a little more prepared for the zombie apocalypse

i finally caved on saturday and bought these zombie shoes i've been eyeing since march.  i kept telling myself 'i have no where to wear them', 'i have one dress that would match them', and 'i might kill myself or someone else trying to walk in 4" heels'. 

regardless, i now own these shoes.

iron fist zombie stomper shoes

that's right.  those are mine.  we had to go to the mall on saturday so awesome husband could buy parts for our lawn mower's tune up (right?  lawn mowers need tune ups.  this is why i have a husband.  also, he actually *mows* the lawn).  and i got this email that torrid (fave place to buy big girl clothes) was having a 50% off clearance sale.  AND some kind of promotion where you spend $50 and get a coupon for $25 off your next purchase.  so super clearance prices and free money? sign me up!

i was thinking about getting a new pair of jeans, so we checked out the clearance jeans - they were also offering $20 off full price jeans.  so i took three pairs into the changing room, and the clearance ones actually rocked the hardest.  $60 jeans for $19 - thank you.  so now i have another $31 to spend so i can get my coupon.  we checked clearance: nothing else i really wanted.  awesome husband doesn't like me in plaid, so i didn't buy one of the eight billion plaid shirts that were there.  some tops were too dressy.  eh.

then we were looking at the shoes.  damn them, those zombie shoes were on display!  i lovingly cradled the shoe, marveling at the FUCKING HIGH HEEL that i may or may not twist my ankle in.  the salesgirl comes over and asks, very innocently, 'can i help you?'

while i was tempted to say 'no, i'm beyond help' i said 'i think i'd like to try on this shoe, to see if i can stand up in it'.  a good laugh was had by all (read: me and the salesgirl.  awesome husband was probably pretending he didn't know me).  she brings it out in a 9, which is what i usually wear.  but this shoe is specifically for big girls- it's wide.  so i needed an 8.  which she didn't have... in zombie shoe.  she had it in the same shoe, different colors or something.  so i'm like, 'well, bring it out and if i like it i can order the zombie one online'.

and i thought to myself  'i probably won't.  i'll chicken out again, like i have been since march - for five months - and not buy it'. 

then she walks out with the zombie shoe in an 8.  she found it way in the corner.

so i readjusted my peds. she unwrapped the shoes for me.  i slid on the right shoe first, then the left.  and i stood up.

and was super tall.  like almost 6' tall.  and scared shitless.  i looked at awesome husband, and he was looking at the shoes.  i asked, 'how do they look?'

salesgirl says 'there's a mirror over there'.  wait - i have to WALK in these things?!?? 

so i hobble... er, walk to the mirror.  and fall in love.  they look SO FUCKING GREAT.  and i walk back to salesgirl and awesome husband, and he's like 'you can walk in them.'

me:  um, not really.  they're really fucking high.

awesome husband: how much do you walk anyway?  from the car to the table, then back to the car.

(we don't like go out clubbing or dancing.  we go out drinking or eating.  walking is not involved.)

me:  hmm...

awesome husband:  they're really cool, and you don't have to walk far in them.

me:  hmm...

awesome husband: you should get them.

me:  hmmm....

i should point out here that awesome husband rarely gives me a definite 'yes' or 'no' on whether i should purchase things.  he is honest (mostly) on whether clothing items look good or not on me, but his answer to 'should i get this?' is usually 'if you want to' or 'do you like it?'.  very non committal.  so for him to say that...

i told the sales girl i'd take them.  i felt this crazy rush of shoe-related adrenaline that carried me and my debit card to the register.  i handed over my frequent shopper card and debit card, talking about wearing the shoes the entire time.  when we got home, i showed them to mom and she was less than enthusiastic about them.  i think she thinks i might fall and break something while wearing them.  she asked, 'why are you teetering around in them?' i wanted to answer 'because they are FUCKING 4" HIGH and i usually wear flip flops' but all i said was 'the bottoms are slippery'.  our floors are tile.

i think she bought it.

now i just need to find somewhere to wear them.  awesome husband has suggested chili's.  i know he did that only because he wants two for one beers.  plus, i think they're a little awesome for chili's.

the other big news is that i finally contacted a school about getting my associates degree.  for those of you who don't know me, i never went to college.  well, i went for a few days and dropped out.  so not my scene.  but now with all this online learning and shit, i figure i can do it from home. so i'm looking to get my associates in early education.  which is ridiculous, i know, because everyone thinks i hate children.  it's not that i hate them.  i just don't want my own.  and i hate the annoying ones.

of course, i don't qualify for any government grants.  even though we don't make a ton of money, have a car payment, a mortgage payment, etc. etc. etc.  apparently you have to be near or under the poverty line to qualify for any help.  so now i have to hope that i can get loans to cover it.  or find a sugar daddy/mommy really fast who doesn't mind paying for my school without any kind of sexual favors involved.  because, hello, i'm not a prostitute.  so if you know any of those, send them my way.  because my credit is pretty much in the shitter, and i'm not feeling super great about getting approved for any kind of loan.  i hope student loans are like super easy to get.  le sigh.

and the final bit of news is that i finally sold one of my bags online!  to someone i don't know personally!  someone just saw it online and was like 'omg i heart that bag enough to pay money for it' and sent me money!  awesome!  if you want to see them, you can check rule42custom.com.

so that's my weekend in a nutshell.  i didn't really do anything except buy awesome shoes and find out that i can have a couple of drinks on my medication without dying or something.  which is nice, because i totally miss margaritas.