i want to write, but i'm not coming up with anything good to title this random blog of crap. so tough titties. apparently i'm not going to be witty today.
piglet seems to be doing better. she's active, and eating, and stepping on me with her pointy feet, and following me around relentlessly until i tell her to stay put and leave me alone. so, back to normal. i'm going pet food shopping today to switch up their food again. i love love love the grain-free ingredient list of what i'm currently feeding, but the calorie count is really low. i think i can find something close to as good with minimal grains and more calories. and she's ready to go back on kibble starting today - which is excellent. because we've been feeding her nighttime snack wet food on our bedroom floor. and i don't know if it's a cat-eating-on-carpet thing or a new piglet-has-no-canines thing but she's a messy wet food eater now. very messy. i'm hoping to put all three cats on wet food breakfast and midday feeding, then kibbles for nighttime snack before bed.
i'm sad that i haven't been cross stitching recently but i've been doing other things. i've picked up a few books about recovery and psychology and shit, so i've been reading. one is about healing your inner child. it's already very powerful and i think it will be useful, not just for me but in my counseling. i also got a cute little book of daily affirmation things for recovery. i'll use that in groups i think. and i finished my positivity jar the other day!
|positivity jar for work. full of POSITIVITY!|
i also bought another mason jar that i'm going to paint black on the inside (maybe with some glitter, who knows?) for negative thoughts. i found a notepad with neon colored pages about 3"x5" that i'm going to have people write negative crap on, fold it up, and put it in that jar. when i was in high school, we had a woman who ran the bookstore that we called 'mom'. she was amazing and empathetic and loving and caring. she truly cared about each of us, everyone in that school. some of us gravitated toward her and spent a lot of time with her. one day mom emptied out the bottom drawer of her desk and started having us write stupid shit that we needed to let go on her cube pad of neon paper. we'd even draw little pictures sometimes. then we'd fold it up and dump it in that drawer. once it was in that drawer, that was it - we had to leave it there and let it go. we went through that drawer when we were graduating high school, and it was ridiculous the types of shit we were going to hold on to. i'm hoping to recreate that with this jar. in recovery, we talk about recognizing what we can and cannot control, and letting go of what we can't control. this is a tangible exercise in that. i think.
awesome husband @_antgas and i went to a local organic farm last weekend to meet baby animals. i was kind of bummed that there were only a few baby animals - chicks and a lamb - but there were also alpaca. which were neat. but distracted.
|@_antgas and the alpaca. who was watching other things.|
|i pet a lamb! it was completely unconcerned with us and had a one track mind for nibbling.|
and then a couple of weeks ago i broke down and cooked meat. i mentioned 'pot roast' once to awesome husband @_antgas and he couldn't get it out of his mind apparently. i bought a huge pot roast, enough for dinner and lunch for him for the entire week. i made it and it was fucking delicious and i felt horrible touching and cooking meat. but it was worth it. i'm still sticking to my roughly 90% vegetarian lifestyle (i don't like labels and i like freedom to eat whatever the fuck i want) but i haven't had my mom's pot roast in a very, very long time. the gravy wasn't as thick as i'd have liked, but it's been years since i've tried to make gravy so i was pretty pleased with it all around.
so, life has been good. i'm going to be a paid counselor as of monday. the cats are doing well. i'm feeing okay emotionally. still in a lot of pain rheumatoid disease wise. the humira doesn't seem to be helping at all. yet. it's only been about 3 weeks, so we'll see. hopefully it starts to work. and hopefully it works well and i won't have a lot of pain and i'll be comfortable again.