just keep swimming.

last friday i went to this new psychologist.  i like him enough so far.  he can't give me medications, which is annoying because then i have to find another doctor for medication management if that's what i want.  maybe just talking it out with someone will help alleviate some of the issues, then my current medication will be enough again.

after two weeks of working more than i have in the past six months, this week is slow.  it's been nice to have more me time again, just begging out an doing nothing.  i think i do a little too much 'nothing', but whatever.  i'm sitting on my couch, watching the news, typing, and i'm in pain.  so what if i nap and space out a couple of hours a day?

i'm planning our anniversary trip to disney world.  this october will be our tenth wedding anniversary and we're going to disney.  i'm excited - i think we're going to stay at the contemporary if it's not an arm AND a leg.  my parents stayed there on their honeymoon (we stayed at the animal kingdom lodge with a savanna view room.  it was awesome.) and it's on the monorail line right next to magic kingdom.  we've already started looking at different places we want to eat.  you can start booking dining reservation 180 days before your check in - which is this april, so i have a couple of months to decide exactly what we want to do and where.  i also have nine months to start saving money to spend because we're going to need it.  luckily, i can buy disney and universal tickets through AAA at a bit of a discount.  i can buy them ahead of time so i don't have to worry about that when we get there.  i'm really really really excited about it.

even though i'll probably need a wheelchair or electric scooter.  even if my pain levels are lower or gone, the fatigue will be devastating.  if we want to get anything done, i'll need a chair.  and i always hate that.  when you're fat in a chair at disney, people give you looks that clearly say 'look at that fat, lazy bitch who doesn't want to walk the parks'.  it's annoying.  and it makes me sad.  i've used a chair before because i injured my foot in a car accident a few years ago and i have degenerative arthritis.  doing more than one day in the parks was not possible on that foot; when people came to visit, i'd get a chair so we didn't have to baby my foot.  and i hated getting those looks.  but i used to be able to go to universal for a day or disney for a day and not have a chair.

now, we spend an hour at the mall and my ankles feel like they might explode.  not to mention all the teensy joints in my feet, my hips, and my back.  an hour in the mall is really bad.  how am i supposed to spend seven days traveling, going to disney, going to universal without a chair?

i don't know.  it's just one other thing to think about/worry about/whatever.

i'm just trying to stay focused and calm and keep l-i-v-i-n.