it's not that i don't like babies, i just prefer crabs.

now i know that some of my friends may be reading this, and i'm not naming any names.  but if you are pregnant and reading this and may have just announced your pregnancy on facebook today, don't like take this personally.  i mean, no preggers people should take this personally.  i'm all for making babehs.  i like sex as much as the next gal.  seriously.

and i'm totally cool with our decision not to have babehs.  like, in my most calm, lucid, wise moments i know i do not want children.  awesome husband and i have discussed it at length.  i get angry when people ask us why we're waiting, or when we'll start a family.  i get super upset when family members assume i'll change my mind - 'oh, that's what (fill in whatever woman's name here) always said, and now look at her, she has two children!  you guys will change your minds'.

nothing is ever 100% certain - but we don't plan on changing our minds.  we. do. not. want. children.

so why am i super sad, sitting at my computer practically crying because another of my friends from high school announced her pregnancy?  can i tell you that i have 130 friends on facebook (and i actually know almost all of them in person - like 5 or 6 are co-workers or long-time internet buddies).

six of my friends on facebook are currently pregnant.  it seems like a lot, i guess.  and it's not that i'm not super happy for them - it's great that they are having children and are stoked about it.  but... i don't want kids.

right?  i decided i didn't want kids eleven years ago.  for eleven years i've known i don't want my own children.  for eleven years i've watched my sister-in-law and quite a few close friends have teeny babehs, which are super cute and i can buy adorable little things for - and then send them home with their parents.

i do not want children.  i have asked numerous times to have my plumbing removed (not to be gross and cross over that TMI line, but my plumbing is all kinds of fucked up already anyway, and we're not sure that it would even work properly).  awesome husband and i have had quite a few conversations about vasectomies and tubal ligations.  (i have refused to have a tubal because they will stick a needle in my belly button.  i promish, one day there will be a post about my issue with my belly button.  awesome husband is very non-commital about the vasectomy thing.  which makes me think he does want children and will eventually leave me to have them with someone else.  but that's the crazy talking.)

plus, with the amount of drugs that awesome husband and i (but mostly him) ingested between 1992 and 2000, i can't imagine that we'd even have an actual babeh.  i'd probably give birth to a fucking fish with wings or something like that.

is that biological clock that so many women claim to hear ticking that strong?  will my hormones really try to make my brain stop paying attention and make me want to have a babeh?

honestly, i have cats.  and i know, it's not the same as having children.  but samantha just jumped up on my desk, pushed my term paper and a binder to the floor, and settled down on my pile of bills.  she keeps hitting the mouse with her tail, which she is flicking around and there is cat hair everywhere.

why would i need children?

i suppose at 30.6 years old, my biological clock has started to metaphorically tick LIKE THIS.  either i'm getting a tubal soon, or awesome husband will have to suck it up and have a vasectomy.  fun times.  fun times.

although, this does explain why i was so INTENT on getting my hermit crabs last weekend.  the nurturing urge is stepping in and making me want to expand my family.

who's got a 20-gallon aquarium for me?