just keep swimming.

last friday i went to this new psychologist.  i like him enough so far.  he can't give me medications, which is annoying because then i have to find another doctor for medication management if that's what i want.  maybe just talking it out with someone will help alleviate some of the issues, then my current medication will be enough again.

after two weeks of working more than i have in the past six months, this week is slow.  it's been nice to have more me time again, just begging out an doing nothing.  i think i do a little too much 'nothing', but whatever.  i'm sitting on my couch, watching the news, typing, and i'm in pain.  so what if i nap and space out a couple of hours a day?

i'm planning our anniversary trip to disney world.  this october will be our tenth wedding anniversary and we're going to disney.  i'm excited - i think we're going to stay at the contemporary if it's not an arm AND a leg.  my parents stayed there on their honeymoon (we stayed at the animal kingdom lodge with a savanna view room.  it was awesome.) and it's on the monorail line right next to magic kingdom.  we've already started looking at different places we want to eat.  you can start booking dining reservation 180 days before your check in - which is this april, so i have a couple of months to decide exactly what we want to do and where.  i also have nine months to start saving money to spend because we're going to need it.  luckily, i can buy disney and universal tickets through AAA at a bit of a discount.  i can buy them ahead of time so i don't have to worry about that when we get there.  i'm really really really excited about it.

even though i'll probably need a wheelchair or electric scooter.  even if my pain levels are lower or gone, the fatigue will be devastating.  if we want to get anything done, i'll need a chair.  and i always hate that.  when you're fat in a chair at disney, people give you looks that clearly say 'look at that fat, lazy bitch who doesn't want to walk the parks'.  it's annoying.  and it makes me sad.  i've used a chair before because i injured my foot in a car accident a few years ago and i have degenerative arthritis.  doing more than one day in the parks was not possible on that foot; when people came to visit, i'd get a chair so we didn't have to baby my foot.  and i hated getting those looks.  but i used to be able to go to universal for a day or disney for a day and not have a chair.

now, we spend an hour at the mall and my ankles feel like they might explode.  not to mention all the teensy joints in my feet, my hips, and my back.  an hour in the mall is really bad.  how am i supposed to spend seven days traveling, going to disney, going to universal without a chair?

i don't know.  it's just one other thing to think about/worry about/whatever.

i'm just trying to stay focused and calm and keep l-i-v-i-n.

i hope this doesn't make you jealous.

my mom has a job interview in new york, which is awesome because we kind of needs jobs in new york before we can like, sell the house and move back there.  so she's taking a bit of a last minute trip to new york from today until wednesday.  she stays with my dad.  they would have JUST celebrated their 34th wedding anniversary yesterday, if they hadn't gotten divorced 24 years ago. 

i love my family.  on one hand, it's like the worst soap opera EVAH.  on the other hand, it's fucking awesome and we all really care about each other and support each other.

so awesome husband and i woke up early to drive mom to the airport, and since we were out we decided we should go to epcot for some more food and wine fun.  which it was - fun.  we love the epcot food and wine festival.

grilled beef skewer with chimichurri sauce and boniato puree, argentina



kielbasa and potato pierogies with caramelized onions and sour cream, poland



awesome husband with my frozen margarita, mexico

flavors of africa - salad, bread, and spreads, south africa

big bumbly bee in germany

bison chili with wild mushrooms, cabernet, and pepper jack cheese, united states

taste of spain - serrano ham, chorizo, manchego cheese, olives, and tomato bread, spain

canadian cheddar cheese soup and moosehead ale, canada

since we're passholders, we'll go back when it's not as fucking busy/hot and hit up a few other countries.  i still need bunratty meade from ireland, more souvlaki and spanakopita from greece, and a few other tidbits that are too delicious for words.

i also have to point out that after we hit the US of A, we walked towards japan to find a shady spot to sit and eat our bison chili.  i found the ONLY wet bench in all of epcot and had to walk around for an hour or so looking like i pissed my pants.

mr. potato head is scarier than you think.

now, please.  don't expect my vacationblogz to be in any particular order.  because THEY ARE NOT.  and may encompass multiple days in one post, but all pertaining to the same storyline.

today's story is about mr. potato head.  you all know and love him.  he became the star of the toy story movie franchise with his lovely wife, mrs. potato head. 

at disney's hollywood studios, there is a ride called toy story midway mania.  it's a really neat 3d ride where you participate in midway-like games.  throwing darts at balloons, breaking plates, you get the idea.  it's AWESOMETASTIC, seriously.  and like all good disney rides, it has a great queue area.  it's like being in a big toy box: candyland on the walls, checkerboards on the ceiling, those cute monkeys from the barrel full of monkeys game all over the place, lincoln logs, and what have you.  and near the front of this room, a large audio animatronic of mr. potato head.  he's dressed like a county fair guy: straw hat, striped sleeves, mic in hand.

now, his arms move, his mouth moves, and he talks to you.  all 'step right up' and corny disney jokes/puns, of course.  disney audio animatronics are THE BEST there are.  and this one is no different.  his eyes are LCD it appears, and his eyelids move too.  his fingers can move.  in fact, he bitches about us not paying attention to him at one point:

'what do i have to do to get your attention, pull my own ear off?'

yes.  yes, you do.  and that's what he does.  mr. potato head's arm reaches up, grasps his pink ear, and pulls it out of his head.  hahahaha, very funny.  because that's what potato heads do, that's why they're funny.

what isn't supposed to happen happens while we are right up front.  he pulls his own ear out, as normal.

THEN THROWS IT TO THE GROUND.

i cannot make this shit up.  the ear pops out like it's supposed to, and his fingers don't hang on to it correctly.  it flies to the ground with a clatter.  awesome husband, brother, sisterfromanothermister, and myself notice it IMMEDIATELY.  not everyone else does.  children are not crying yet.  and mr. potato head goes on his merry joke-making way.... missing an ear.

i know his eyes are freaking ass bright in this photo, but you can see his ear hole.  empty.  sad, really.

what to do?  we hypothesize that they may cut the line, and make others wait outside the building, then when we are all out of the holding room they'll reattach his ear.  some people are whispering at this point.  we don't hear any crying children yet.  i don't think anyone is particularly calling attention to it.

finally, a cast member comes out and picks up the ear, and takes it backstage.  NOW people notice.  there is some whimpering from children around us.  but that's what potato heads do, honey.  it's okay.

they shut down mr. potato head.  he just sits there, glaring at all of us.  not talking, not moving.  the cast member hovers near the wall to backstage, like she's not sure what to do.  someone must tell her to just go reattach his ear.  the stillness of mr. potato head seems to be creeping some kids out.  whimpering and questions are rampant now.

the cast member strides out, not looking towards any of us, reaches up, and pushes mr. potato head's ear back into place.  we applaud.  crisis averted! thanks, disney!

the real crying starts when they reboot mr. potato head.  his LCD eyelids go through this creepy angled closing phase which looks like it should have been in 'mr. potato head exorcist' or something.  now kids cry.  and i overhear mom ruining the magic by talking about offstage stuff to muggles.  i mean, non-disney castmembers.  shutupmom, don'truinthemagic! she clasps her hand over her mouth and shuts it.  i'm nothing if not loyal to the mouse.  i just wish they paid better.

so we go on toy story mania.  i was in my big girl chair this day (electronic scooter) and they gave us the special cars to ride in.  fun times.  and we continue with our day. 

HOWEVER.  in talking about the incident afterward, sisterfromanothermister admits that as soon as mr. potato head ripped his own ear off, she had visions of him inserting his own fingers into his eyes and gouging them out in a sea of potatoey blood. 

seriously.  no wonder she's dating my brother.  she fits RIGHT IN.

so then, all day long, as well as the next day, my brother mimed gouging his own eyes out repeatedly.  and it precipitated this photo the next night at downtown disney. 

sisterfromanothermister looks horrified and hysterical at the same time.  she's now one of us.

this may also be the first photo of awesome husband you are all seeing. so from left to right, it's brother (gouging mr. potato head's eye out), sisterfromanothermister, and awesome husband. this was taken outside of once upon a toy, the largest disneycentric toy store EVAH and it's a fucking madhouse in there all the time. i think i've been in there once.

we continued drinking a bit, then called mom to come pick us up.  she hadn't been feeling 100% for vacationtime, so we let her rest and didn't force her to party with us.  not that we partied A LOT.  because we're all basically old.  i mean, sisterfromanothermister and my brother aren't 'old'.  actually, i'm not 'old'.  30 is not 'old'.  but we're like, grown up and maturish.  and we had done three days at the parks.  so we were kind of, you know, TIRED.  you can walk 8-13 miles A DAY if you spend full days at the parks.  and we spent lots of time.  wednesday we did 11 hours, thursday we did 10 hours, and friday we did breakfast at chef mickey's and then another 9+ hours at the parks.  busy, busy little bees we were.

and get ready to be innundated with blogs.  i plan on posting a harry potterville blog later today.  MAYBE.  because i'm planning on going back again this saturday morning.  part of me is like, maybe i'll wait until saturday so i can get even MORE photos to put in my blog.  and the other part is like, blog NOW because that way you can record your first impressions.  any suggestions guys?

vacation fun/sad times

it's been like a whole week since i blogged.  this must be some kind of record for me.  since i started blogging, anyway.

my brother and his girlfriend (aka my sister from another mister, and from another mother, because otherwise she'd be related to my brother and that would be horrifying AND illegal) came to visit from last tuesday until yesterday, sunday.  it was a busy time.  remind me to tell you about mr. potato head.  seriously.

the short version is we went to disney.  we went to universal.  my foot got super angry by friday and i rented an electric scooter thing to zoom around hollywood studios and epcot for my anniversary.   yes, friday was my sixth wedding anniversary.  i celebrated by being terrified by mr. potato head and using a scooter to eat/drink my way around epcot with awesome husband, my brother, and my sisterfromanothermister.

we also visited harry potterville (aka 'the wizarding world of harry potter') at universal studios.  it was AWESOME!  omg so awesome.  now, if you've been to universal, you might know there are a lot of thrill rides there.  that require shoulder restraints and fitted seats.

and if you've read my blog like ever, you'll know i'm a big girl.  universal has what they call 'modified seating' in select rows on some of their thrill rides.  meaning the shoulder restraint thingy has extra room for the fatties.  yes, fat seating.  which i actually used.  and enjoyed, since the restraint was able to restrain me without smushing my tits to the point of pain and causing me to be unable to, like, BREATHE.  they have seats you can try out in front of each ride.  in front of everyone.  so everyone there watches you and KNOWS you might be too fat to sit int he regular seats.  i didn't do that.  i just automatically got one of the modified seats on dragon challenge, realized it fit well, and kept using the modified seats.

we decided to do the harry potter ride in hogwarts castle a second time, and brother, sisterfromanothermister, and i used the single rider line.  now, on harry potter, the line is SUPER LONG and winds through the castle.  as you get closer to the boarding area, the line splits up into single riders, grouped riders, and special riders in the middle.  like, if you needed modified seating.  they had a seat to try right there.

i was totally planning on asking for modified seating. 

while on line, they pulled out a big girl to try out the seat and directed her and her companion to the middle, special riders line.  i felt horrible for her.  she was big, though.  like really big.  bigger than me.  glad i don't have to be embarrassed like that.

was i wrong.  they pulled me out of the single riders line and asked me to try the seat.  i didn't even react fast enough to know that i could just say 'i already know i need it' or something.  i had already taken half a tarzipan to deal with the anxiety i felt that day.

i was mortified.  and i've been embarrassed before.  i fell down the bleachers in front of the entire school while accepting an award.  i dropped an entire case of money in the middle of the hub in front of cinderella's castle during wishes on my second day of work.  i know embarrassed.

i have never been more embarrassed in my life.  awesome husband tells me that he doesn't like it when i call myself fat - it's a turn off, it's demeaning, whatever.  as long as i'm healthy (and i am actually fairly physically healthy aside from elevated cholesterol) it's okay.

thursday, i was fat.

did i let it ruin my day?  no i did not.  but it didn't get any easier on friday when my foot gave out.  i needed a wheelchair, and mom rented me a motorized scooter so no one had to push me in the heat.  i spent the day getting strange looks from people.  you might say, 'steph, your hair is pink and your face is full of metal.  that's what they are looking at'.  you'd be wrong.  they're looking at me and thinking, 'omg, look at this lazy ass fat chick.  she can't even walk around the parks, she's so fat and lazy'.  i got the same looks when we first started going to disney and i needed a chair, when my hair was brown and i had no facial piercings.

that is how people think.  when they see someone who is not visibly handicapped in a wheelchair, they wonder why they need it.  if the person is big, they think that they're a fat, lazy slob who can't be bothered to walk around the parks.  and i know it to be true, because i've been told it before. 

i was in a car accident in 2005 and smashed my toe to smithereens.  i have degenerative arthritis in my toe and foot, which will never get better or go away.  we did 11 hours in the parks on wednesday, over 9 hours on thursday, and by friday my foot could not take it.  i don't have a brace or cast, and i just look like a fat chick in a wheelchair.

maybe i need a sign that says 'i have a fucked up foot and need this wheelchair.  what's your excuse for being a dick?'

HOWEVER.  sugar ray played at epcot on friday night and we saw it.  and i got groped by mark mcgrath.  he ran around the crowd, hugging women and high fiving people.  he came up the middle aisle, ran to me in my electric convenience vehicle, and one-arm hugged me.  sadly, my brother and his lax camera skills missed it.  but i have it here (i'm pointing at my head) and that's all that counts.

we also had our first trip of the year to epcot's food and wine festival.  standouts this year are canada (as they always are for the cheddar cheese soup), greece (spanakopita and chicken souvlaki), spain (manchengo cheese and chorizo), and ireland for the bunratty meade.  yum.  YUM.  i. love. meade.  I.  LOVE.  MEADE.  i don't know how to explain to you how much i love meade.  MEADE!

expect more posts this week about my awesome vacation with my awesome family.  and more pity-partying.  and more tarzipan.  and the gays.  and the upcoming launch of a new feature on my blog called duckface à l'orange.  EPIC.  i promish.

FINALLY!  annah over at red means go made THIS BLOG the XXX blog love spreading button blog of the week!  WOOHOO!  i'm on my way to being BONed and obtaining famosity with annah!

cutesy names for serious medications

yes.  that's how i roll.  why call call it 'generic klonopin' or even 'clonazepam', it's proper name and which i likened to cloning marzipan.  because that's what it sounds like in my fucked up head.


well, awesome husband went one step further.  i was referring to it as cloned marzipan this weekend.  he decided to call it tarzipan.  observe:





see?  so now it's totally called tarzipan.  i may even write it on the bottle, because OBVIOUSLY.  awesome husband for the win.


in other news.  we had a garage sale.  it was, indeed, in the garage.  we did not have any twelve sided dice, though.


of course, we wouldn't sell them.  we actually need some twenty sided dice.  we used to have them.  but we don't now.  we lost them somewhere. 


anyway.  we made about $125 selling dumb shit that's been cooped up in this house for a year or two.  and we only sold about half of the stuff.  so now we have to figure out how to get rid of the other shit.  there's this garage sale store down the road (seriously) that sells stuff for charity.  that might be the way to go.  at least it's a write off.


my brother and his girlfriend are coming down from new york tomorrow!  we'll be doing disney and universal for a couple of days.  they're staying until sunday.  so i may or may not post at all from now until then.  i bet i will.  because i'll need some downtime to relax my feet.  there is A LOT of walking involved at the parks.  many people average 8 miles for each full day spent at a disney park.  really, it's tiring.  if you go gangbusters at disney, it's not a vacation - you need a vacation to recover.  we don't usually go crazy - we take our time and have fun.  disney's not going anywhere.  plus we go like all the time.  well, often enough.


so i'll end this pointless post here.  i'm really just procrastinating because i have to finish cleaning the house, and i really don't want to.  just can't get started today.  maybe i'll have another granola bar and take a nap.  then i'll clean.  maybe.