my first week of being a paid counselor!

it was good.  i had four days as a paid counselor and one day as an intern.  i supervised about 8 urine tests (awesome, right?) and lead a few groups.  i did some more decorating in my office.  i have two posi vinyl clings on my walls and moved around my desk and rehabbed that $15 craigslist bookcase for my office.  it came out pretty good and i plan on doing a separate post about that.  with photos.  of course.

awesome husband @_antgas had to travel for work this past week, so it feels like i haven't seen him since last weekend.  he came home on thursday night, we worked on friday, and now today we're thinking of doing some shopping.  it's supposed to be a rainy, icky day for much of the day so we thought being in the mall would be okay.  and maybe we'll spend some time at home just relaxing.  ultimately i have to clean the apartment and do laundry, too, but i have tomorrow as well.

that farm we like to go to is having what they call chick-a-palooza this weekend.  lots of chickens and some vendors and bee keeping talks and stuff like that.  we went last year and are planning on going tomorrow for a couple of hours.

of course, nothing goes as smoothly as we want it to.  up the chain somewhere at work, someone is convinced that i can't do work that we bill medicaid for.  i work for a non-profit where the majority of clients are on medicaid.  like, probably 90% of clients are on medicaid.  so i don't know why someone gave the okay to hire me if i can't do anything billable.  i keep going on all the state websites to find proof from the state that i can do billable work and submitting it to people who should care and they keep not caring.  they're paying me to be an intern at this point.  it's pretty hysterical.

but my supervisor decided to give me two clients yesterday during case conference.  she said that if they still get bitchy about me doing billable work, she'll take them.  but what will probably really happen is that i'll be their 'counselor' and she'll pop in at the end of the sessions so we can bill.  it's just, ugh.  nothing can be easy.

i almost had a breakdown last tuesday because i called my therapist so that i could switch my appointment time from fridays at 10am, since i'll be working, and i was told he had no other availability.  it really threw me because it's hard to find a therapist that i don't hate.  and we've already started working together well; it's been a couple of months.  thankfully one of the other office assistants called me and asked for my availability, juggled some other clients around, and got me tuesdays at 3pm.  i was ridiculously happy.  like you have no idea.  and it's been two weeks since i've seen my therapist and i'm like ugh.  i can't wait until tuesday.

insert witty blog title here

i want to write, but i'm not coming up with anything good to title this random blog of crap.  so tough titties.  apparently i'm not going to be witty today.

piglet seems to be doing better.  she's active, and eating, and stepping on me with her pointy feet, and following me around relentlessly until i tell her to stay put and leave me alone.  so, back to normal.  i'm going pet food shopping today to switch up their food again.  i love love love the grain-free ingredient list of what i'm currently feeding, but the calorie count is really low.  i think i can find something close to as good with minimal grains and more calories.  and she's ready to go back on kibble starting today - which is excellent.  because we've been feeding her nighttime snack wet food on our bedroom floor.  and i don't know if it's a cat-eating-on-carpet thing or a new piglet-has-no-canines thing but she's a messy wet food eater now.  very messy.  i'm hoping to put all three cats on wet food breakfast and midday feeding, then kibbles for nighttime snack before bed.

i'm sad that i haven't been cross stitching recently but i've been doing other things.  i've picked up a few books about recovery and psychology and shit, so i've been reading.  one is about healing your inner child.  it's already very powerful and i think it will be useful, not just for me but in my counseling.  i also got a cute little book of daily affirmation things for recovery.  i'll use that in groups i think.  and i finished my positivity jar the other day!

positivity jar for work.  full of POSITIVITY!

i first collected five pages of positive affirmations.  some are for recovery, some are for self-worth and self-love, all are positive and applicable to anyone.  then i formatted them to be roughly the same size, like a largish return address label.  then i cut pretty scrapbook paper to 8.5x12" and reset the margins, then printed the affirmations one page at a time.  i used that cutting pad and a rotary cutter to cut each affirmation, folded each in half, and tossed them in the jar.  i used one of the scrapbook papers to cover the top part of the mason jar so it's pretty.  i'm considering seeing if any of my crafty friends have a cricut and could be commissioned into making a nice vinyl cling to put on the jar.  i plan on keeping this on my desk and when someone is having a particularly shitty day, they can get some positivity.  another idea is to bring it into group and pass it around, having everyone choose one and discuss it.  

i also bought another mason jar that i'm going to paint black on the inside (maybe with some glitter, who knows?) for negative thoughts.  i found a notepad with neon colored pages about 3"x5" that i'm going to have people write negative crap on, fold it up, and put it in that jar.  when i was in high school, we had a woman who ran the bookstore that we called 'mom'.  she was amazing and empathetic and loving and caring.  she truly cared about each of us, everyone in that school.  some of us gravitated toward her and spent a lot of time with her.  one day mom emptied out the bottom drawer of her desk and started having us write stupid shit that we needed to let go on her cube pad of neon paper.  we'd even draw little pictures sometimes.  then we'd fold it up and dump it in that drawer.  once it was in that drawer, that was it - we had to leave it there and let it go.  we went through that drawer when we were graduating high school, and it was ridiculous the types of shit we were going to hold on to.  i'm hoping to recreate that with this jar.  in recovery, we talk about recognizing what we can and cannot control, and letting go of what we can't control.  this is a tangible exercise in that.  i think.  

awesome husband @_antgas and i went to a local organic farm last weekend to meet baby animals.  i was kind of bummed that there were only a few baby animals - chicks and a lamb - but there were also alpaca.  which were neat.  but distracted.

@_antgas and the alpaca.  who was watching other things.

i pet a lamb! it was completely unconcerned with us and had a one track mind for nibbling.

then we stopped at another farm famous for it's pies.  @_antgas got a peach pie and we got some cookies.  i don't like peach pie, but he enjoyed it.  (not all of it, we shared with his parents and grandma.)

and then a couple of weeks ago i broke down and cooked meat.  i mentioned 'pot roast' once to awesome husband @_antgas and he couldn't get it out of his mind apparently.  i bought a huge pot roast, enough for dinner and lunch for him for the entire week.  i made it and it was fucking delicious and i felt horrible touching and cooking meat.  but it was worth it.  i'm still sticking to my roughly 90% vegetarian lifestyle (i don't like labels and i like freedom to eat whatever the fuck i want) but i haven't had my mom's pot roast in a very, very long time.  the gravy wasn't as thick as i'd have liked, but it's been years since i've tried to make gravy so i was pretty pleased with it all around.

um, yum.

and then i picked up a bookcase from craigslist.  it was $15 and it's not real wood but it was $15.  i'm going to prime it and paint it and use it in my office.  i'm thinking of trying to take the back off and wrap it in fabric or line it with scrapbook paper.  or i might paint the insides one color and the outside another.  or something else i find on pinterest that ruins life for me.

so, life has been good.  i'm going to be a paid counselor as of monday.  the cats are doing well.  i'm feeing okay emotionally.  still in a lot of pain rheumatoid disease wise.  the humira doesn't seem to be helping at all.  yet.  it's only been about 3 weeks, so we'll see.  hopefully it starts to work.  and hopefully it works well and i won't have a lot of pain and i'll be comfortable again.

what a week.

it's just been up and down.

piglet had her surgery tuesday morning and is home recuperating.  her four canine teeth looked like 'swiss cheese' according to the vet dentist, so all four were removed.  two of her premolars have been resorbed.  the vet dentist says piglet does have feline odontoclastic resorptive lesions, and it may end up affecting other teeth in the future.  we're waiting for biopsy results from the gum tissue; should have them by monday.

i've had a rough week feelings and pain-level wise.  i'm more swollen than i've ever been, and i'm in as much pain as i've ever been.  the methotrexate (chemo) does not seem to be helping yet, but it's only been two weeks since i've restarted the medication.  and i took my first shot of humira a week and a half ago, with no results as of yet.

it would be nice to not always feel like shit.  i remember when i got my gallbladder out, i was shocked to realize how much it was affecting my digestion and tummy and stuff.  i'm kind of hoping the same thing happens - i wake up one day and my rheumatoid disease is being successfully treated and i'm no longer in this much fucking pain all the time.

we'll see.

have a good weekend :)

life goes on

sorry i've been a bit absent.  i've been a bit busy.

piglet's in the hospital overnight.  she'll be having dental surgery tomorrow.  i went to a veterinary dentist and it was worse than my old vet thought.

i say old vet because i won't be going back there.

on the happy news side, i was offered a job.  the place i've been interning got the approval for me to do billable work and wants me to start working like now.  so i'll be working 19 hours a week as a paid employee and doing about 10 hours a week as an intern.  once my intern hours are done in june, i'll just work the 19 hours a week.  and that's fine by me.

i'll post with more info once i figure everything out.  piglet will be having surgery in the morning and i'll be going to my internship to sign the paperwork to get paid.  lots ob mixed emotions right now.