are cooked (i usually want them just not frozen and warm through) add in the liquid.
5. keep simmering - probably medium/medium-low heat - for a couple of minutes.  the liquid should reduce by about half, maybe a little more depending on your preference.
6. grate on some fresh ginger.  or add a bit of dried, powdered stuff.
7. remove from heat and splash about 1/2tsp of sesame oil on top.  mix in and plate.
8. once your veggies are plated, sprinkle some sesame seeds on top - just a bit.  i use both white and black sesame seeds because i love the look of black sesame seeds.

yum.  just enough heat in the sauce coating the crisp veggies.

yummy and pretty darn easy.  the hardest part for me was getting the damn jar of better than bouillon open.  i have a big jar and it's hard for me to open.  luckily awesome husband @_antgas is stronger than i am.  you can play with the sauce recipe too.  don't like ginger?  don't add it.  like it hotter?  add some sweet chili sauce.  want more protein?  marinate cubes of chicken or firm tofu in a mixture of hoisin sauce and brown sugar.  then dredge in flour and fry.  play with it and make it your own.

propoganda!

you may know that i don't like the word diet.  as one of my heros (and i'm not fucking kidding) richard simmons says, the first three letters of the word 'diet' are 'DIE'.  i prefer lifestyle change.  because a fad 'diet' is not sustainable; it's about making lifelong, sustainable changes to your life that will make you healthier.  the word 'diet' describes what foods you consider suitable to eat daily (fruit is part of a healthy diet).  it may refer to what a group of people eat (new yorkers eat a diet rich in pizza) or a recommended type of food (my diabetes means i should be on a low sugar diet).  diet is a noun; it describes WHAT you eat. people 'diet' as a verb; it describes HOW you limit yourself things because you don't think you're worthy to eat them, or you're too fat, or whatever.  think about a religious jew who doesn't eat pork - he's not ON a diet, that's just something that's not IN his diet.

it surprises some people that i love richard simmons.  i remember as a teen doing his 'sweatin' to the oldies' routines and honestly working up a sweat (and i wasn't even fat).  a lot of people my age just think he's a funny, gay, short-short wearing exercise freak.  but he's more than that.  richard simmons was a very in demand actor in italy in the 1960s.  he was in italy studying art and being fat, and was still very much in demand.  one day someone left him a note saying something like fat people die, and i don't want you to die.  that really struck richard and he 'went on a diet' - the wrong way.  he lost a fuckton of weight in a couple of months - over 100 pounds.  in A COUPLE OF MONTHS.  he did it by starving himself, overexercising, and using diet pills - and landed in the hospital.  it inspired richard to research nutrition and a proper diet (noun) and he returned to america, taking a job in a restaurant - witnessing firsthand how out of control portion sizes and poor diet (noun) choices were.

so what did he do?  he helped millions of people lose MILLIONS of pounds...  on the dr oz show in 2010, richard said that over his 35 year career in fitness/health, he estimated that he had helped people lose over 12 million pounds.  i bet it's more.  richard still does his fitness thang at his fitness center in beverly hills (where else?).  he leads motivational classes.  and i think richard simmons is ridiculously motivating.  he's so excited and cuddly.  all he wants to do is make you healthy.  i read a quote from richard once saying he didn't have many friends.  he felt he didn't have a lot to offer one person - he had a lot to offer a lot of people.  he has spread his love and motivation and support around the globe, just trying to make us all a little healthier.

i don't like when people talk bad about richard simmons.

it's his philosophy about diets that i really love.  i might tell people 'i'm on a diet' but only because it's easier for people to understand.  it's hard to say 'i'm in the midst of a lifestyle change'.  it sounds like i'm about to undergo gender reassignment surgery.  (i'm not.)  i'm not ON a diet.  i'm CHANGING my diet.  i'm redesigning a healthier DIET for me and my family (aka awesome husband @_antgas).  and what started that dietary change?  well, aside from the fact that i'm fat, my husband is in the best shape of his life, and that every january i try again?

'fat, sick, and nearly dead'.  that's what started this.  it's a documentary (available on netflix) about this guy who was... well, fat, sick, and nearly dead.  he had a rare autoimmune disorder and was on so many pills.  he decided that he was going to give his body what it needed to heal itself (short story) and he went on a 60 day juice fast - and lost so much weight.  AND was able to stop taking all of his medications.  he basically cured himself.

now a 60 day juice fast sounds ridiculous to me.  i like to chew things.  plus all that produce would just be ridiculously expensive, especially during winter in new york.  but @_antgas and i decided it was an excellent way to get our daily fruit and veg.  on a regular day, if i ate one serving of fruit and two servings of veggies, i was happy.  i don't have time/money/energy/stomach space to eat that much fruit and veg.  so we started juicing about 5 nights a week.  i learned i don't like kale.  i was reminded about how much i love fresh carrot juice.  and we started experimenting with ginger and different types of apples and what we could find in the reduced produce section at stop & shop.

but what really happened is we started watching other diet (noun and verb) documentaries on netflix.  ones like 'killer at large: why obesity is america's greatest threat', 'hungry for change', 'food matters', 'forks over knives', and 'vegucated'.  they're all great docs, but the two that really seemed to resonate with @_antgas and me were 'forks over knives' and 'vegucated'.  'forks over knives' talks about two doctors and a plant based diet.  and how it fixes EVERYTHING.  overgeneralization, i know.  but really, google it and 'the china study' and learn about how the instances of chronic illnesses and cancers skyrockets when meat and dairy are heavy in one's diet.  'vegucated' is about three new yorkers who accept a challenge to live a vegan lifestyle for six weeks with guidance from another vegan.  this movie may use a bit more visual scare tactics (how pigs are slaughtered, for instance) to promote veganism, but it still has some good animal rights information and health info from the three volunteers.

i have seen the PETA videos.  the ones where they hold rabbit's eyes open to test cosmetics in them and you hear the rabbits scream.  i've seen most of the 'meet your meat' video, but while i was in high school.  i remember being terribly saddened by them.... enough to ensure that my cosmetics were not tested on animals (that began my boycott of revlon and gillette) but not enough to stop enjoying the everliving fuck out of a steak.  for some reason, seeing this kind of stuff again at 32 years old and 271 pounds (already lost 14 since the new year), i was devastated.

and watching 'forks over knives' really affected @_antgas.  we're all taught how meat and dairy are good for us - hell, the government includes them in the myplate dietary guidelines (which replaced the pyramid).  our parents used to admonish us to 'drink your milk'.  but you know what?  we're the only mammal that continues drinking milk after infancy.  it's really like breastmilk - mammalian milk is meant to feed the young.  and we drink ANOTHER ANIMAL'S milk.  that's.... i mean, that's kind of strange, right?  a little strange.  like when that creepy uncle picks you up and it's awkward and a little inappropriate.  but the china study (discussed in 'forks over knives') followed the health of chinese people in 65 counties of china that ate a plant-based diet.  as meat and dairy were increased in their diets, the instances of cancers - particularly prostate and colon cancers - SKYROCKETED.  and through all of these movies and some other research, we learned about the carbon footprint of a meat-based diet versus a plant-based diet (you can google meatless mondays and check the UN - yes, united nations - website for basic info on that).

so the last week has seen the gas family undergoing probably the biggest lifestyle change we've ever seen.  there is no longer cow's milk in this house - we are using almond milk for cooking, cereal, and protein shakes.  i used soy milk in my coffee and was unimpressed... i'm going to try coconut milk next.    @_antgas found a soy based protein shake - no animal derived proteins.  i served meat-free meals almost all week.  we had fish (sushi) on wednesday.  @_antgas had chicken on friday and i had chicken sausage yesterday.  we're continuing to juice.

it was funny, my first thought was 'we don't eat THAT much meat'.  out of seven nights a week, i only cooked meat maybe four or five.... and i realized, that's kind of more than i thought.  but then we realized that we were eating meat every single day for lunch - cold cuts.  now i'm making beans and rice for lunch.  and @_antgas is on a bit of a cleaner food kick as well.  he's reading labels and cutting down processed foods.  i looked at the back of my favorite low fat ranch salad dressing (i use it for my carrot snack time) - HOLY FUCK.  i now use hummus for my carrots.  and that special k cereal?  the cookies i like?  ergh.  you can be vegetarian and eat SO SHITTILY - did you know oreos (and teddy grahams) are technically vegan.  i do not support PETA, and i will not link to them in my blog.  but they have an interesting page called 'accidentally vegan' where you can see a bunch of crap that you wouldn't think is vegan.  but if all you eat is morningstar farms veggie burgers, oreos, and soy ice cream - you're not healthy.  you might be vegetarian/vegan, but you're not healthy.

we're striving to be healthy.  we're looking at lower-processed, meat-free and dairy-free food item.  @_antgas is gung ho on cutting out dairy.  i think he's fucking crazy.  i love cheese.  LOVE. IT.  and i finally started eating yogurt like three years ago and i like to mix my chia seeds in it.  and since i started eating it every day, well, let's say my intestines are a lot happier and more regular.

have you TRIED vegan cheese?  don't.  please.  just don't.

so instead of cutting out all dairy FOREVER, we're going to visit some local long island farms this spring and see if we can't find some locally produced, organic egg and cheese options.  until then, we're buying 'cage free' organic eggs and keeping our fingers crossed.  and i'm still buying cheese.  and i'm still going to eat the fuck out of it.

but meat?  not so much.  i think it's amazing that i've only eaten meat twice in the past week - and one time was fish, not even meat-meat.  and i feel pretty damn good.  i just never thought that this would happen.  my brother has been a vegetarian for seven years (i think it's about seven years...) and i remember asking him, don't you think you'll ever want a steak again?  my family LOVES some steak.  and he said he didn't think so.  he can go out to eat with us and watch EVERYONE around him eat a steak, and he's perfectly happy with his pasta primavera.  to be honest, i used to think he was crazy.  no chicken stir fry?  no chinese food boneless pork spare ribs?  NO FUCKING STEAK???!?!?!!

REALLY???!

now?  not so much.  i remember my brother telling me what finally drove him to be vegetarian.  i never thought he was crazy for making the choice; i even told him i understood it.  i did - i am empathetic enough to understand why he chose it.  but now i REALLY understand it.  and while my brother's main reasons for eating a vegetarian diet are animal-rights based, i understand the health benefits as well.

and so we embark on a plant based lifestyle.

and now i'm a college graduate. sort of.

so i finished my first two years at university of phoenix.  i applied for my diploma and should have it within the next few weeks.  i have an associate of arts in psychology.  and i have a 3.92 GPA.  which is pretty fucking sweet.

i've requested my transcripts be sent to my next school, st. joseph's college.  i will be starting there this september.  i'm working towards a bachelor's in community health and human services.  and i'll be able to take the credentialing exam to become an alcohol and substance abuse counselor.  which i'm really excited about.

i didn't get that job.  the job that i used to have, that i was pretty sure i'd get.  yah, didn't get it.  fuck that noise.  so i'm all over the interwebz throwing out applications and resumes like woah.  i've had a couple of call backs and am excited to get out there.  i've found some REALLY NEAT opportunities that i'm so fucking stoked about it's not even funny.

of course, i won't get THOSE jobs.  i'll get, like, the basic customer service job.

but there's a not for profit on long island that works with homeless and low income people who either have or are at risk for HIV/AIDS.  they are looking for a follow-up person.  so the case workers/managers, you know.  work and manage the case.  and the follow-upper goes and checks on the people to make sure they're getting and using the benefits and shit that the mangers/workers got for them.  which is really an amazing sounding job and i really want it.

i've also gotten a call back from a local cable provider (or a company that does their hiring... that better mean they provide their benefits too) and a marketing firm thingy.  they're opening new offices and are looking for customer service reps and markety people and all shit like that.  but i've applied for A LOT of jobs.  like 53 that i have information saved on.

fifty.  three.  jobs.

i mean, i have to get one, right?  and i'm qualified for all of them.  i have years of customer service experience, data entry experience, and reception experience.  i love working with people (even though i really don't LIKE most people) and am good at it.  i'm self-motivating, have good time management skills, and a very professional manner.

so, i have to get one.  right?

RIGHT????

because i need a new job.  one with benefits.  so awesome husband (@_antgas, seriously follow him because he never tweets but often puts up funny pics on instagram) can work fewer hours and lose his benefits and go to school full time.  he really wants to get into school.  nursing school.  that will be fun.  i'm excited for him and i'm excited for me.  i never thought i'd be planning my future, but hey - here we are, planning our future.

i've just been so BUSY.  i planned a graduation party for me and it happened last sunday.  i'd love to tell you i have a fuckload of photos to post, but i don't have any.  seriously, i have like no pictures of this awesome party that i planned and pulled off.  there was food, a big tent, pretty floral centerpieces that i made myself, eight dozen quiche that i made myself, six dozen cupcakes that i made myself.

well, the cupcakes were from boxed mixes.  but i made the frosting myself.

we also had like a gazillion pounds of fruit that @_antgas cut up.  and nine liters of sangria.  and 84 bottles of beer (not on a wall, they were in a cooler).  and a fuckton of bottled water.  and twenty 2-liter bottles of soda.

and we have like two thirds of it all left.  people drank, like, 18 beers.  WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?

but we ate almost all of a 6' hero.  and the majority of the quiche.  so, there's that.

now @_antgas and i have buckets of sangria and beer to finish off.  which will take forever.

especially because @_antgas is having surgery on monday.  nothing big, people, just a little procedure.  he'll be in and out of the hospital in a few hours.  and will be home from work for two fucking weeks.  mostly playing video games.  and i'm hoping he can push a damn vacuum around too.

so.  since i don't have any really exciting shit to share, feel free to look at a bunch of pictures of me and my cats, whom you know and love.  

this is babyjakes blocking my bedroom door.  good job.

i am a self-professed shoe whore.  i love these shoes.  i have walked in the lace-patterned ones, not the black booties yet.  we'll see.

OMFG BABYJAKES.  he's too cute.

samantha cat, lounging

samantha and i, snuggletime on the couch

piggy mama, being adorable as always

me, on my way to my brother's engagement party

me again, at my brother's engagement party

thanks to my coworker.  i wasn't sure it was a trap.  glad i know now.

sammy baby sleeping on her daddy's (@_antgas) pillow

babycat jake after knocking over the cat toy box

my most recent tattoo addition.  bonus points if you can tell me where it's from.

me wearing an apron.  i was making a lot of fucking mini quiche.

my graduation party

sammy baby in her new collar.  there are lady bugs on it.

crockpot crazy

i have a handful of go-to recipes i make in my crock pot.  moroccon beef stew.  chili.  black beans.  occasional soups.  but i've never really ROCKED my crock.

until now.  thanks to @misstattootara, who has a pinning obsession (as do i, find me on pinterest @stephgas.  same for instagram) and pins a lot of slow cooker meals, i've started compiling a bucket of new slow cooker recipes for awesome husband and i to enjoy (since i'm plugging everyone's fucking twitter and pinterest, you can find awesome husband @_antgas on both twitter and instagram). 

i tried a sesame chicken the other day which turned out less than awesome (leftovers were tossed.  that kind of 'less than awesome').  but i found a lot of great blogs with photos and recipes of slow cooker meals.

while reading them, i realized something: both of my crocks are timer-free.  i have a 4 quart and a 6 quart, one for meat and one for veg.  it turns out i cook vegetarian crock pot meals for my brother about once a year, so a separate one is not necessary.  ONCE i made chili for the family, and one crock was meat, one crock was faux meat.  ONCE.  in an entire year.

so i'm donating my gently used 4 quart (hanging onto the 6 quart in case i need to make 'fill in the blank' for a crowd) and purchased a shiny new cuisinart 3.5 quart slow cooker with a timer function.  i set the timer for however many hours, set it to high, low, or simmer, and walk away.  after the time is up, it automatically switches to the warm setting for up to eight hours. 

last week with my sesame chicken debacle, i set it for 6.5 hours, went to work, came home 8 hours later and it was perfect - cooked through and still hot (it was the sauce that ruined the meal, not the cooking).

today i'm trying another recipe - orange beef.  i've never even ordered orange beef from a chinese restaurant, so we'll see how this goes.  credit where credit is due, i snatched this recipe from stephanie o'dea who challenged herself to make something DIFFERENT in her crock EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR.  and she has a fuckton of awesome recipes on her blog, including slow cooker orange beef.

i have to modify each recipe a bit as i go because i'm cooking for 2 (usually get three servings) but like, in this recipe, she uses 1.5 pounds of beef... i'm using 3/4 of a pound.  so i cut everything in half.  i also may end up reducing the time a bit here and there as i get used to how my new crock works.  since it's a bit smaller (she uses a 4 quart for many of her meals) and i'm filling it a bit less, it *should* even out, right?

RIGHT??

anyway.  so last night i sliced up my eye round (on sale at stop & shop, i hate paying full price for meat) and popped it in a reuseable, resealable container (not a tupperware, since that's a brand name and i own, like, two things from tupperware) along with the ingredients called for.

i gently threw it in the fridge and have given it a toss each time i'm in the fridge.  now i'll be dumping it in the crock, along with a bunch of frozen veg.  that's right, fuck fresh.

no, not fuck fresh.  it's just, frozen veg are just as good for you and hold longer and are less expensive when i buy them on sale (yes, i also fucking detest paying full price for frozen vegetables.  there are few things i enjoy paying full price for...).  one medium pepper, sliced, should yield roughly a cup.  and i'm halving this recipe... but i love me some veggies.  so i'm going to add a cup and a half of mixed peppers to my crock.  i'm also going to toss in a scant 1/2 cup of chopped onion too, because i'm too lazy to buy green onions and i love nice, smushy onions cooked in the crock pot.  like stephanie o'dea's daughters, i don't eat bok choy and saw no reason to waste money on something i don't like to eat.  so i left that out too.

then i set my crock for 6 hours (i'm erring on the low side of the time because it's a smaller portion), set it for low, and go to work! 

we'll see how it comes out when i come home tonight...

-------------------------------

so i came home about a quarter after 8.  i opened the crock and found this....

i guess that sheen is a bit of fat from the meat floating on top.  no biggie, right?

it was a bit liquidy, probably because i used frozen vegetables so they release a bit of liquid.  i reheated some brown rice i had left over from the sesame chicken debacle and awesome husband and i sat down to this....

pretty much yum.  the flavor was delicious.  i can see it might be a bit better with fresh veg, but i'm a busy fucking woman.  but it was very good.  i'll just cut back on the liquid next time.

so there you have it.  i'm going to post stuff about my crock adventures as well as the normal other shit.

i got a call back on the job interview i went on last week, which is a great sign.  i can't wait until thursday to see what happens!

have a safe and happy fourth of july everyone!

looks like the winds are changing

i had to take some time off 'dieting' because i sprained my lower back.  it was pretty shitty.  i spent four days in a little nest on my couch, eating muscle relaxers and napping.  it still bothers me in the morning, but i snack on a muscle relaxer and three advil and i'm good for the day.

i went back to the gym yesterday and told my personal trainer (who needs his own nickname, damn it) that my doctor told me to tell him about my back and to take it easy on me.  he joked that nothing was going to keep me from working out! lol he's a pisser, i really like him.  he pushes me A LOT and i feel like i have to prove myself to him.  which doesn't really make sense, but it motivates me.  so i guess it's a good thing.

anyway, he beat the hell out of my quadriceps so i took today off from the gym too.  and i have another personal training session tomorrow morning. 8:30 am.  i like getting it out of the way early.  i still haven't lost more than 5 pounds in the 6 weeks i've been on this lifestyle change, but i did lose weight once i started with the personal trainer.  i also have my heart rate monitor so i know how many calories i'm really burning.  those estimator things online are really not that close.  if you're seriously counting calories and planning on eating back any of your exercise calories, i really recommend a heart rate monitor.

i didn't eat too poorly while i was recuperating and not going to the gym, and i gained about two-thirds of a pound.  so i'm okay with that.  awesome husband started tracking his calories too because he's trying to put on weight (not sure if i mentioned that.  or mentioned how annoying it is).  he's getting very close to his goal weight. 

while i was going through my finances, getting ready to pay the rent last week, i realized i hadn't made any money last month.  i work 40 hours a week and i had made just over $500 with tips in a month.  that's fucking unsustainable.  i started freaking out and talked to awesome husband about it.  and as we talked, i realized something. 

i have the opportunity to help support him. 

all these years, when i've been too crazy to work or too angry to work or too injured to work, he's made the money and supported me.  awesome husband wants to go back to school.  working full time and going to school full time is hard, yo.  i know it and i'm lucky because i go to online only school.  he'd probably be doing all traditional schooling.  and it would be cool, if he had the opportunity, for him to work a little less than full time so he had more time for schoolwork.  and it would be cool if i could pick up the slack money wise.

we all knew piercing wasn't going to be something i did for the rest of my life.  i was hoping it was something i could do part-time while i finished school.  but even doing it full-time isn't really getting me any extra bucks at this point.  not enough to warrant NOT looking for another job.

so i'm back looking for a 'traditional' job.  i'm putting off dying my hair pink again because i might need to go back to natural colors.  and i'm hoping that prospective employers look past my tattooed forearm and hire me anyway.  i mean, most of the jobs i'm looking at are desk jobs where i don't talk to the public, so i think i'll be okay.  and hopefully i can keep piercing nights and/or weekends, at least until i go back to school in the fall.

but i'm strangely excited about looking for a job.  i applied for one with planned parenthood, and one with a local not-for-profit that helps families struggling with chemical dependencies.  hi, that's what i want to be when i grow up.  both are basically entry level (the local not-for-profit was looking for someone with some medical billing experience, but i applied anyway because it's the industry i want to be in.  i hope they still consider me) and would pay 'okay'.  i won't be raking in any dough, per se.  i may be raking in crumbs. 

but i'll be raking in something.  and hopefully that will give awesome husband the opportunity to focus on school.  we'll see what happens.

i don't have excuses

i really don't. i just suck and am busy. sorry for the lack of posting.

but i've started on yet *another* lifestyle change.  i downloaded this app from livestrong.org and it's really useful. and it's got a neat little community feature built into the app that is full of ridiculous people who boost each other up.

so it wants me to eat 1400 calories a day.  which is not a lot but, you know.  i weight a lot. 

have i ever disclosed my weight here before?  it's a touchy subject.  i know i'm fat a big girl.  but i never really want to talk about *how* big i am. 

275 pounds.  and that's not my highest weight.  it's just what i am now.

and i wake up in the morning and my hips hurt.  i thought it was how i was sleeping, so i changed that.  maybe i need to stretch or work out.  so i did that.  my hips still hurt.

and i realized it was probably because i'm fat a big girl.

i always rationalized it away... excused it.

• i stopped using drugs, i can enjoy food.
• i stopped drinking sugary soda and switched to diet, i can enjoy food.
• i quit smoking, i can enjoy food.

299 pounds was the first time i really dieted.  i freaked out - i couldn't weigh 300 pounds.  i did slim fast and lost 53 pounds in about 7 months.  and lost ONE clothing size.

how the fuck is that possible?  i went from like a 24/22 to 22/20.  fuck.

anyway.

i gained 18 back when i quit smoking.  and gained a bit more when my mom died and decided to stop cooking and drink all the time.  and i've sort of tried since then.  joined a gym and worked out a bit.  watched what i eat.

but apparently that just doesn't work for me.  i need to track every damn thing that i put in my mouth or i won't lose weight.  so here we are again. 

tomorrow morning is my first weigh in.  i'm nervous as hell because if i didn't lose anything, i'll be sadpanda.  i've eaten under 1500 calories every day for a week except for saturday because i had a party and i still ate A LOT less than i used to eat at parties like that.

i'm also using supplements.  CLA, thermogenic pills, l-carnitine supplements (i call it l-carnosaur.  obvs).  i take a multivitamin and a biotin pill for healthy skin, hair, and nails.  i use replacement shakes to supplement my calorie intake and fill my stomach the fuck up.  so, we'll see.  we'll see.

i don't have an end game - i just want to lose weight.  although i do have my 15 year high school reunion in six months and a cruise just after that.  so i wouldn't mind being a bit thinner then :)

aside from eating better and exercising, i also have one more challenge: to not buy new clothes until i'm down at least a full size.  we'll see how that goes.

adventures in breakfast

i always figured i didn't like oatmeal.  i think i may have tried it when i was younger.  but i know i don't like farina or cream or whateverthehellyou'retryingtofeedme or shit like that.  i clumped oatmeal into the basket.

embarking on a new diet lifestyle is always tricky, but i was trying to find ways to eat things besides cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast every day.  not because i'm tired of cinnamon toast crunch, omfg are you serious? i love that cereal like a fat early-30s girl loves cinnamon toast crunch.

that's the saying, right??

so i picked up a box of quaker oatmeal.  cinnamon sugar oatmeal, obvs.  figured it would be cinnamondelicious.

and i decided to make it this morning.  i poured the little packet of oat thingies into a bowl, added the required 2/3 cup of cold water, bunged the thing in the microwave for 1:30 (packet said 1-2 minutes, way to be specific dick) and waited.

it was a bit soupy.  so i stirred it and put another :30 on the timer.

and it was still a bit soupy.  and BLAZING hot.  i decided to bring it in my office and let it cool off a bit.  as it did, it thickened into all it's cinnamon-oaty glory.  and smelled pretty good, if a little oaty.

then i decided to try it.  and was met with a consistency unlike any i had ever encountered before.  and i did not like it.  so i sent a text to awesome husband....  what follows is our convo.

me: do i have to chew oatmeal?

awesome husband: Um. Maybe.

me: then i don't like them.  swallowing them without chewing is possible but i don't know how fucking long it will take to digest.

me: which may be good.  then i won't have to eat again all day.

awesome husband:  I would guess that you should chew it.

me: then i still dislike oatmeal.

of course, i had already swallowed-without-chewing half of the bowl.  so i probably won't eat for another 6 or 7 hours, right?  does anyone know the answer to this?  do i have to chew oatmeal?  because, if so, cinnamon toast crunch shall remain my breakfast of choice.

happy fucking holidays.

i'm stuck in new york until tomorrow.  thanks, blizzard of 2010.

we had it all planned out: land thursday night, xmas eve with the family, xmas day running around with the family, and sunday we'd have breakfast and get the fuck home.  since some of us started a new job yesterday.

instead, it fucking snowed LIKE WOAH.  like 20+ inches, 60+ mph winds, blowing snow, ice, the whole nine yards.  and our sunday flight was cancelled.

so i called jetblue to reschedule (at least they were letting us do it for free) and the first flight we can get back to orlando is TOMORROW morning.  so instead of flying out sunday afternoon, we can't fly out until wednesday morning.

fucking. snow.

i mean, it's pretty, whatever.  but my new job started yesterday and i would have liked to be home to start it.  instead, i'm trying to do it on my laptop which isn't really 'work-ready'.  at least they fucked up all my codes to log in so i can kind of blame it on them.

and since it's snowy and icy and the roads are for shit, i can't even spend the extra two days i have here eating delicious new york food or visiting new york friends. 

yes, i mentioned food before friends.  i love you guys, totes.  i promise.  but i also love pizza and greek food.  at least i was able to get some greek food on friday with sisterfromanothermister and awesome husband.

anyway, happy fucking holidays guys.  hope it was better than mine was.  at least i have new year's to look forward to, a night when we drink and play video games and fall asleep by 10:30.