destination: TRUTH.

awesome husband is obsessed with destination truth and ghost hunters.  all i want to do is like watch cartoons and baseball and have loving, caring, meaningful conversations with him... or my cats.

and josh is all underwater in some boat and just went into a room and was like 'oh, *bleep* i'm in a room full of bombs'.  and some other guy who is not in the watery room full of bombs is like, yeah, don't blow yourself up because a bunch of locals HAVE DONE JUST THAT.

who insures these guys?  i mean, i've seen them like repel down ridiculously sheer cliff faces at the drop of a hat, dive in pitch black water filled with sharks at night, and hunt in dark forests in the middle of nowhere for mythical creatures.  i mean, hello, there are still like bears there and shit.  and last week they were on the plains of africa, and LIONS were staring them down.

the destination truth people CANNOT be insured.  they must be, like, independently wealthy OR they own their own hospital or something.  because this is ridiculous.

in other television news:  i am devastated to inform you that the hilstrands and hansens will NOT be returning to season 7 of deadliest catch.  i understand why they're leaving, but it doesn't make it suck any less.  from what i have read, the cornelia marie will be back with jake and josh at the helm, but other than that, who cares?  i mean, did you REALLY want to listen to keith and the dicks on the wizard for another season?  lynn is the only thing that makes that boat bearable.

we are having a garage sale this saturday.  we keep moving dumb shit around with us, from new york to the apartment in florida then this house we live in now.  and we'll be moving back to new york (hopefully in the next few months) and i refuse to move some of this shit BACK UP THERE.  like i have a million partylite candles from when i was a candle lady.  i moved them from new york to florida and i still have a fuckload left.  i am not moving candles back to new york.  so i've been burning a lot of them.  i may sell some.  but probably not.  because they'll just melt out there.

that's right, it's still like 90 degrees every day here in central flori-fucking-da.  and it's about to be october.  which is like my favorite month.  i like the onset of fall IN NEW YORK.  here, we don't have fall.  dicks.  i got married on october.  halloween/samhain is in october.  the run up to the holidays hasn't started yet, it's not SUPPOSED to be a million degrees, and it's playoff time for baseball. 

so we're rockin' the garage sale this weekend.  we're actually going to have it IN the garage.  awesome.  and then next tuesday my brother and his girlfriend are coming down from new york!  they'll be here until sunday, and we're going to harry potterville at universal studios and disney.  and we'll do some hanging out and being awesome and general fun times.  i'll be busy as a little bee the next couple of days, between the garage sale and getting ahead on my school work, so i don't have to leave epcot early to finish assignments.  because that is not awesome.

and i dyed my hair today.  i used to use manic panic hot hot pink, but was told about special effects colors, and i bought atomic pink and hi-octane orange and this is what happened:

ohmahgah it's all pink and orange! please ignore my zit :/

it's like super bright.  the pink is a bit light in some areas, and that happens when you use some dyes over already dyed hair.  so awesome husband will help me hit those spots again.

while i was out there with my camera, i took some shots of taylor cat, the yowling fuck that he is.

holy fuck he's super handsome!  look at that boopable nose!

as annoying as he can be, i really really really really really love him.  he's my furbrother, and at 16 i know we're basically on borrowed time.  i do love him though.  his lips are grey, and his nose used to be all grey.  it's like a sign of his age and wisdom, since he's seen so much action in the fields (or yards) his greyness had rubbed off.  he's that hard core.  truth.

you are now reading an AWARD WINNING blog!

and i'm totally going to let it go to my head.  my first ever bloggity award was given to me by vicki over at glitter frog. it's the one lovely blog award.

 

 

and it appears this blog award comes with some strings attached. good strings, though.

 

1 - grab the award and post it on your blog with the name of the person who awarded it to you

 

2 - pay it forward to 15 other blogs that you've discovered

 

3 - contact those bloggers and tell them they've been chosen for the one lovely blog award!

so since i'm so full of the awesome now, i've started my RESPEK KNUCKLES page.  it's totally available by clicking somewhere on the top of my page.  where it says RESPEK KNUCKLES.  obviously.

now i have to choose fifteen blogs to award this prestigious award to.

• my aunt motherfucking becky at mommy wants vodka because, obviously.
• annah over at red means go - my favorite famosity-whore
• the barreness at hello, sailor for her saucy, delicious, nigella-esqu-ness.
• charles at in review: stuff and things because he wears makeup so well.
• una at the sassy curmudgeon since she's so sassy.
• kristine at wait in the van because she may be my sister-in-craziness.
• tiffany over at on the verge for her amazing verbal diarrhea.
• jenny the bloggess.  i don't know that i can actually blog and not love her.
• nicki at the loaded handbag because she's funny and cute and real.
• sarah p over at naked cupcakes because i love all cupcakes, even lopsided ones.
• allie who does hyperbole and a half, because i probably never would have thought about blogging before i found her blog.
• becky at steam me up, kid because.. um, well, read the blog.  you'll see.  it's really that good.
• amanda who is ms. co-dependent who doesn't seem so co-dependent to me, but i'm crazy.  so.
• mrs. call me crazy at life's crazy joke because i gots to give it up for my crazy sisters.
• and my last one is going to semi true torystellar at can u relate?. even though she's just starting out, i expect great things from her and am preemptively awarding her for her awesomeness.  follow her, people.  good things to come.

 
now, i just have to actually TELL all these people that they got the one lovely blog award. 

'clonazepam' sounds kind of like i'm a scientist cloning marzipan.

which i am clearly not.  i'm a batshit crazy big girl, who now gets to add clonazepam, aka klonopin, to my possibly daily regime.  


i had a doctor's appointment this morning.  btw, 'this morning' did not go 'well'.  i slept like absolute shite last night for some reason, stole all of the blankets from awesome husband (but left him the sheet) and had to wake up early, make his sammich, and drive him to work.  so i couldn't just go back to napping.  we picked up some coffee, i dropped him off, ran inside to put on some makeup, and off to the drug dealer i go.


he only kept me waiting like 20 minutes past appointment time, which seems to be par for this course.  in his little exam room, we discuss how i'm liking pristiq.  i have no major side effects.  i'm still kind of sleepy.  i keep getting these fierce, really short headaches (possibly the brain zap i've read so much about?).  i feel a bit flat.  but other than that, i feel pretty good.  UNTIL i have an anxiety or panic attack.  which is a couple of times a week.  and i was thinking, doc, maybe i could try like xanax?  also, pristiq is hella expensive, is generic zoloft an option?


and he tells me that he thinks zoloft won't cut it at this point.  i'm responding well to pristiq, and even a high dosage of zoloft probably will not produce similar results.  if i really want to, i can try effexor, but he has this magical 50% off pristiq card that he can give me.  oh, and here's a script for clonazepam.   take it as needed.


oh.  well, then.  that sounds more like it.  $30 a month for pristiq (after this magical card works) and $10 for as-needed-be-less-crazy pills?  which he said i can easily break in half and make them last longer?  good tip, doc.  this sounds do-able.  where do i sign up?


so he gives me the magical pristiq card, my script, and a note to come back next month.  i take care of a few errands, mom and i go out to lunch at applebee's, and i drop off my prescription.  more errands, and then it's time to get my new magical 50% off pristiq and fast-reacting crazy pills.


the pharmacist rings me up.  'ooph,' he says, ' $66.69 for the pristiq.'


um, no.  not correct, my good man.  i inform him i have insurance with a copay of only $60, plus that magical half-off-pristiq-even-with-insurance card (i called to be sure - as long as it's not government run like medicaid/care or va prescription coverage, i can use it).  his response is that the computer is giving me 50% off, but my insurer doesn't cover pristiq.


um.  once again.  no.  i checked with them.  it's a tier three.  it's $60.  i know how insurance works, and that means you give me pills, i give you $60, we're square.  he then tells me the codes that the insurance company computer thingy are showing are like gibberish.


really?  does insurance not make sense to you? my mother worked for a large health insurance provider for like my entire fucking life.  i find myself getting angry and frustrated at this young looking like 22 year old 'pharmacist' who obviously doesn't know how to work with the insurance's computer system.  i'm contemplating asking him what the codes are.  when he says 'i'll just call them again.'


good idea.  suddenly, they DO cover pristiq.  as a tier three drug.  with a $60 copay.


me: one, publix pharmacy: zero.


or so i thought.  now it's something about a split bill?  it will take some time to make a split bill for the 50% off magical pristiq card.  le sigh.  thank gods i'm getting more medication out of this.  i'll sit down.


a few minutes later, they ask if i NEED the medication today.  i'm thinking to myself, do they know what that is for?  do they realized how close i am to jumping this counter, throttling them, and stealing all the glucometers (because i like them)?  


but i try to be 'normal'.  so i'm like, well, not really NEED.  but can i have the klonopin now?


because i think i really may need it.  i don't say that out loud.  but i'm SCREAMING it in my head.


the second pharmacist, the one that is like all grown up and looks like she might know about life, the universe, and everything, takes me aside away from the other pharmacist, and tells me they just want to be sure to bill it properly, so they'll have the head pharmacist do it first thing in the morning. if it's billed out wrong, the insurance company may try to make you pay for it in full.  


hmmm... this sounds ridiculous, but far be it from me to argue when it might save me money.  plus, the clonazepam is in my hand.  i hear them jingling about in their beautiful amber container.  


okay, i can come back for the pristiq tomorrow.  big smiles and thank you's all around.


me: one.  publix pharmacy: one.  well played, pharmacy, well played.


i came home and told my mom what happened.  and said that at the pharmacy, i was thinking that they better give me the clonazapam because now i really fucking need it.  and she started laughing quite a bit. i'm glad to know we still have a sick sense of humor.  because it is funny.  picture me, losing my rag at the pharmacy counter, trying to snatch the clonazepam from the pharmacist because THEY PISSED ME OFF.  it is funny.  if i was as talented as annah at red means go, i'd illustrate it.  but i'm not that talented.  so there's that.


now here i am, at home.  with a bottle full of clonazepam.  and i'm actually terrified of taking one, because i might like fall asleep and not be able to cook dinner.  and my other crazy friend is like 'omg, if you need it TAKE IT'.


so instead, i blogged.  i figured it made the most sense.


and now, thinking it through, i could always prep dinner now, and make awesome husband throw it together later if i really do pass the fuck out.


yes.  i like that idea.

listening to paramore makes me want to listen to new found glory.

i think i'm supposed to be doing classwork.  or something.  but i'm not.  i have two projects due sunday that i haven't done, but i can do them tomorrow.  i wasted my afternoon finding a library locally, which was fun.  but they didn't have any of the books on my list, save for one.  which is not fun.

so i told awesome husband to go ahead and play his video games and i'd do my work.  by the way, he beat halo odst in like 7 hours.  and that's HORRIBLE hours-to-dollars ratio.  i paid like $40 for mass effect two.  it took him 26 hours to beat it the first time, and he played it through two more times.  he's already DONE with halo odst, it cost us $35, and he doesn't really want to play through again.  i might make him.

anyway.  so i keep checking on my 'class forums' and watching these people post grammatical abortions.  i mean, really people.  it's an ENGLISH 101 class.  we had like two assignments on grammar already.  it's one thing if you confuse like passive and active voice.  but seriously, like keep it in the same tense.  and use proper punctuation.  and stop misspelling 'definitely' as 'defiantly' because it totally means something different.

i was 'defiantly' going to do my classwork, until i realized that i don't have a word processing program on my laptop.  so i can't.  so there.  i'll blog instead. 

i have a doctor's appointment on monday.  i've now been on pristiq for like 7 weeks.  and it's okay, i guess.  i still freak out sometimes.  i still get fidgety and anxious and whatever.  but awesome husband and my mom both say i'm doing better.  i guess i am.  but it's $50 to see the doctor, and pristiq is $60 a month.  that's with awesome husband's insurance.  and i'm not working.  would i rather be batshit crazy, or spend $110 a month i don't have?  i was thinking of asking if i could switch to something else.  zoloft used to help, and it's available generic.  maybe if i get that and some xanax, i'll be able to maintain.

i know medication is not a cure-all.  i know that i should be going to therapy.  but i can't afford it, and blogging is as good as therapy.  i've spent years in therapy.  i've already learned all the coping mechanisms and shit like that, i really have.  but it's like my brain conspires against me to not allow me that choice.  like, when i get frustrated: i can CHOOSE how i react to the situation.  batshit crazy steph gas wants to fucking pull her hair out, throw shit at walls, and scream (i have done that, too).  trying to be an adult steph gas wants to take a deep breath and figure out why she's frustrated, and get over it. 

but my brain doesn't give me that millisecond to choose.  i get frustrated, my fucking brain goes onto autopilot and does what it wants.  and it wants batshit crazy.  if you've been to cognitive behavioral therapy, you know that trauma and shit in our childhood and young adulthood kind of forms how we make decisions and how we react to things.

well.  when you have a seriously fucked up child/young adulthood, you choose and react inappropriately, irrationally, or just ridiculously.  so with cognitive behavioral therapy, you go back and figure out WHY your brain has trained itself to react that way, and learn new ways to give yourself that CHOICE.  i actually did like a meditative pathwalking with my last therapist, whom i loved dearly and miss terribly, where we went back to this shit in my young adulthood.  i imagined it, and visualized it in my head, and he told me he wanted to be there.  and i visualized him there and he protected me.  it sounds completely lame and ridiculous, but that incident DOES NOT have power over me anymore - he helped me get over it.

for me, medication seems to force my brain into NOT going on that autopilot - i get that millisecond to choose.  and that seems to be just enough to keep me on the functioning side of batshit crazy. 

i just feel a bit flat - flat affect.  i don't feel like i feel things.  i laugh at some stuff, i get sad at some stuff, but my main two 'emotions' seem to be 'nothingish' and 'frustrated'.  mostly 'nothingish'. 

oh mah gawd, sorry for the heavyishness of the last couple of posts.  i'd rather be real than real funny.  of course, my brother and his girlfriend will be visiting in like ELEVEN DAYS so that's super awesome.  we'll have a short week of ridiculous fun and shit.  and i bet you'll all like that.  i promish to blog about going to disney and harry potterville and shit like that.  until then, keep your unit on you.  STEPH GAS, OUT.

this post is not about family guy. sorry.

yesterday, i had a horrible day.


most people have a bad day and say things like:


i couldn't get my car started.


i felt so sick, i could barely get out of bed.


i couldn't get my hair right.


i ran out of milk/sugar/coffee/whatever, and it just got my day started off wrong.


i found my fish dead in it's tank.


i lost my favorite pair of socks.


all of these are bad ways to start your day.  some are worse than others. being woken up at 6:40am by a nurse who is just about to go off shift letting you know that your grandfather isn't doing well is probably a pretty bad way to start your day.  i've had all of these starts to 'bad days' (yes, even the grandfather one.  and we didn't make it to the hospital before he died because my father had to take a shower....)


yesterday?  i woke up with awesome husband.  i went into the kitchen to make him his lunch (we learned that if he didn't have lunch/money/time, he'd just NOT EAT LUNCH.  and that's not cool.  so i make it for him every day now.).  i peed.  i kissed him goodbye.  i got back into bed to watch the today show....


and the bottom fell out.  why?  was it something matt lauer said?  i mean, i know i'm not the biggest meredith viera fan, but really.  i sat in bed for about 40 minutes (which is normal, i usually watch a bit of television before starting my day) and fell deeper into the pit.  then i spent another 20 minutes trying to force myself to put my contacts in and get out of bed and on with my day.  then i spent 10 playing with piglet.  FINALLY i got out of bed and sort of got dressed and mostly washed my face.  got a bowl of cereal.  there was milk in the house.  let the cat in.  ate my cereal.  let the fucking cat back out.  


and sunk deeper.  what was happening?  i have this medication!  i sleep regularly!  i'm eating better!  WHAT THE FUCK, BRAIN?!?  stop being depressed, kthxbai.


i plopped down in front of the computer and tried.  i messed around on farmville and facebook.  i chatted with a friend.  i looked at my schoolwork.  i tried to be 'normal'.  i had lunch.  i had the car yesterday, so was obligated to go to the bank and target.  i forced myself to do those things.  act as if.  twelve steppers hear it all the time: act as if it's all okay, and it will be.  


oh. mah. god.  no it WILL NOT BE.  i tried.  i bought drano.  i chatted with my mother.  i tried to be normal.  i tried to be productive. 


i ended up in bed with no pants on and a package of goldfish crackers.  i ate them all.  then felt guilty for doing so.  then felt guilty for being crazy.  then felt guilty for being a bad wife, a bad daughter, a bad friend, a bad person.  i try to cuddle the fucking cat and he shouts at me and struggles away.


again, i am alone.


awesome husband comes home and finds me in bed, cheddary crumblets on the comforter.  he closes the door and starts getting ready to take a shower.


awesome husband: did you take a shower already?


me: no.


awesome husband: okay, let's go.


me: no.  showering is fucking stupid.  


awesome husband: come take a shower.


me: no.


awesome husband sits on the bed (naked at this point) and watches the venture brothers with me for a few minutes.  then he stands up and walks over to me.


awesome husband: come on, let's take a shower.


me: no.


awesome husband: yes, we're going to take a shower.


me: you can take a shower.  i'm not taking one.


awesome husband:  get up, you're taking a shower.


me: no.  i don't need a fucking shower.  i sit on my ass all day doing nothing.


awesome husband:  come on, get up.


me: no.


awesome husband: *deep sigh accompanied by a look.*


me: you're going to force me to take a shower, aren't you?


awesome husband: yes, i am.


so i finally give in and take a shower.  this is why we shower together just about every day:  we don't canoodle in the shower.  we don't cuddle in the suds.  it's not about saving water (although my water bill has gone down considerably).  it's because many days, I WILL NOT DO IT unless he makes me.


also, he washes the spot on my back that i can't reach with my loofah.  


many couples have steamy shower sessions, with sex and suds and diddling or what have you.  many couples have slippery, delicious sex tales from their showers.  and we do have a huge shower.  like, we could easily have a foursome in there, no problem


in this house? awesome husband and i shower together because otherwise, i won't shower.  and he knows that.  and if i didn't give in, he would either undress me and literally put me in the shower, or nag me until i get up and go.  


that's one of the many reasons i love him.  


did my day get 'better' after the shower?  no.  i was still fucking guilty and refused to eat anything but lettuce and mushrooms for dinner.  (with full fat ranch dressing.  shutthefuckup.)  then i hid behind my computer screen most of the evening, and let awesome husband watch ghost hunters.  


and then i had a bowl of ice cream.  that helped a bit.  because, obviously.  ice cream always helps.


today is not much better.  i'm


sometimes i feel bad that he's stuck with me.  that he married me almost six years ago, and he's stuck with a overweight, immature, batshit crazy bitch of a wife.  i asked him a few weeks ago why he bothers taking care of me.


awesome husband said, maybe i *want* to take care of you.


i don't know that i'll ask him again.  i don't think i need to.  no one has ever said they WANT to take care of me.


and i don't know what i did to deserve him, but i'm so lucky that we somehow found each other.  i don't believe in coincidence, and i don't know how it came about.  but it did.  maybe i need him to take care of me.  maybe he needs to be able to take care of me.


maybe i need to let him.



EDIT: just as a reminder, i have contributed some stuff over at band back together. it's a great support site for physical and mental illness, abuse, survivors, grief, baby loss, all the sad stuff in life.  we're a loving, supportive, awesome bunch of people and the group blog is really taking off, thanks to aunt motherfucking becky.  check it out, and contribute, please - you can give or receive support there <3

william m. joel, you're under arrest

i've completely given up on my john c. mayering of william m. joel.  seriously.  the comments i've been making on other people's john c. mayer posts with links to this here blog are driving searches for william m. joel to THEIR websites, but not here.  so obviously, william m. joel is completely un-johnc.mayerable.  which is sad.  but it's my fault.  maybe i should have picked someone better.  i have another idea for a john c. mayering.  i'm going to actually, you know, BLOG a bit before i try another john c. mayering, though.

so.  news.  well, i've also contributed a blog over at band back together, which is a great site that aunt motherfucking becky helped get started.  it's nowhere near as lighthearted as this here blog.  it's lots of survivors and people grieving and people recovering.  but it's good for all of us.  if you want to take a break from this and go read some serious shit, head over there.  it's a very welcoming community, and i'm already happy to be sharing there.

we finally started going to disney again.  it's still fucking hot and disgusting, but it's nice to go back.  i've missed it these hot summer months.  i got to go on toy story midway mania finally.  and we did the backlot tour and saw the beauty and the beast stage show - we had never done those before!  and of course, we had to do tower of terror.  because, obviously.  that's like the best.  and mom laughs the entire time.  it's pretty funny.  and the guy next to my accidentally groped me on the first drop.

so we did disney early yesterday morning, then came home and napped during the yankees game.  and then watched the jets/giants games.  and noticed three sheriff's cars by this house down the block.  (long story short on this house - they have like seven kids of varying races, three adults of varying races, cars stopping at all hours of the day and night, and a tiny dog that terrorizes the neighborhood when they let it loose.  we hate this house.  the kids have come up to my patio before and barked at my cat.  and brought that evil dog on it's leash RIGHT UP TO THE SCREEN on my patio and let him bark his head off at my cat.  poor taylor cat :c no wonder he shouts all the time.)  so there are like five teens in the driveway, and one younger kid (the one we really don't like).  one teen is in a red tee shirt and keeps talking to the deputies.  and then fatherish guy comes out.  and then a minivan screeches to a halt in front of the house, and two of the female adults get out, and one starts talking to the deputies too.  back and forth.  for like four hours - no lie. 

finally we notice the cars are gone, except for one - like they're watching the house.  and then early this morning, 6:30ish, i saw two unmarked cars there - on the lawn at strange angles.  like they pulled up in a hurry.  and then they were gone by 9am.  AND THEN this afternoon i noticed the two unmarked cars were back and i could see two sheriff's cars, i counted three deputies in uniform and two in those fancy bullet proof vests that say SHERIFF on the back.  they were talking to fatherish guy.  then the deputies were talking amongst themselves.  then they took a teen in a red shirt (same as last night? i don't know) and cuffed him in front of the door!  and then they started talking to fatherish guy and one of the adult females in front of the door.  then they walked towards one of the sheriff's car with fatherish guy.  AND CUFFED HIM.  so i got to watch them arrest two of the people from this house.

awesome husband missed it.  but i took photos for him, so it's okay.

but it makes me wonder - why would two adults be arrested from the same house?  if it was some kind of fight or domestic thing, wouldn't someone have been taken away last night?  obviously that's when it started.  and why were they back this morning?  what could have happened??  awesome husband thinks it may be a foster home.  to be blunt, there are many children of widely varying ages and races living there.  like from 18-21 all the way down to 4.  and three adults well over 35.  and we saw one of the kids trying to kiss another - and you wouldn't try to kiss your sister when you're like 12.  i did see a couple carrying a baby on the side of the house that i really can't see.  i don't know if they were involved, like taking the baby away, or if it was like neighbors or something just on their way out.

intriguing.  well, really, i'm just nosy.  i blame my mother for it.  i really want to know what happened though. 

and finally, i've completed week two of college: mark II.  i am running 100% in english 101 and 98% in my general studies thing (which is where we learn about... well, learning online) because someone is a stickler for word counts.  i lost points for being at 303 when she asked for 200-300.  hmph. 

john c. mayering william m. joel

so far, i haven't cracked the first ten pages of a google search for "william m. joel".  what makes me sad, really, is that many of the listings aren't even for william m. joel, but for joel m. something, or william m. something, or for joel and william something else. 
many other people have had much success.  you can check here with aunt motherfucking becky to see who's doing what: mommy wants vodka.  she has a blogroll up with all of the posts.


and if you aren't sure what i'm talking about william m. joel for, you can click here to see what the fuck is going on with william m. joel.


if you're interested in learning more about william m. joel, you can check his wikipedia page.  william m. joel has led a super interesting life, and is a native new yorker.  william m. joel was born on long island, just like me.  william m. joel is actually my absolute favorite artist of all time.


william m. joel has penned and performed some great songs, including 'piano man'.  his album 'the stranger' was a huge hit in the 1970's, and william m. joel has continued touring into this year.  william m. joel has gone on tour a few times with elton john.  i've seen william m. joel with elton one time, and like six or seven times solo.  william m. joel puts on a great live show.  at the end of every show, william m. joel reminds his audience 'don't take any shit from anybody'.  i think this is really great advice from william m. joel.


william m. joel has released 13 albums of original material, plus numerous live and compilation albums.  you can see william m. joel's official discography here. 


if you'd like to check out some of william m. joel's BEST songs, you can click:


just the way you are, william m. joel


scenes from an italian restaurant, william m. joel

she's always a woman, william m. joel

piano man, william m. joel

if you're not familiar with the works of william m. joel, you may want to check some of his songs out.  william m. joel had many top 40 and pop rock hits, but in my opinion, some of his best stuff is 'b' side stuff - singles that were not released on radio. 

anyway, hopefully a second post about "william m. joel" will assist me in john c. mayering him.  i would hate to fail my aunt motherfucking becky.

william m. joel likes hydrogen

so we have something interesting going on today.  first if you check over here with my aunt motherfucking becky, you'll see that she's asked her pranksters (like me!) to try an internet prank.  read her blog to get the gist of it, and you may see the pertinence of the blog being named 'william m. joel likes hydrogen'.


or not.  the hydrogen part is all for annah, whom i may or may not have a blog crush on.


who is william m. joel, you may ask?  well, the 'm' in william m. joel stands for martin.  and william m. joel's more common name is billy joel.  but billy joel is more commonly searched.  and i wanted to use a middle initial.


hmm.. i'm not sure william m. joel really has the kind of far reaching impact as aunt motherfucking becky's choice does.  but i guess i can search for william m. joel and see if my blog comes up.  and you can search for william m. joel and see if it comes up.


gosh.  did i just single-handedly ruin this prankster's internet prank by choosing william m. joel?  i sure hope not.


it's just that, really, william m. joel is my favorite singer/songwriter ever.  i have every album william m. joel has ever released, and have seen him in concert like nine times.  and william m. joel doesn't like constantly tour.  i'm only 30.  william m. joel has been touring and making music since before i was born.  heck, before my parents were even together.  he's released many great songs, like 'piano man', 'we didn't start he fire', 'lullaby', and 'pressure'.  just to name a few.  william m. joel's album 'the stranger' was ridiculously popular, reaching number 2 on the charts and spawning four top 25 hits.


also, my parents knew of him when he was just william m. joel.  he grew up in the bethpage/hicksville/levittown area of long island, just like my parents.  william m. joel was once in a band called the hassles.  supposedly a friend of my mom's dated william m. joel in high school or some shit like that.  you can read some of william m. joel's history here, at his wikipedia page.


so william m. joel is kind of a hometown hero to many long islanders. and of course, i'm from long island, new york.  just like william m. joel.


go to google.  or yahoo, or whatever.  and search for william m. joel.  and tell me if this fucking prankster's internet prank shit worked.


also, i may have to name my next pet william m. joel.  i remember mom and awesome husband telling me i could have hermit crabs.  this weekend sounds like a good time to pick one up and name it william m. joel.

weekend update

i know, a totally unoriginal title.  do you know how hard it is coming up with witty shit for my blog titles? i'd just as soon name them after rocks or elements on the periodic table.  fuckers.


item 1:  9/11/10 passed and another year went by of people clamoring for a federal holiday, or for no mosques near ground zero.  or went around spewing hatred or intolerance or whatever.  and i think two things every year on 9/11.  one is gratitude that my grandfather didn't live to see 9/11 (he died weeks before).  the other is that the terrorists are winning.


no, seriously.  as long as we hate each other for stupid things like skin color, religious beliefs, sexual preference, or whether you like backstreet boys or n*sync (i know, not terribly relevant in 2010, but you get the idea) the terrorists are winning.  as long as people try to get 9/11 recognized as a national holiday, where we shut everything down and have parades and barbecue, the terrorists are winning.


how do we keep the terrorists from winning, i hear you cry.  easy. LOVE EACH OTHER.  TOLERATE AND CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE US ALL ROCK.  and STOP HATING SHIT! whether you hate blacks, gays, jews, redheads, droids, virgos, or twi-hards, just fucking stop it.  we don't have to be a warm, fuzzy country where we all cuddle glenn beck and spoon with sarah palin, but we can't spread hate and violence and intolerance like we do.  all religions basically boil down to that golden rule - do unto others as you'd have done unto you.  


then go spend some money and stimulate the economy, like i did in....


item 2: i went shopping.  saturday AND sunday.  i had a $25 off $50 purchase coupon for my fave big girl clothing store that expired yesterday.  i went to the store and didn't see what i wanted.  i went online and didn't see what i wanted.  so i compromised and went BACK to the mall yesterday to buy my compromise in store to avoid the $8 shipping fee online.  $104 worth of clothes for $56 after tax.  not bad.


item 3: i made it through my first week of college.  back in 1997, the first time i tried this college thing, i lasted 6 days.  and i'm actually really excited still.  i kind of hope that my classmates learn proper grammar and how to turn on spell check soon.  and learn how to follow directions.  so it's mostly like high school again right now.  i'm looking forward to when it picks up a bit - it's still a lot of basic info right now.  i'm interested in getting started on researching my essay topic (which i talk about briefly here).


item 4: i just today received my new package from my fave body jewelry store online.  i'm stretching my ear lobes to a 6g tonight, and i got cute little o-rings shaped like flowers and stars for my 16g seconds.  i bet i'll have photos soon.


item 5: my twin half-sisters turn 14 today.  they don't read this, so i won't bother saying happy birthday.  but it does make me feel a bit older.  they were born my senior year of high school, and they're in high school themselves this year.  i'm super excited that they're growing up though, and i feel like we've got a pretty good relationship now.  i hope that when i move back to new york, we can have an even awesomer relationship.


yes, i totally made up the word 'awesomer'.  fucking deal with it.


item 6: my aunt motherfucking becky over at mommy wants vodka gave me the go ahead to steal borrow her copyright tag.  i totally gave her credit, and now everyone knows that if they steal from my blog, they'll get herpes.  FUCK YEAH.


but actual people herpes.  not cat herpes like piglet has.  so, yeah.  you've been warned.


item 7: i'm up to 28 followers.  i think this is fucking brilliant and am continuing on my quest to get B.O.N.ed (blog of note) at some point in time.  i will warn you that i might start capitalizing on your clickiness soon and start showing an ad or two. 


hey, i'm a stay at home cat mom who doesn't work.  that new imac isn't going to pay for itself.

i have thin, zombie-like skin

i was slightly intoxicated last weekend (read: shitfaced) and don't remember too much.  which is why we will not be drinking entire pitchers of pina coladas in 3 hours while taking pristiq EVER AGAIN.  and apparently i thought it would be a great idea to pick at my skin.  i had (yes, HAD) this like weird spot of skin on my arm that was like kind of raised, but not a mole.  well.  it's gone now.


that's right.  and i'm left with a strange bit of skin that is shaped like africa and may or may not be zombified.  it's quite terrifying, actually.  i've doused it with hydrogen peroxide and put a&d ointment on it to no avail.  i may try windex next.  and it hurts.  and it may be getting infected.  just so you all know, if i am zombified i plan to do the honorable thing and eat sarah palin, glenn beck, and rush limbaugh before letting awesome husband chop my head off.


so i'm on day 4 of college.  and they do actually have the days numbered: week 1, 2, 3, etc.  monday is day 1, sunday day 7.  and classes are 9 weeks long.  i submitted my first assignment yesterday.  in ENG101 we will be writing an expository essay.  1500-1750 words.  double spaced.  cite references... wait a minute...


I'M DOING A RESEARCH PAPER!! if you are reading this and went to luhi, you already know.


we had to do one every year in my middle/high school, except senior year.  so i did five of these already.  our teachers would have us choose from a list of topics and like once a week we'd have to hand in part of it.  like, an outline.  and then those damn index cards, because that's how we were supposed to organize the paper.  each index card would have like a sentence or thought on it.  then you'd put them in order and use them to write your paper.  


now, i always have been controversial, and i can prove it to you by my choices in research paper topic.  seventh grade: cocaine (foreshadowing, anyone?).  eighth grade: teen pregnancy.  ninth grade: creationism vs. evolutionism (and i went to a lutheran school). tenth grade: i was too high to remember what i did.  sorry.  and in eleventh grade we had to choose an american author, so i chose jack london.


my ENG101 prof gave us a list to choose from.  one of the options was 'healthy eating'.  one was 'oil and gas prices'.  and one was 'tattoos and body piercings'.


guess what i chose.


it gets better. we had to explain how we planned on narrowing down our topic.  so i decided to narrow it down by historical use and meaning of body piercing.  and have already used the word 'genitals' in a college assignment.  literally MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT.  that has to be some kind of win.


but i'm hoping to write it on ye olde reasons of piercing.  like the lip and labret piercing/stretching commonly done in south and central america.  the nipple piercing in europe during (i think) the 1500's.  and the genital piercings of the royals in the 19th century (like the prince albert.  who was a real person).


of course, i'm also terribly sensitive.  and need to stop being aggrieved when classmates talk about god and wishing us a blessed day.  because i guess that's okay.  right?  it's not like it offends me, i'd just rather not hear them talking about 'by the grace of god' and 'wishing you a blessed day' and 'a life filled with god's blessings' and shit like that.  


i think it also pisses me off a bit because if i talked about my gods and goddesses, someone would have something to say about it being offensive.  like they can talk about their monotheistic, judeo-christian god, but i can't mention my polytheistic neo-pagan gods and goddesses.  damn it.


i was considering asking the teacher if i could write my paper on religion.  but i figured it was a bit early in my college career to start really pissing people off.

i thought there was no school on labor day.

my first day of 'class' is tomorrow.  well, i have to post my bio.  so it's not really a 'class' so much as i just have to post something that i've already written.  i just have to log on and post it to both of my class message boards or whatever you want to call them.

does anyone else remember the interwebz back in the early days?  i do.  it must have been like 1994.  i had a friend who was a bit of a nerd.  sorry, but it's true.  and i remember hanging out with him on his computer, using 'old fashioned' message boards and chatting with some guy who claimed to be a chef in texas.  it was this strange string of code-looking crap that he'd type in to get us connected to this mysterious internet.  and then we'd play myst.

and then in 1997, i remember surfing the web at school for pictures of claire danes from 'romeo + juliet' to use as a screen saver on my home computer (we didn't have the internets).  and photos of shirley manson to print out and drool over.

i remember aol.  like, just aol.  before they assigned a number to it.  it came on disks - not cd's.  and getting booted off because there were too many people dialling into the same phone number you were to connect.  and aol chat rooms.  hahahahaha do i remember aol chat rooms.

but my real reason for this trip down memory lane interwebz style is message boards.  threads and moderators and lol'ing and trolls.  an easy way to interact with people who had common ideas or interests as we did, but lived thousands of miles away.  we'd trade jabs about music or politicians, talk about movies or video games.

and now, my class is basically a message board.  i will have shit posted online to read, basically submit my assignments by glorified email, and interact with my professors and classmates on a message board.  this is how i will get my degree.  who knew, when we first popped in that aol disk and waited 40 minutes to dial that aol number and not get a busy signal, that this would even be possible. 

i heart interwebz.

by the way, awesome husband just put on slaughter's 'up all night' on music on demand and told me it was for me.  i was like, i used to love slaughter.  how did you know that?  his answer?  i fucking hate slaughter, so i figured you'd like it.

what the fuck is up with that?!?!?  i liked slaughter when i was, like, 12.  it's not like i was rocking out to that last week.  dick.

in other news, i wore my new zombie stomper shoes out of the house for the first time, to benihana's for lunch.  i not only wore them, but stood and walked in them!  here's a photo of me at benihana's.  you will see my pink hair, the shoes, and this full-body shot will validate my big-girl status.

not only am i wearing them, i am balancing with
the aid of that huge concrete support.

we also had a good lunch.  tomorrow we're waking up early to go shopping.  the cats are getting low on kibble.  i shouldn't spend anything on those ungrateful bitches.  i dropped $300 at the vet yesterday for rabies shots and distemper shots and rectal thermometry.  and all they did was get mad at me.  fuckers.

what i will do when i run the country

you read that right.  i hope to become supreme dictator of the united states of america for a two year period, then i will hand the reigns back to democracy.


seriously.  this is, like, my ultimate goal in life.  


and my decrees may not be popular with everyone, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.  i know, with time, that the country as a whole will benefit from my dictatorship.


i'll try to get the most controversial out of the way first.


1)  federal or state funded abortions.  yes.  YES, OKAY!??!  women on welfare can get extra money to actually get prenatal and postnatal care.  they get more welfare money per month, more welfare rent money per month, and more food stamps per month once they are pregnant.  and the taxpayers may be on the hook for that child's medical care, food stamps, etc.  for the next 18-21 years!  women on welfare should be given the option to have medicaid cover the procedure.  it's cheaper than making them have it and letting taxpayers foot the bill.  




2)  MANDATORY coverage for birth control pills.  i don't care if you have public insurance, private insurance, or medicaid/medicare.  birth control pills should be covered.  i also would like to see some kind of credit for condom usage.  like, you can deduct 'family planning' stuff on your taxes or something.  because not only does it keep you child free, it keeps you healthy.


re: 1 & 2 - the entire welfare system needs revamping.  it's not right that food stamps can be used to purchase soda and candy, but not toilet paper and other basics like that.  food stamps will not be called food stamps anymore, i'll call them like 'grocery funds' or something.  and they will apply to all food products, as well as toilet paper, sanitary napkins and tampons, soap, and shampoo/conditioner.  


3)  sex ed from 5th grade on.  that's right.  teach 'em young.  start with the birds and the bees and menses and nocturnal emissions and shit like that - so kids know that they are not alone, and what's happening or about to happen to their bodies is normal.  i feel that condoms, STDs, and pregnancy prevention (including abstinence) should start being taught at age 13.  i think that if we give kids ALL the information to help them make an informed decision, and let them know that sex isn't dirty or something to be ashamed of, we will help open the doors for those kids to be honest with their parents, and able to discuss it with them.


4)  parenting classes in high school.  like 11th or 12th grade.  yes, with that stupid fake baby or an egg or something too.  visits to day care centers.  field trip to NICU.  these kids need to actually see what it's like to be a parent or guardian, and they need to know HOW to be parents in case it happens to them.  


re: 3 & 4 - health and PE are requirements in most states up through 12th grade.  i think that sex ed and parenting classes should be part of a health or PE requirement.  it would not be instead of something like science or art, but these classes would be like in conjunction with the health/PE requirements that are already in place.  these classes will be MANDATORY and will be graded pass/fail.  kids MUST pass these classes in order to graduate.


5)  lower the drinking age to 18.  


6)  raise the driving age to 21.  also, make a defensive driving course, driver's ed, or a 4 hour course mandatory before getting licensed.


7)  regulate baseball field dimensions.  the green monster is coming down, bitches.  there will be acceptable ranges for distance to left, center, and right fields, as well as wall heights.


8)  performance enhancing drug testing for all major league sports, and making it easier to test kids at the high school and college level. 


9)  tougher laws against animal cruelty.  mandatory spay/neuter programs nationwide unless you are a reputable breeder.  all breeders will need to be licensed or registered.   programs in place for breeding bitches to be fixed after breeding - they cannot keep breeding the same bitch over and over and over.  those rules will be set and governed by the licensing/registering authority and may vary from breed to breed. 


10)  tougher laws against child abuse and neglect.  widen the scope of mandated reporting and try to see that it is enforced.  suggested workshops and programs for teachers to pick up on signs of abuse in their students.


11)  fucking legalize marijuana.  hello, source of revenue.  focus drug related arrests more on rehabilitation and recovery than incarceration.  


here's where i'll get very unpopular.  i know you'll all call me a socialist.  and i know that the UK isn't perfect.  but all of their citizens have healthcare and the right to a good university education.  we need to expand the social welfare system to include not just welfare, unemployment, medicaid, and medicare, but to include healthcare for all of our citizens and education for all.


i think something like community college should be free.  at the very least, every kid should have the opportunity to go for a two year degree at a community college for free.  we need to look to other countries that offer basic rights and privileges like this to their citizens, and see how we can successfully implement similar programs here in the US.  


it's a lot to get done in two years, i know.  and i have lots of other ideas that i'd love to carry out.  but i think those are probably the most important ones to me.  what do you think about any of them?  do you have any awesome ideas if you were running the country?

who's a cute little college student?

that's right - i am.  i finally heard back this afternoon and am completely accepted and enrolled and whatever the fuck else i need to be for university of phoenix.  my first classes actually start next week.  


i also feel the need to point out that i heard my father say he's proud of me for only the second time in my 30 years on this planet, and it didn't even really make me tear up at all.  i guess i'm finally getting over my father's lack of fatherness.  or i just don't care anymore. 


either way.


i'm all signed up to get my associates degree in early education, so i can be a sort of teacher, like a teacher's aide or sub or what not.  i'm hoping to somehow work with gifted children eventually.  i went to a special gifted program when i was in elementary school, and really loved it aside from the fact that it made me an outcast with my classmates in my regular, every day class.  so maybe i can get involved with that kind of program and help show kids that it doesn't fucking matter what your friends think about your gifted ass - you fucking rock just the same.


so here's to me being awesome and rocking the hell out of school.  now i'm going to go celebrate with awesome husband.