Tuesday, November 16, 2010

i've a shiny turkey

that's right chaps and chapesses, i have received another award.  this comes from semi true torystellar over at can u relate? who OBVIOUSLY agrees with me that i'm superawesome and totes deserving of almost any award.

so i have this shiny turkey to show for my blogging efforts.

shiny happy turkeys holding hands.. um..
 now in addition to displaying this slick bird on my blog, i have to pass it on to 3-5 other deserving bloggers AND share a story involving some combination of “food, intoxication, kitchen, cooking/baking, or holidays”.

hmm.  i'll award it to tiffany at on the verge because i can only HOPE she has an awesome story about cooking.  i'll give one to simple dude here because he's a well-known award hog and i know at the very least he may have something useful to say about drinking and eating mcribs.  and finally i'll share a shiny fucking turkey with kristine who writes wait in the van because if she doesn't deserve a shiny fucking turkey, who does in this crazy, mixed up world?  seriously.

well, i eat a lot.  and i drink *sometimes*.  i'm in the kitchen often, cooking and/or baking (usually cooking) and i celebrate a few holidays.  but all of these things together?  hmmmmmmmmm....

this is harder than i thought.  the times i've gotten specifically slizzard i have prepared food ahead of time or been somewhere that we pay people to cook for us.  i have gotten superhigh and baked cookies before, but they were just those pillsbury cookie dough in a huge fucking pail that you scoop out and drop on a sheet and pop in the oven while you pack and smoke a tight bowl watch television.  i do go through four bottles of beer on st. patty's day, but they go into the corned beef, not my bloodstream.  i have gotten almost shitfaced on meade because that sneaks the fuck up on you, but neither kitchen nor cooking were involved.  and drinking on the holidays is so overrated.  that's what everyone else does.  what do you think i am, some kind of fucking CONFORMIST?  no, but seriously, i usually have to drive places on the holidays.  so no drinking for me.

i have stories about times i was drunk without pants on.  or drunk without a bra on.  or cooking without pants on.  or baking without pants on.  i mean, PANTS i can work with.

i tried to make dinner for my family the second day i took tarzipan and kept doing stupid things.  like not turning on burners.  or practically cutting my fucking finger off.  i'm sure it would be a hysterical story... if i could remember it.

sadly for you, most of my cooking/baking adventures turn out fairly successfully.  i'm usually sober (or mostly sober) on major holidays.  i've gotten drunk enough to sit (pantsless) on my kitchen floor and cry, but i don't think that is the kind of story this award requires.

i have failed you, semi true torystellar.  i've failed your award.  i don't deserve a shiny turkey.  or a matte finish turkey.  or even a shiny cornish game hen.

now all i can think about are cornish pixies from harry potter and the chamber of secrets.  DAMN YOU JK ROWLING.  just a couple of more days until i get my next harry potter fix.  i'm seriously JONESING for tihs damn movie.




to recap: i've failed at accepting this blog award.  i haven't taken a tarzipan yet today.  i can't wait for harry potter and the deathly hallows part one this weekend.  i haven't told any of you how my classes are going - school and work related.  i haven't discussed my personal life or my bullshit or my craziness for days.

have i withdrawn? you bet your sweet asses i have.  i'll work on pulling up my big girl panties and getting some shit done around here. until then, keep your unit on you.


  1. You could never fail me. The award is still yours. I love you, love your pantsless ways and not everyone drinks and cooks. I just happen to really enjoy it. Hell, I just assumed that it wasn't only me, but maybe it is. I'm pretty okay with that too though.

  2. i'm glad you're okay with that!

    ALSO: i just don't drink that much anymore. and when i was drinking, i was drinking A LOT so cooking wasn't an option. and the times when i do drink while cooking, nothing exciting happens. i have exciting stories about cooking while coked up, but somehow i didn't think it would fit. cooking while drunk is funny. cooking while coked up is kind of sad.

  3. Great post about the award, I couldnt come up with a drunken cooking story either so I just made it up as I went along. But I am NOT giving up the award, no way sister, MINE MINE MINE.

  4. "or a matte finish turkey" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    The one time I made cornish game hens they were DAMN good, but I lit a dishtowel on fire. So....there's that.

    Congratulations on your shiny turkey!!

  5. That turkey is too shiny to make me hungry (which is RARE). Congrats on the award, boo. *muah*

    Also, you must bake something for me soon and take a picture! I can't bake to save my life which? Is probably a good thing if not I'd never leave the house. You know me and my cupcake addiction.

  6. Holy crap, I love this award.
    But I think I need to reread because I'm under the impression that I need to get high or something now. My husband will *not* be cool with this one. Wheeee!

  7. @same here mynx :D not giving it up bitches!

    @nicki - i like shiny things, but i didn't want to be matte-ist.

    @annah - i will now bake and photograph. i just made cupcakes last week, too. but we ate them all.

    @kristing - you could write about a time you cooked or were drunk and cooking or were in the kitchen or were drunk in the kitchen or maybe when you were pantsless. i just added that part, but i'm usually pantsless. not now, though.

  8. So basically shiny turkey has made me want a candy apple. Sigh.

    Also, pants free is the way to be. Seriously. I spend half of my work day dreaming about the very second I'm able to rid myself of pants.

    Congrats on the award.

  9. i try to spend most of my time either pants free or at least in comfy yoga pants. but being a 'grown up' seems to consist a lot of wearing pants. sadly.

  10. okay, i can't even deal with the shiny turkey! hahaha WTF?! the picture is so great and retro/a creepy shiny turkey all in one!
    also? it seems like you have a subconscious aversion to pants that comes out when drunk... discuss? :P

  11. in all honesty, i just have an aversion to pants. they are tight and clothesy. i have what we like to call 'claustrophobic thighs.' i am a bit claustrophobic like in 'regular' situations, elevators etc. but my thighs get all aggrivated and claustrophobic if i wear pants for too long.


  12. hahaha! if your thighs are claustrophobic, mine are agoraphobic! they are afraid to leave the house. and by house i mean pants.