Thursday, September 9, 2010

i have thin, zombie-like skin

i was slightly intoxicated last weekend (read: shitfaced) and don't remember too much.  which is why we will not be drinking entire pitchers of pina coladas in 3 hours while taking pristiq EVER AGAIN.  and apparently i thought it would be a great idea to pick at my skin.  i had (yes, HAD) this like weird spot of skin on my arm that was like kind of raised, but not a mole.  well.  it's gone now.

that's right.  and i'm left with a strange bit of skin that is shaped like africa and may or may not be zombified.  it's quite terrifying, actually.  i've doused it with hydrogen peroxide and put a&d ointment on it to no avail.  i may try windex next.  and it hurts.  and it may be getting infected.  just so you all know, if i am zombified i plan to do the honorable thing and eat sarah palin, glenn beck, and rush limbaugh before letting awesome husband chop my head off.

so i'm on day 4 of college.  and they do actually have the days numbered: week 1, 2, 3, etc.  monday is day 1, sunday day 7.  and classes are 9 weeks long.  i submitted my first assignment yesterday.  in ENG101 we will be writing an expository essay.  1500-1750 words.  double spaced.  cite references... wait a minute...

I'M DOING A RESEARCH PAPER!! if you are reading this and went to luhi, you already know.

we had to do one every year in my middle/high school, except senior year.  so i did five of these already.  our teachers would have us choose from a list of topics and like once a week we'd have to hand in part of it.  like, an outline.  and then those damn index cards, because that's how we were supposed to organize the paper.  each index card would have like a sentence or thought on it.  then you'd put them in order and use them to write your paper.  

now, i always have been controversial, and i can prove it to you by my choices in research paper topic.  seventh grade: cocaine (foreshadowing, anyone?).  eighth grade: teen pregnancy.  ninth grade: creationism vs. evolutionism (and i went to a lutheran school). tenth grade: i was too high to remember what i did.  sorry.  and in eleventh grade we had to choose an american author, so i chose jack london.

my ENG101 prof gave us a list to choose from.  one of the options was 'healthy eating'.  one was 'oil and gas prices'.  and one was 'tattoos and body piercings'.

guess what i chose.

it gets better. we had to explain how we planned on narrowing down our topic.  so i decided to narrow it down by historical use and meaning of body piercing.  and have already used the word 'genitals' in a college assignment.  literally MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT.  that has to be some kind of win.

but i'm hoping to write it on ye olde reasons of piercing.  like the lip and labret piercing/stretching commonly done in south and central america.  the nipple piercing in europe during (i think) the 1500's.  and the genital piercings of the royals in the 19th century (like the prince albert.  who was a real person).

of course, i'm also terribly sensitive.  and need to stop being aggrieved when classmates talk about god and wishing us a blessed day.  because i guess that's okay.  right?  it's not like it offends me, i'd just rather not hear them talking about 'by the grace of god' and 'wishing you a blessed day' and 'a life filled with god's blessings' and shit like that.  

i think it also pisses me off a bit because if i talked about my gods and goddesses, someone would have something to say about it being offensive.  like they can talk about their monotheistic, judeo-christian god, but i can't mention my polytheistic neo-pagan gods and goddesses.  damn it.

i was considering asking the teacher if i could write my paper on religion.  but i figured it was a bit early in my college career to start really pissing people off.


  1. Hahaha, Prince Albert really had a Prince Albert?
    This is gonna be good.


  2. super tight trousers, aka the original skinny jeans, were en vogue during queen victoria and prince albert's time. the queen disliked the bulge of the trousers in that most intimate of areas, and told him to do something about it.

    so he had a ring attached to his penis, and had his tailor add loops of material inside ye olde skinny jeans to hook the ring to. it caught on in such a way that all tailors at the time would ask a gentleman if he dressed to the left or to the right....

    meaning, do you wear your penis attached to your trousers on the left or the right?

  3. It's never too early to start pissing people off...

  4. To echo Molly's comment you really have to start pissing people off at some point anyway, why not right away. Otherwise you're just leading them on! Besides, College is all about drinking and pissing people off.

    Come to think of it, I did that all through my 20s not just in College.


  5. @simple dude - i already got all my partying done :x

    of course, there is something to be said for pissing them off from the get go.

  6. i'm pretty sure cocaine and genitals in research papers is a guaranteed in to getting a reality show. you could try that route and scrap school altogether.

    i should take my own advice.