Friday, November 5, 2010

super free-form random association post

so i'm going to try something new today.  i'm going to work on this post all day long.  i will just open it back up and add new thoughts and concerns as they occur to me.

i spend almost all day in front of my computer, from about 9am to 5ish, sometimes later.  i work and attend school on this computer.  well, actually soon i'll be working on that computer (points about 20 inches to her right) but whatever.  so i'll be here all day, writing and thinking and working on two finals that are due by this sunday.  i'm basically done with both of them, but i'm an editing whore and can't leave well enough alone.


  • have you ever noticed that your friend count on facebook is one less than it was yesterday?  and then do you scroll through all of your friends and try to figure out who left you, and what you did to make them unfriend you?  this drives me nuts.  i was at 130 just a couple of days ago, and today i have 129 and i have NO IDEA who unfriended me and it's driving me batty.
  • does cooler weather make cats fucking nuts?  it's in the high 60s this morning in central florida, and i have all the windows open (i'm also wearing a sweater).  so the house is at 66 degrees according to my thermostat.  piglet and samantha are LOSING THEIR FUCKING MINDS.  they are zooming around, tails all puffed up, hiding behind things and pouncing on each other.  i mean, they play sometimes, but this is crazy.  UPDATE: it's almost two hours later, and they're still doing it.  i'm flabbergasted.
  • it's only 13 days until the new harry potter movie comes out, and i may piss myself at any moment with excitement.  i tear up everfuckingtime i see a trailer because i know who dies in the first 78 pages of the book.  i will need tissues like woah.  also, i will soon embark on my tradition of rereading every harry potter book in order before a new movie comes out.  that's right, i'll complete all 7 books in the next 13 days.  i'm a super fast reader.
  • the facilitator for my general studies class posted a question about what our biggest motivator is.  everyone is like 'my kids' or 'my mentally handicapped sister, who i've had to take care of since our mom was a drug addict' (not kidding on that one) and i haven't answered the question because i can't say 'my cats are the single biggest motivation in obtaining my degree'.  i really cannot say that.  plus, i don't even know that i want to be a teacher.  which is ironic, since i'm going for an associates degree in education.  i really want to do this for me.  people i cared about told me i'd never amount to anything more than a crazy, lying, stealing, addict.  and i believed them for a long time.  i'm doing this for ME.  because i want to prove to myself that i'm none of those things.  and since i'll have the degree, i think i might want to get involved with either the girl scouts or a program for gifted children.  maybe.  but mostly, i want to say i have a degree.
  • now i'm shoveling reheated baked ziti in my face while trying not to reread my paper on the history of body piercing for the billionth time.  i have just asked facebook at large if someone will please proofread for me.  i have to stop obsessing over it, but i can't.  it's my first college level paper and i'm completely terrified by it.
  • i have to load this ubuntu thing on my pc for my new job.  and it wasn't working the way i thought it would.  and it took too long.  and then i tried to start doing my pre-work for the training i start on monday and i can't find a bunch of it online and no one is answering my emails.  damn it.
  • mom leaves for new york again on monday.  and will be back on wednesday.  she has another job interview.  once she gets a job, she'll move to new york and live with my dad, her ex-husband for a few weeks.  hahaha.  then mom and my brother will get an apartment to share for a while, until we sell this house and are ready to move to new york.  which hopefully will happen soon.
i kind of ran out of things to talk about.  so this post was kind of a failure.  all i know is that i forgot to take my medication last night, and it's like extended release, and i started feeling really shitty this afternoon.  sorry. 



  1. okay. let's discuss. You and I? both spend all day in front of a computer. I'm willing to bet it's because we secretly hate interactions with the world outside except if it's with an approved list of people. Like your awesome husband. I could totally be wrong. But I love my computery-driven life. Because the other day I went to the bank and had a panic attack because I couldn't figure out how the doors worked and it turns out they have to buzz you in but I didn't know that so I went out to my car and had a panic attack trying to talk myself into using the drive through. So...I guess there is no point here...except that I LOVE YOUR HONEST BLOG, and I LOVE THIS IDEA, and that whenever I have bloggery posts I'm going to put them somewhere. Because I have them all the time and I tell my mind "Shut up, bitch, I'm writing this important article about Disney Karaoke."

    I guess this is a really roundabout way of saying that I heart you and your zombie shoes. The end.

  2. yeah, as i got older and had multiple car accidents my ptds and anxiety disorders got worse and worse. i basically can't be out in public by myself anymore. once in a while, if i'm having a good week, i like to go like food shopping alone. or fabric shopping. but that's it. i also have a super short list of 'approved' friends, like seriously i'll have panic attacks about having someone i've known for half of my life come over because.. well, i don't know why.

    and thanks :D i need to find reasons to wear my zombie shoes. i just think they're a bit much for disney and food shopping.

  3. *i meant 'ptsd'. i think i have a touch of the dyslexia too. i always transpose words and letters :/

  4. by the way: my facebook friend count just dropped to 128 and i have no idea who the two i lost are :/ DRIVING ME NUTS