Friday, September 3, 2010

what i will do when i run the country

you read that right.  i hope to become supreme dictator of the united states of america for a two year period, then i will hand the reigns back to democracy.

seriously.  this is, like, my ultimate goal in life.  

and my decrees may not be popular with everyone, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.  i know, with time, that the country as a whole will benefit from my dictatorship.

i'll try to get the most controversial out of the way first.

1)  federal or state funded abortions.  yes.  YES, OKAY!??!  women on welfare can get extra money to actually get prenatal and postnatal care.  they get more welfare money per month, more welfare rent money per month, and more food stamps per month once they are pregnant.  and the taxpayers may be on the hook for that child's medical care, food stamps, etc.  for the next 18-21 years!  women on welfare should be given the option to have medicaid cover the procedure.  it's cheaper than making them have it and letting taxpayers foot the bill.  

2)  MANDATORY coverage for birth control pills.  i don't care if you have public insurance, private insurance, or medicaid/medicare.  birth control pills should be covered.  i also would like to see some kind of credit for condom usage.  like, you can deduct 'family planning' stuff on your taxes or something.  because not only does it keep you child free, it keeps you healthy.

re: 1 & 2 - the entire welfare system needs revamping.  it's not right that food stamps can be used to purchase soda and candy, but not toilet paper and other basics like that.  food stamps will not be called food stamps anymore, i'll call them like 'grocery funds' or something.  and they will apply to all food products, as well as toilet paper, sanitary napkins and tampons, soap, and shampoo/conditioner.  

3)  sex ed from 5th grade on.  that's right.  teach 'em young.  start with the birds and the bees and menses and nocturnal emissions and shit like that - so kids know that they are not alone, and what's happening or about to happen to their bodies is normal.  i feel that condoms, STDs, and pregnancy prevention (including abstinence) should start being taught at age 13.  i think that if we give kids ALL the information to help them make an informed decision, and let them know that sex isn't dirty or something to be ashamed of, we will help open the doors for those kids to be honest with their parents, and able to discuss it with them.

4)  parenting classes in high school.  like 11th or 12th grade.  yes, with that stupid fake baby or an egg or something too.  visits to day care centers.  field trip to NICU.  these kids need to actually see what it's like to be a parent or guardian, and they need to know HOW to be parents in case it happens to them.  

re: 3 & 4 - health and PE are requirements in most states up through 12th grade.  i think that sex ed and parenting classes should be part of a health or PE requirement.  it would not be instead of something like science or art, but these classes would be like in conjunction with the health/PE requirements that are already in place.  these classes will be MANDATORY and will be graded pass/fail.  kids MUST pass these classes in order to graduate.

5)  lower the drinking age to 18.  

6)  raise the driving age to 21.  also, make a defensive driving course, driver's ed, or a 4 hour course mandatory before getting licensed.

7)  regulate baseball field dimensions.  the green monster is coming down, bitches.  there will be acceptable ranges for distance to left, center, and right fields, as well as wall heights.

8)  performance enhancing drug testing for all major league sports, and making it easier to test kids at the high school and college level. 

9)  tougher laws against animal cruelty.  mandatory spay/neuter programs nationwide unless you are a reputable breeder.  all breeders will need to be licensed or registered.   programs in place for breeding bitches to be fixed after breeding - they cannot keep breeding the same bitch over and over and over.  those rules will be set and governed by the licensing/registering authority and may vary from breed to breed. 

10)  tougher laws against child abuse and neglect.  widen the scope of mandated reporting and try to see that it is enforced.  suggested workshops and programs for teachers to pick up on signs of abuse in their students.

11)  fucking legalize marijuana.  hello, source of revenue.  focus drug related arrests more on rehabilitation and recovery than incarceration.  

here's where i'll get very unpopular.  i know you'll all call me a socialist.  and i know that the UK isn't perfect.  but all of their citizens have healthcare and the right to a good university education.  we need to expand the social welfare system to include not just welfare, unemployment, medicaid, and medicare, but to include healthcare for all of our citizens and education for all.

i think something like community college should be free.  at the very least, every kid should have the opportunity to go for a two year degree at a community college for free.  we need to look to other countries that offer basic rights and privileges like this to their citizens, and see how we can successfully implement similar programs here in the US.  

it's a lot to get done in two years, i know.  and i have lots of other ideas that i'd love to carry out.  but i think those are probably the most important ones to me.  what do you think about any of them?  do you have any awesome ideas if you were running the country?


  1. I seriously love that you just put all your opinions out there. I agree with most of them--the driving age one threw me because I come from a one-horse town and would've been driven crazy if I couldn't have had a car to escape! Seriously though, kudos to you for taking a critical eye to the world around you.

  2. I'm pretty much on board with all of that, with one or two addenendums.. I'd add to the child/abuse neglect thing, punishment for people who make false/frivolous abuse/neglect accusations. Child welfare authorities are obligated to check out every allegation, so it's no effin' wonder they're stretched so thin, and little Bobby who gets the snot beaten out of him regularly falls through the cracks when little Jimmy's neighbors keeps calling CAS because they just don't like little Jimmy's parents and feel like causing trouble.

    Someone once implied that I was a socialist.. I wondered why he said it like it was an insult. *shrug*

  3. @nicki - i can understand the freedom that driving brings, but i like the idea of letting the 'kids' get the binge drinking under their belts before they get behind the wheel of a car. i don't know if it would work, but somehow it makes sense in my head.

    @yandie - good point with the child welfare thing. it's true that people do abuse the system like that, and it does take away from the kids that really need help. so i'll just have to add in some fines and/or jail time for false/malicious accusations, or abusing the system like that.

  4. I would so vote for you...or however it is you become a dictator. I completely agree with you on every point you made. This would be one kick-ass country. People will be trying to sneak in, it will be so awesome...wait, they already do that. Lol.