Sunday, November 28, 2010

superfast horrifying post

here in my head where i am full of the AWESOME and shit like that, i imagine that you all are constantly wondering what i am up to.  that you have noticed my absence over the past couple of weeks and have been wringing your hands in worry about my whereabouts.

in reality, you probably figured i'm a lame ass blogger who ran out of shit to say or something like that.

but in actuality, i've been in new york since november 21st.  which was last sunday.  i don't have the time or emotional capacity or energy to write the whole story out now, but believe me you'll probably hear enough about it in the near future.  the short version will have to do.

my mom went to the emergency room with vision loss last saturday night.  within hours they told us it was cancer.  a huge mass in her lung which has metastacized and is also in her brain and other inernal organs.  we were then told it was stage IV cancer.  we are still waiting for the official biopsy results - that's how fast this has all happened.  i am writing this from a hospice facility in huntington, new york where awesome husband and i are with mom, who is resting comfortably.  mom has lost just about all of her vision at this point and is sleeping at least 23.5 hours a day.  she only wakes up once in a while and says something.  when she does 'wake up' she is lucid and knows who i am and can answer some questions.

if you don't know, 'hospice' is a word that is only really used when people are about to die.  we don't have a real timeframe, but this facility only accepts people on a day to day basis.  mom is not expected to survive for more than a few days.  we cannot cure this cancer, only keep her comfortable while we wait for her to pass on.

so i may or may not be blogging for a bit.  i haven't read or commented on anyone else's blogs either.  and i don't know when i will be able to share this story.  now we are only hoping for a quick and peaceful passing for my mom, who deserves to have something easy in this life - even if it is only death.


  1. Steph :( oh my God :( I'm so so sorry. Good people like you don't deserve this and I truly hope your mom is without pain. I will pray for her and your family.

    Wishing you the best. Your mom is lucky to have a wonderful daughter like you be there for her.

  2. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  3. Steph... I have no words that will mean anything right now, because words can't even begin to express how sorry I am and how horrid this must be for your mother, yourself and your fam in general.

    I was actually wondering where you were. Was pumped to see a new post. But I am just in shock and so wish I could hug you right now.


    Please email me if you need to vent/talk/anything. seriouslyreallyblog[at]gmail[dot]com.

    I'm so sorry. I hope she isn't in pain and that things get better for her.

  4. I am so sorry to hear this awful news. Look after your self in this difficult time. Sending hugs and love.

  5. i'm so sorry to hear about your mum. i hope they are able to make her passing quiet and peaceful at the hospice facility. know that lots of people will be thinking of you during this crummy time. xo

  6. I am so, so sorry. I will hope and pray for peace for all of you. Hugs

  7. Oh my God, darlin. What a shock. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

  8. Oh my. I'm so sorry hun, I'll be thinking of you and I wish for the best.

  9. I don't know that there is anything for me to add that I haven't already shared with you. Just know that I'm holding all of you close in my heart.

  10. I'm so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and your family.