superfast horrifying post

here in my head where i am full of the AWESOME and shit like that, i imagine that you all are constantly wondering what i am up to.  that you have noticed my absence over the past couple of weeks and have been wringing your hands in worry about my whereabouts.

in reality, you probably figured i'm a lame ass blogger who ran out of shit to say or something like that.

but in actuality, i've been in new york since november 21st.  which was last sunday.  i don't have the time or emotional capacity or energy to write the whole story out now, but believe me you'll probably hear enough about it in the near future.  the short version will have to do.

my mom went to the emergency room with vision loss last saturday night.  within hours they told us it was cancer.  a huge mass in her lung which has metastacized and is also in her brain and other inernal organs.  we were then told it was stage IV cancer.  we are still waiting for the official biopsy results - that's how fast this has all happened.  i am writing this from a hospice facility in huntington, new york where awesome husband and i are with mom, who is resting comfortably.  mom has lost just about all of her vision at this point and is sleeping at least 23.5 hours a day.  she only wakes up once in a while and says something.  when she does 'wake up' she is lucid and knows who i am and can answer some questions.

if you don't know, 'hospice' is a word that is only really used when people are about to die.  we don't have a real timeframe, but this facility only accepts people on a day to day basis.  mom is not expected to survive for more than a few days.  we cannot cure this cancer, only keep her comfortable while we wait for her to pass on.

so i may or may not be blogging for a bit.  i haven't read or commented on anyone else's blogs either.  and i don't know when i will be able to share this story.  now we are only hoping for a quick and peaceful passing for my mom, who deserves to have something easy in this life - even if it is only death.