Thursday, May 5, 2011

one door opens, another slams shut in my fucking face

okay so good news/bad news sitch.  awesome husband has left me all alone (with four cats and two hermit crabs.... so not terribly alone) and gone to new york to find a house/job.

and what did he do?  he joined a fucking gym.  seriously.  i have two weight benches and a set of those fancy adjustable dumbbells that were like $300 ON SALE and p90x and the over the door thingy to do pull ups.  and he goes to new york and joins a damn gym.

yeah, that's not lasting.  if he's joining a gym, he's selling all that shit.  plus the gym is like a half hour drive from where we are probably going to live.  so it will take him an hour round trip to drive to the place where he'll work out for an hour.

men reading this, i bet you think this makes perfect sense.

women, i don't need to say anything more.

BUT we did find the PERFECT place to live!  it's actually two blocks from where we lived with my mom in new york and across the canal from where my brother lives now (doesn't that sound fancy?)  it's a high ranch so the lower floor has like two bedrooms and a bathroom and a laundry room and the upper levels have living room, dining room, kitchen, three bedrooms, and another bath.

so the lower level is basically a kitchen-less apartment.  perfect for my brother and sisterfromanothermister.  and there's room for an office.

and a workout room.  fucking awesome husband.  not like he's reading this.  DICK.

it's a little more than we were hoping to spend and has oil heat (sobbing) but we can make it work.

IF awesome husband finds a job this morning.  we don't really anticipate a problem because good mechanics are not a dime a dozen.  and awesome husband has had literally THOUSANDS of dollars of chrysler-specific training and chrysler dealers LOVE that shit.

so we're applying with the property management company today.  the realtor that showed the house doesn't think we'll have a problem.  i'm hoping she's right because IT IS PERFECT.

the door closing is the buyers for our house in florida.  the inspection came back and the inspector is like 'there are some loose shingles, a couple of missing shingles, and some puckering shingles on the roof.  so fix it and do some routine maintenance'.  the buyer's agent interpreted that to 'we want you to replace the roof'.  which is so not happening.  we're less than two weeks from closing.  so we are trying to get a roofer in here to see how much the repair/maintenance will cost and we'll offer to do that and see if they are okay with that.

legally, they have to be.  in florida once an offer is accepted the buyer only has like three times to back out of the sale without losing the escrow.  one is inspection, one is appraisal, and the other one i forget but it already passed.  now they SKIPPED the inspection and went right to the appraisal because they thought it would appraise for less than the offer/asking price and wanted us to let them have it for that price.

yeah.  not happening.

but they WAIVED their inspection contingency so they cannot use it as an excuse to back out of the purchase without penalty.

technically, my realtor tells me there are ways they can have their loan denied which would void the purchase without any penalty.  and we are motivated.  so we are going to try and work with it.  but it's just another headache that i didn't want.

so i'm eating lots of tarzipan and playing the sims medieval until awesome husband comes home tomorrow.  at the very least, until i get word that we have that house and awesome husband has a job.

that will make me happy in the pants.


  1. Gawd, I'm scared enough of house-buying without having house-selling on top of that (still renting here). Hopefully the buyers are willing to settle for a repaired rather than a replaced roof - fingers crossed for yas.

    Guys are weird. Sometimes I really don't miss being married, I'd have lost my shit at that one. A gym? I think you should sell the stuff, and buy yourself something pretty with it, just 'cuz.

  2. Haha Tarzipan ;)

  3. @yandie, we're renting in new york. but it's hard to rent when you're a) in florida, b) self-employed, c) married to a man who doesn't have a job lined up in new york yet. so that's why he's up there trying to wrangle a rental.

    @chris - that's where i got it ;) the generic name of my medication is 'clonezepam' and when i said it out loud it reminded me of 'cloning marzipan' and then i was like 'uh - tarzipan'. because of COURSE i can't call it 'clonezepam' or 'generic klonopin' or 'superhappyantianxiety pill'.

  4. Fuck the buyers...fuck them right the ear. I hate people like that. I won't even go into all the shit my bf went through when he bought this place. At least you guys are willing to make the changes...the woman he bought from laughed when she was shown the inspection and when he asked for $1000 off the asking price. It was ridiculous what was wrong with this place. If it wasn't for him getting that tax credit, I don't think he would have bought it. I'll just name one thing wrong: the gas fireplace in the basement is hooked up with rubber hoses. Yeah...that's exactly how I looked when he told me. Assholes.

  5. well good news - just got a call from the realtor that the buyers don't care anymore and just want to get to closing asap :) so we're moving ahead without any roof issues.

  6. Congratulations! :) And yeah, gym situation won't last more than a month or two.

  7. Men.
    Even the smart ones are dumb.
    Wishing you luck on all fronts.

  8. I too have p90x, yoga mats and dumbbells collecting dust (and taking up precious space) in a closet as my husband tells me he'll be joining his not-so-free gym at work.

    I'm glad I'm not alone.

  9. I donate nearly $100 a month to 24hr Fitness. Why? Because I am the generous and giving type apparently. Certainly not because either of us have actually USED our memberships. So why don't I cancel? Well... shit I have no clue. because I'm lazy? Because I'm convinced one day we might go? Nope! .... because I think that my $100 is single-handedly maintaining the entire 24hr fitness empire. yep. I'm that awesome.

  10. what is this magical p90x everyone always speaks of? And look at you being all I sit here frantically looking at places to live.

  11. p90x, as awesome husband describes it, is "like a three month, um, (lint-rollers cat hair off black shorts) training program. you know. i don't know. what are you writing?"

    it gets you in shape. like REALLY in shape. if you're ever up at like 6 in the morning they usually have infomercials on cable. the guy's name is tony horton. he does like a gazillion of these. it's the same company that does beachbody. it's hard. i don't do it. because i like living.