what's in a name?

something said on my last blog post made me consider explaining why my blog is named the way it is.  the actual name of my blog is 'it's never too late to save a hopeless case' and the URL is 'justanotherwastedday(dot)whatever'.

both are references to one of my fave bands, less than jake.  one of my favorite songs is 'history of a boring town' from the album hello rockview.  the end of like the first verse is 'she said it's so funny, how life runs out so fast.  it's just another wasted day'.  i was in a strange place when i started this blog.  it was supposed to be fun and funny, an accounting of my life in all its crazy glory.  because i am crazy.  and i was figuring that blogging might give me an outlet, a way to not feel as crazy.  back then i was suffering from obsessive thoughts among other things, along with just always being depressed.

most days felt like wasted days.  wake up, do what i have to do to survive, awesome husband forces me to bathe, eat, sleep.  repeat.  over and over and fucking over again.

yes, there were 'better' days.  trips to disney.  food at epcot.  trips to new york to see family.  hanging with my besties, getting drunk and naked more often than i should admit.  but i wasn't accomplishing anything except another day on the planet.

and the title of the blog: it's never too late to save a hopeless case.  a line from the song 'hopeless case' by less than jake from the album in with the out crowd.  this song is me.  it feels like it was written for me.  i am all of those things, and awesome husband loves me anyway.  here are the lyrics (i don't know what i have to put here to avoid copyright infringement or whatever, but i don't own them and i don't pretend to and OMFGPLEASEDON'TSUEMELESSTHANJAKE)...

i have this feeling inside that i wouldn't like me, if i met me.
seems like a losing fight, if you could see it through my eyes, then you'd believe me.
the truth is that i'm overrated, i can't think straight, i'm formulaic.
the truth is that it's sad to say it, but you can't help me.

you, you don't see me that way, you hear the words that i say,
you just tell me my heart's in the right place,
it's the world that's confused,
and it's never too late to save a hopeless case.

i've always known a ghost like me can disappear in a moment,
i'm my own worst casualty.  anything i touch can be broken.
the truth is that i'm self-destructive, i'm insecure, i'm out of focus.
the truth is that i've had enough, but you still help me.

you, you don't see me that way, you hear the words that i say,
you just tell me my heart's in the right place,
it's the world that's confused,
and it's never too late to save a hopeless case.

you're giving me perspective, it's better than mine.
and i'll still be defective, and you're wasting your time.

and then it repeats a bridge and the chorus because, hello, that's what songs do.  but that song is me.  and awesome husband has always been like that - supportive, loving, willing to hold my hand and tell me it's okay.  he's never stopped trying to help me, never given up on me.  and i am still defective, and sometimes i think he's wasting his time - but he never thinks he is.

i'm at a much different place now, i think.  i'm still crazy as all get out, but i'm more stable.  i'm working outside of the home for the first time in four years - and i like it.  i'm in school.  i'm accomplishing 'things'.  it's not just another wasted day - none of my days are wasted now.  and if they are, it's intentionally because i feel like doing NOTHING.

but i still feel like a hopeless case much of the time.  and i hope that awesome husband always agrees that it's never too late to save a hopeless case.