vacation fun/sad times

it's been like a whole week since i blogged.  this must be some kind of record for me.  since i started blogging, anyway.

my brother and his girlfriend (aka my sister from another mister, and from another mother, because otherwise she'd be related to my brother and that would be horrifying AND illegal) came to visit from last tuesday until yesterday, sunday.  it was a busy time.  remind me to tell you about mr. potato head.  seriously.

the short version is we went to disney.  we went to universal.  my foot got super angry by friday and i rented an electric scooter thing to zoom around hollywood studios and epcot for my anniversary.   yes, friday was my sixth wedding anniversary.  i celebrated by being terrified by mr. potato head and using a scooter to eat/drink my way around epcot with awesome husband, my brother, and my sisterfromanothermister.

we also visited harry potterville (aka 'the wizarding world of harry potter') at universal studios.  it was AWESOME!  omg so awesome.  now, if you've been to universal, you might know there are a lot of thrill rides there.  that require shoulder restraints and fitted seats.

and if you've read my blog like ever, you'll know i'm a big girl.  universal has what they call 'modified seating' in select rows on some of their thrill rides.  meaning the shoulder restraint thingy has extra room for the fatties.  yes, fat seating.  which i actually used.  and enjoyed, since the restraint was able to restrain me without smushing my tits to the point of pain and causing me to be unable to, like, BREATHE.  they have seats you can try out in front of each ride.  in front of everyone.  so everyone there watches you and KNOWS you might be too fat to sit int he regular seats.  i didn't do that.  i just automatically got one of the modified seats on dragon challenge, realized it fit well, and kept using the modified seats.

we decided to do the harry potter ride in hogwarts castle a second time, and brother, sisterfromanothermister, and i used the single rider line.  now, on harry potter, the line is SUPER LONG and winds through the castle.  as you get closer to the boarding area, the line splits up into single riders, grouped riders, and special riders in the middle.  like, if you needed modified seating.  they had a seat to try right there.

i was totally planning on asking for modified seating. 

while on line, they pulled out a big girl to try out the seat and directed her and her companion to the middle, special riders line.  i felt horrible for her.  she was big, though.  like really big.  bigger than me.  glad i don't have to be embarrassed like that.

was i wrong.  they pulled me out of the single riders line and asked me to try the seat.  i didn't even react fast enough to know that i could just say 'i already know i need it' or something.  i had already taken half a tarzipan to deal with the anxiety i felt that day.

i was mortified.  and i've been embarrassed before.  i fell down the bleachers in front of the entire school while accepting an award.  i dropped an entire case of money in the middle of the hub in front of cinderella's castle during wishes on my second day of work.  i know embarrassed.

i have never been more embarrassed in my life.  awesome husband tells me that he doesn't like it when i call myself fat - it's a turn off, it's demeaning, whatever.  as long as i'm healthy (and i am actually fairly physically healthy aside from elevated cholesterol) it's okay.

thursday, i was fat.

did i let it ruin my day?  no i did not.  but it didn't get any easier on friday when my foot gave out.  i needed a wheelchair, and mom rented me a motorized scooter so no one had to push me in the heat.  i spent the day getting strange looks from people.  you might say, 'steph, your hair is pink and your face is full of metal.  that's what they are looking at'.  you'd be wrong.  they're looking at me and thinking, 'omg, look at this lazy ass fat chick.  she can't even walk around the parks, she's so fat and lazy'.  i got the same looks when we first started going to disney and i needed a chair, when my hair was brown and i had no facial piercings.

that is how people think.  when they see someone who is not visibly handicapped in a wheelchair, they wonder why they need it.  if the person is big, they think that they're a fat, lazy slob who can't be bothered to walk around the parks.  and i know it to be true, because i've been told it before. 

i was in a car accident in 2005 and smashed my toe to smithereens.  i have degenerative arthritis in my toe and foot, which will never get better or go away.  we did 11 hours in the parks on wednesday, over 9 hours on thursday, and by friday my foot could not take it.  i don't have a brace or cast, and i just look like a fat chick in a wheelchair.

maybe i need a sign that says 'i have a fucked up foot and need this wheelchair.  what's your excuse for being a dick?'

HOWEVER.  sugar ray played at epcot on friday night and we saw it.  and i got groped by mark mcgrath.  he ran around the crowd, hugging women and high fiving people.  he came up the middle aisle, ran to me in my electric convenience vehicle, and one-arm hugged me.  sadly, my brother and his lax camera skills missed it.  but i have it here (i'm pointing at my head) and that's all that counts.

we also had our first trip of the year to epcot's food and wine festival.  standouts this year are canada (as they always are for the cheddar cheese soup), greece (spanakopita and chicken souvlaki), spain (manchengo cheese and chorizo), and ireland for the bunratty meade.  yum.  YUM.  i. love. meade.  I.  LOVE.  MEADE.  i don't know how to explain to you how much i love meade.  MEADE!

expect more posts this week about my awesome vacation with my awesome family.  and more pity-partying.  and more tarzipan.  and the gays.  and the upcoming launch of a new feature on my blog called duckface à l'orange.  EPIC.  i promish.

FINALLY!  annah over at red means go made THIS BLOG the XXX blog love spreading button blog of the week!  WOOHOO!  i'm on my way to being BONed and obtaining famosity with annah!

cutesy names for serious medications

yes.  that's how i roll.  why call call it 'generic klonopin' or even 'clonazepam', it's proper name and which i likened to cloning marzipan.  because that's what it sounds like in my fucked up head.


well, awesome husband went one step further.  i was referring to it as cloned marzipan this weekend.  he decided to call it tarzipan.  observe:





see?  so now it's totally called tarzipan.  i may even write it on the bottle, because OBVIOUSLY.  awesome husband for the win.


in other news.  we had a garage sale.  it was, indeed, in the garage.  we did not have any twelve sided dice, though.


of course, we wouldn't sell them.  we actually need some twenty sided dice.  we used to have them.  but we don't now.  we lost them somewhere. 


anyway.  we made about $125 selling dumb shit that's been cooped up in this house for a year or two.  and we only sold about half of the stuff.  so now we have to figure out how to get rid of the other shit.  there's this garage sale store down the road (seriously) that sells stuff for charity.  that might be the way to go.  at least it's a write off.


my brother and his girlfriend are coming down from new york tomorrow!  we'll be doing disney and universal for a couple of days.  they're staying until sunday.  so i may or may not post at all from now until then.  i bet i will.  because i'll need some downtime to relax my feet.  there is A LOT of walking involved at the parks.  many people average 8 miles for each full day spent at a disney park.  really, it's tiring.  if you go gangbusters at disney, it's not a vacation - you need a vacation to recover.  we don't usually go crazy - we take our time and have fun.  disney's not going anywhere.  plus we go like all the time.  well, often enough.


so i'll end this pointless post here.  i'm really just procrastinating because i have to finish cleaning the house, and i really don't want to.  just can't get started today.  maybe i'll have another granola bar and take a nap.  then i'll clean.  maybe.